It's Only Love(41)

“High time for sure.” He moved the ball from hand to hand. “You’re being careful, right?”

“No,” Ella said with a sigh. “I’m not being careful at all. I’m in this so deep, Wade.”

“You’ve been in it so deep with him for a long time now.”

“Yes, I have. And now that I have him, so to speak, it’s made all the years of wanting him so worth it.”

His face set in an oddly contemplative expression. “That must be nice.”

“It is nice. It’s . . . It’s amazing. I always sort of knew it would be this way, but now I know it for sure.”

“I’m happy for you, Ella. You know that, right?”

“Sure.” Why did she hear yet another but coming?

“I just hope he doesn’t disappoint you.”

“You and everyone else I’m related to.” She leaned her elbows on the desktop. “Everyone is saying the same thing. Even he is saying it.”

“And yet . . .”

“And yet, even though I know it’s a slippery slope, I’ve never been this happy, Wade. Ever.”

“Do you know why you’re my favorite sister and my favorite sibling?”

“Why?” she asked, touched by words he’d never said out loud before.

“Because you’re the least judgmental person I know and the nicest. No matter what’s going on, you’re always up, always positive, always optimistic. Those are such admirable qualities. I think we all wish we were more like you.”

“Stop,” she said, feeling leaky around the eyes. Her normally reserved brother was rather effusive today. “That’s not true.”

“It is true. You’re everyone’s go-to person when they need a pick-me-up. Good old Ella is there for everyone. I honestly think there are those among us who would kill anyone who hurt you, even someone we love as much as we do Gavin.”

Incredibly touched by his sweet words, Ella said, “I love you for caring so much and for all the nice things you said about me, even if I don’t feel I deserve such high praise.”

“You deserve it, Ella. You deserve the best of everything. Don’t settle for less, you hear me?”

“I won’t. I promise.”

“Good.” He returned the stress ball to the desk. “Then my work here is finished.”

“Are you ever going to tell me who it is that has you tied up in knots?”





CHAPTER 13




Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.

—Robert H. Schuller



Wade seemed momentarily stunned. “What?”

“You think I don’t know, but I do. I’ve known for a long time there was someone.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he said bitterly. “She’s not available to me.”

“I knew it! Who is she? Tell me everything.”

Wade sagged back into the chair. “Nothing much to tell. We’re friends. She’s married. Not happily, but she won’t talk about it. I worry he’s knocking her around, but I can’t prove it. Now I don’t even really talk to her anymore.” He shrugged. “It’s not going to happen, so what’s the point of thinking about it?”

“I know that feeling, when it all seems so hopeless.”

“In this case, it is hopeless. She’s married to someone else.”

“What’s her name?”

He hesitated before he said, “Mia.”

“How did you meet her?”

“At a yoga retreat.”

“When?”

“A year and a half ago.”

“Oh God, Wade . . . And all that time . . .”

His shrug was confirmation.

Filled with sadness for his dilemma, Ella got up and went around the desk, sitting in the chair next to his. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Nothing to tell. It was over before it began.”

“Why do you think he’s knocking her around?”

“She’s always got bruises on her arms that she says are because she’s clumsy, but they look like fingerprints to me. Like someone grabbed her hard. She denies that he’s hurting her.”

Ella took a deep breath and blew it out. “You’re worried, though.”

“Hell, yes, I’m worried! I keep telling myself it’s not my deal. She’s not mine. She’s married to him, not me. And every night I lie awake wondering how she is, if she’s hurting, if she’s scared, why she doesn’t call me anymore. It f*cking sucks.”

Ella picked up the stress ball and put it back in his hands, covering them with hers. “I can’t imagine what that must be like.”

“Every day I say this is the day I’m not going to think about her anymore, and every night I’m right back in hell, left to wonder where she is, if she’s okay, whether she ever thinks of me the way I think of her.”

“Why haven’t you told me about her before?”

“I don’t know.” He squeezed the ball and then glanced at her. “I told Hannah once in a weak moment. I needed to tell someone, and she was willing to listen.”

“I’m glad you told someone. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”