Keeping Me (Spy Chronicles Book 2)(31)

“Can’t or won’t? Because it doesn’t matter if I’m stronger or faster. You don’t have a choice,” he says. “You have to beat me. Now get up.”

“No,” I say, stubbornly.

“Serenity Sinclair, you are the most frustrating woman I have ever met.”

“And you’re the most frustrating guy I’ve ever met, Sebastian Soto.”

He laughs.

Which pisses me off more.

I use a move that he taught me and swing my leg under him, causing him to fall. He only fell for it because he wasn’t expecting it. The problem is, when I knock his legs out from under him, he falls on top of me.

“Ouch,” I say.

Sebastian’s whole body is literally shaking with laughter as he rolls off beside me.

I laugh too, because it is kind of funny.

But he suddenly stops laughing and looks at me. “I don’t want you to be hurt again. Seeing you lie in the hospital bed was torture for me.”

“But you didn’t even like me then,” I say, scooting so that I am facing him.

“You know that’s not true,” he says.

“It’s hard to tell if you like me,” I say. “Sometimes, it doesn’t seem like it. You say you do, but you don’t act like it.”

“I’m not good with the whole showing emotions thing,” he says. “Did you really not have any friends before you met the guys?”

I shake my head. “Not even one. I tried. Once. And I got into a lot of trouble for it. I’ve just been very lonely. Meeting the guys changed that. And they introduced me to the world. I know there is still a lot left to experience and I’m excited to do just that.”

“I guess I am starting to understand your relationship with them better,” Bass says.

“My dad is, too,” I say. “At least I finally got him to understand that there isn’t anything romantic going on with them.”

“Are you sure none of them feel that way about you?”

I shrug. “Even if somebody was interested in me, I don’t think I’d be able to tell. I always thought I was good at reading people. I mean, I used to watch people a lot from a distance. But reading them from a distance and reading them when you know them are two very different things.”

Bass doesn't say anything back. He just looks up at the sky. And I look at him, wishing that I could read his thoughts. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

People are far more complicated than I imagined them to be. In my head, they were simple. Easy. But Sebastian Soto is neither easy nor simple.

“I'm convinced life would be far simpler if everybody just spoke what they thought without fear of rejection,” I say.

He turns to me. “And what would you say if you weren't scared?”

“I don't know,” I answer. “Maybe I'd tell you that your eyes are the same color as the sky in Florida, and that I've never seen anything more amazing. Or I'd tell you that you're the most frustrating person on the planet. You piss me off quite often, and anger isn't an emotion I'm used to feeling.”

“You're telling me that your fake family grounded you from food for a month at a time, they kicked and hit you, locked you in closets, and who knows what else, and you're not used to being angry?”

“It sounds crazy, but I guess back then, I thought it was my fault,” I say. “I thought I deserved the punishments in some way. And I accepted them.”

“It's a good thing that people don't just speak their minds,” Sebastian says. “Because some things other people don't need to know. Like when a girl asks a guy if she looks fat. She doesn't want to hear him say yes. She just wants to hear him tell her that she's beautiful.”

I laugh. “Is that all it takes? Just to ask a guy if I look fat?”

“I don't think that would work for you,” Bass says.

“Because I'm still at least twenty pounds under weight,” I say. “I know. I'm skinny and gross. You don't need to remind me.”

“See. You do it, too,” he says, now smiling.

“I didn’t say that because I want you to tell me that I’m pretty, Bass,” I say. “I know that I’m not pretty. It’s okay. When I meet a guy one day that I want to date, I want him to like me for me, and not just the way I look on the outside.”

“You’re wrong about not being pretty,” Bass says. “You are very pretty. But I’ve met a lot of beautiful women in my lifetime. Spy School is full of them.”

“Yeah, I guess it is,” I say.

Because he’s right.

There are a lot of pretty girls at Spy School. Girls a lot prettier than I am.

This whole crush thing that I have on Sebastian is stupid. He would never, in a million years, date somebody like me. I’m too messed up. Too... strange. He deserves so much better.

“But the thing is it’s not just your looks that make you beautiful. It’s everything,” Sebastian says. “It’s how... well, you say you’re not meant for this life, right? But I know you’re wrong. You’ve already picked up so much. And a lot is just instinct with you. Instinct isn’t something that can be taught.”

“My instincts aren’t that great,” I say. “I trusted Nolan. And if I hadn’t watched him shoot Gage with my own eyes, I don’t think I would’ve believed it.”