Klara and the Sun(64)

‘I hope they’re enjoying themselves.’

‘I’ve things to say to you. But let’s get out of this place.’

When we drove out of the yard into the neighborhood, we had to stop for a lady on a basket bicycle crossing our path. We stopped again a few minutes later under a long-arm traffic signal, even though there were no other cars in sight. Soon after the signal changed, we passed a large brown building set back from the sidewalk with no windows at all, but with a large central chimney, then we moved through an under-bridge area full of shadows, puddles and jump-skaters. We emerged out in the Sun’s patterns beside a building with a ‘Hiring Now’ sign, and soon we were among pedestrians, and the sidewalk had small trees. Eventually the Mother slowed, then stopped beside a sign saying ‘We Grind Our Own Beef’. The other cars had to pass noisily around us, but there was no anti-parking sign. Through the windshield, we could see another under-bridge area in front of us, and the cars that passed us were forming a line to enter it.

‘This is the place. They’re inside there.’ Then she said: ‘Paul does have a point. They need to be by themselves sometimes. Just them. They need that. We shouldn’t always be with them. You see that, Klara?’

‘Of course.’

‘She misses her father. That’s natural. So let’s just sit out here for a while.’

Up ahead the signal color changed and we watched the cars move into the darkness beneath the bridge.



‘This must all be a shock for you,’ she said. ‘You must have questions.’

‘I think I understand.’

‘Oh? You understand? You understand what I’m asking of you? And it is me asking. Not Capaldi and not Paul. In the end it’s me. That’s who it comes down to. I’m asking you to make this work. Because if it happens, if it comes again, there’s going to be no other way for me to survive. I came through it with Sal, but I can’t do it again. So I’m asking you, Klara. Do your best for me. They told me in the store you were remarkable. I’ve watched you enough to know that’s maybe true. If you set your mind to it, then who knows? It might work. And I’ll be able to love you.’

We didn’t look at each other, but kept gazing out through the windshield. Beside me, on my side, an apron man had emerged from the Grind Our Own Beef building and was sweeping the sidewalk.

‘I don’t blame Paul. He’s entitled to his feelings. After Sal, he said we shouldn’t risk it. So what if Josie doesn’t get lifted? Plenty of kids aren’t. But I could never have that for Josie. I wanted the best for her. I wanted her to have a good life. You understand, Klara? I called it, and now Josie’s sick. Because of what I decided. You see how it feels for me?’

‘Yes. I’m sorry.’

‘Feeling sorry’s not what I’m asking of you. I’m asking you to do what’s within your power. And think what it’ll mean for you. You’ll be loved like nothing else in this world. Maybe one day I’ll take up with another man. Who knows? But I promise you I’ll never love him the way I’ll love you. You’ll be Josie and I’ll always love you over everything else. So do it for me. I’m asking you to do it for me. Continue Josie for me. Come on. Say something.’

‘I did wonder. If I were to continue Josie, if I were to inhabit the new Josie, then what would happen to…all this?’ I raised my arms in the air, and for the first time the Mother looked at me. She glanced at my face, then down at my legs. Then she looked away and said:



‘What does it matter? That’s just fabric. Look, there’s something else you might consider. Maybe it doesn’t mean so much to you, me loving you. But here’s something else. That boy. Rick. I can see he’s something to you. Don’t speak, let me speak. What I’m saying is that Rick worships Josie, always has done. If you continue Josie, you’ll have not just me but him. What will it matter that he’s not lifted? We’ll find a way to live together. Away from…everything. We’ll stay out there, just ourselves, away from all of this. You, me, Rick, his mother if she wants. It could work. But you have to pull it off. You have to learn Josie in her entirety. You hear me, honey?’

‘Until today,’ I said. ‘Until just now. I believed it was my duty to save Josie, to make her well. But perhaps this is a better way.’

The Mother turned in her seat slowly, reached out her arms and started to hug me. There was car equipment separating us, which made it hard for her to embrace me fully. But her eyes were closed in just the way they were when she and Josie rocked gently during a long embrace, and I felt her kindness sweeping through me.



* * *



—

The drivers wishing to enter the under-bridge area were annoyed at having to pass around the Mother’s car. Many gave me unfriendly stares as they went past, even though they could see I was a passenger and not responsible.

My concern however wasn’t the passing cars or their unfriendly drivers, but what was going on at that moment inside the Grind Our Own Beef. Had my mind not been momentarily filled by the Mother’s words and her embrace, I might have been able to dissuade her from going inside. But no sooner had the embrace finished – and despite her remarks about Josie and the Father needing time to themselves – she’d suddenly vanished from my side, slamming the car door behind her.