Kian (Undercover Billionaire, #1)(32)
When Kian did have Lily with him, he was going to have to harden his heart more firmly against Roxie, if she decided to stick around. Their time had come and gone, and to think of them in a relationship again was impractical and just wasn’t going to happen, so he’d have to get used to seeing her, and he’d have to deal with it.
The out-of-sight, out-of-mind philosophy hadn’t worked out too well for him, anyway. He might have been able to push her from his thoughts when she’d been rude enough to enter them, but he’d been able to do nothing about his dreams of her—and she’d come to him often in that manner, causing him to wake up in a cold sweat with an incredibly hard body.
Kian in no way had time to dwell on those thoughts. Not if he didn’t want to be judged for the reaction that was sure to follow. There had never been another woman who affected him the way Roxie had. Sure, he could work up enough enthusiasm to scratch the itch, but with Roxie, it had been otherworldly. Kian shook his head as he turned away from the woman in question.
He was pissed at her, he reminded himself. He in no way wanted to have erotic fantasies about her. He also didn’t want to focus on the ways in which she’d pissed him off. Because he was either going to be turned on, or thinking of strangling her, and neither was an acceptable action at the moment.
The two of them had been given a lot of new information in the last month. Their initial meeting after four years hadn’t gone too well, until they’d ended up in the bedroom, but he couldn’t think about that. And just because they had a lot of baggage didn’t mean they couldn’t have a civil relationship for Lily’s sake.
They were adults, after all, and they could be civil to one another. Hell, he’d been civil to people he hated, so he knew it was possible. Because as much as he’d wanted to hate this woman over the past four years, he hadn’t been able to accomplish that.
He was glad he hadn’t. They were now bound to each other for the rest of their lives. Lily needed them both in some form or other. Lily’s shy smile flashed through his mind, and he felt his fear and anxiety begin to fade. They were bound together through this beautiful little girl. How could he be angry when he was thinking of Lily? He couldn’t. Kian would simply choose to think about his daughter now, not about the past couple of years he’d missed. He was going to look forward to what was to come.
Heck, there were a lot of firsts to come, he realized. He was going to teach his daughter how to ride a bike, a horse, and a sheep. He would take her to the swimming hole and teach her how to do a cannonball and how to dive. They’d have lazy afternoons of fishing, and exciting nights of rodeos. She could be anything she wanted to be—whether it was a ballerina or a NASCAR driver, or possibly she’d follow in her father’s footsteps and be a doctor. That filled him with unbelievable pride. The sky was the limit with his daughter, and he’d show her love and kindness and support for whatever it was she wanted to do in life.
So, he might not be happy he’d lost a couple of years, but when he realized how much more was in store for the two of them, he couldn’t help but feel optimistic. Kian looked at Roxie, who was gazing at him with a furrowed brow, worry clearly dominant in her expression.
His gains were her losses. He knew this, and it pained him, but he couldn’t think that way. He might have made a mistake in whom he’d shared a bed with, but he wouldn’t ever be able to think of Lily as a burden. She was his, and he was glad he had her. No one would keep them apart. He just wished Roxie didn’t have to be hurt for him to have what he wanted. He’d once loved her too much to cause her this type of suffering.
Kian knew he’d made many mistakes in his lifetime, but he’d been raised by incredible parents who had shown him love and support in all he’d done. He’d been scolded when he was wrong, but he’d been held as well. Kian knew he’d have a million questions for both his mom and dad, and he knew they’d answer him honestly. He’d been loved his entire life, and now he’d give that same love to his daughter.
And maybe someday . . . he didn’t even want to think the thought, but maybe Lily would have siblings. Kian’s face turned as he looked at Roxie again. But he forced his eyes away. That ship had come and gone. There was a time he’d wanted children with her, but she’d walked away from him—and Kian Forbes begged no one for a single thing.
All these thoughts passed through Kian’s mind in a matter of seconds. It might feel as if he were alone on an island, but he was still in the room with Roxie and Sal, and no one seemed to be saying anything. What could be said after the revelations that had been exposed today? Not a hell of a lot.
“We’re finished here,” Sal told them, and Kian was glad there weren’t any further revelations. He didn’t think his system could take anything else—at least not today.
“Good,” Kian said. He stepped forward and shook Sal’s hand. “I’ll have my attorney get ahold of you if he has any questions.”
“We can talk without another attorney,” Sal said, instantly scowling.
“I’m not jeopardizing anything when it comes to my daughter,” Kian said, his normal humor gone from his tone.
Sal stared at him a moment, but then relented, nodding. Kian then faced Roxie, who had lost all color in her cheeks. He couldn’t think about that right now. He was doing what had to be done.
“Why don’t we walk out together?” he said, holding out his arm in a sort of peace offering. She looked at the arm as if it were a snake about to strike. Then she shook her head and turned to Sal, skipping the handshake and giving him a hug.