Kian (Undercover Billionaire, #1)(46)

Kian wasn’t the type of man who could easily change his type of thinking, and he was obsessing about whether or not he’d make a good parent. At one time in his life, he hadn’t hesitated to think about having kids of his own. He’d imagined Roxie and him sharing a home, her belly rounding with their child growing inside, a little girl with her eyes and hair running toward him. It had been a dream he’d been more than happy to have every single night. Until she’d left. Then that dream had turned into a nightmare.

Too restless to sit, Kian paced as he gazed from the playground to the parking lot. He was early, but he was still frustrated Roxie wasn’t there yet. A girl called out, and Kian watched as a father pushed his daughter on the swing, her legs sticking out as she called for him to go higher. The man smiled, looking happy as he bonded with his child. That should be Kian every single day.

Finally, Kian recognized the unsuitable vehicle as Roxie pulled up. He wasn’t sure if he should go over and help her or stand by and wait like he hadn’t been crawling out of his skin in anticipation of their arrival. He took too long to decide, and then he saw Roxie pulling Lily from the back seat. His little girl struggled to get down, and then Roxie was clutching her hand as she tried to wiggle away to get to the playground.

The second they came through the gate, Lily shot off like a torpedo, running with her limbs twisting in every direction as she headed straight for the ladder and began climbing. Kian wasn’t sure what to do. Panic slammed into him as he found himself holding his breath.

But Lily climbed up effortlessly, and then was shooting down the slide. She rushed back to the ladder as she instantly made friends with another girl about the same size, and they decided to race side by side down the slides again.

Roxie seemed hesitant to approach him, so Kian didn’t say anything as he kept an eye on her out of the corner of his eye while she slowly approached. His main focus was on his daughter. He couldn’t help but smile as she laughed with joy, instantly able to make friends with other kids at the park. He wanted to get her attention, but he knew this wasn’t a sprint. He didn’t want to smother her and have her be afraid of him.

Kian was anxious as he stood next to Roxie without speaking and continued watching Lily. How did parents do this? How did they not wrap their children in their arms and protect them? Lily ran fast over to the monkey bars and tripped, and he about jumped out of his skin. He moved to go to her, and Roxie placed a hand on his arm. It wasn’t enough pressure to stop him, but it did.

“She’s fine,” Roxie said in a soothing voice. And she was. Lily jumped to her feet and was off again.

“How do I do this?” he asked. It was odd, but that moment of her touch against his skin and his heart slowed; his breathing evened out.

“I was just like this the first week, afraid of everything, but I’ve learned that she’s smart and vivacious and independent. If we smother her, she gets frustrated. It will be fine,” she promised.

There was so much Kian wanted to speak to Roxie about, but this wasn’t the time or the place. They would talk, but it would be when Lily wasn’t around. Lily flew down the slide again and then came in a full-blown sprint toward them.

“Swing,” she demanded, her head turning from Roxie to him. She didn’t care which of them pushed her.

Kian grinned. “Let’s go,” he said.

She took off running to the swings, and he followed her, a smile engulfing his lips. He helped Lily up on the swing and pushed her gently. Her head swiveled around as she glared at him.

“Higher,” she demanded.

His heart pounded again, and he added a little more pressure to his push. Lily squealed with delight, and each time she launched into the air, he felt as if he could have a heart attack, but the sound of her laughter more than made up for the fear he was facing.

This was what he’d been wanting, to have a carefree afternoon with his daughter, to do this normal type of activity, to feel as if the world wasn’t continually spinning off its axis. He’d be happy to stay right where he was for the rest of his life.

Emotions he hadn’t known it was possible to feel flooded through him. His heart felt twice its normal size, and his cheeks hurt, he was grinning so much. He needed his daughter. He loved her without question, just like that.

Looking up, Kian’s gaze met Roxie’s, and for a moment, just a brief moment, she let down her guard, and the two of them shared a smile, a carefree smile as they shared their time with this amazing child. But, too quickly, Lily demanded their attention, and the connection was broken.

Could Kian have it all? Could he have the life he’d once taken for granted? And have his daughter as well? He wasn’t sure, but all of a sudden, it seemed like a real possibility. And for this small moment in time, everything in the world was right where it was supposed to be.

He felt a connection with both Roxie and Lily, but the uncertainty would be a constant. As long as he was aware of that, he’d be fine. Maybe he would finally learn to have patience. His mother always had said it was a virtue. He’d always thought that was a piece-of-crap line that those who had no goals used.

For people like him, who had to close the deal, patience was a weakness, but if he truly wanted to embrace his new role as a father, then he had to learn some new skills. The good news was that he was always up for a challenge.

“Done,” Lily yelled.

Kian stopped pushing his daughter, then tensed when she launched herself from the swing while it was too high up in the air. He took a step toward her when she rolled on the ground, but she giggled and then was up like a shot again, running over to the monkey bars.