Into the Bright Unknown (The Gold Seer Trilogy #3)(81)

By the time they’re lowering the third safe, Jefferson appears, riding Sorry. He dismounts and retrieves a canteen and a bit of hardtack from his saddlebag. The water feels good sliding down my throat. “Thanks.”

“I figured I’d find you here.”

“One thing left to do,” I say.

“You should have told me you were going.”

“I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Which would have been no big deal at all. Lee. We’re going to be married. You’re not alone anymore. You have to stop thinking like an alone person.”

“I . . . you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“You’ve been through a lot. I understand.”

And I believe he really does. “Keep reminding me,” I say. “Keep lecturing. I agree with you. It’s just that, like with the gold, I need practice.”

He wraps an arm around my shoulders and plants a kiss on the top of my head.

I watch every safe swing into the ship. I stretch out my hand, close my eyes, and get the shape and feel of it all. So much gold. All in one place. My practice must be paying off, because a year ago, maybe even a month ago, so much gold nearby would have rendered me senseless.

The fog is burning away, and the breeze is picking up when one of the safes clangs like a cymbal in my head. I gasp.

“Lee? What’s wrong?”

“I . . . nothing.” My breath comes in pants. “It’s the safe. The one I was waiting for.”

His face breaks into a grin. “So it worked! You can sense that one just fine, then?”

“Oh, yes. Oh, my. It’s . . . intense.” I close my eyes and follow the safe and its contents as it’s lowered into place. It’s near the keel line now, lashed to the other safes. Perfect.

“Are you going to be okay?”

“Yes.”

“You’ve given up so much already, Lee. I hate to see you lose this, too.”

I yawn and rub my eyes. Those golden dice were small, but it took so much effort and concentration to control them last night that I’m exhausted. Like I climbed the Rockies again instead of just playing a few hands of cards. “It will be worth it,” I tell him. “I started my journey with that locket. It’s only fitting I end with it.” It will be worth it, I repeat silently to myself.

Jefferson collects Sorry, and they leave to refill his canteen and fetch more food.

I’m glad, because I need this moment alone to say good-bye. After today, the very last tangible memory of my mother will be gone. Thank you, Mama, I say, hoping she can hear me from wherever she is.

The ship is almost fully loaded by the time Jefferson and Sorry return. He carries a basket of still-warm biscuits, but I only take a few bites. I don’t want nature calling me away. I don’t want to miss a thing.

As gold fills the hold of the ship, the temptation to do something grows stronger, but I have to wait a little longer.

Hardwick arrives with a wagon carrying the last pair of safes. Mr. Keys is with him, slumped over as though half drunk and twice as miserable as the night before. As the penultimate safe swings into the air, I stretch out my hand and think about how easy it would be. Just push and pull, get the rope swinging back and forth in the right direction, then yank it off so it lands right on Hardwick’s head.

But I’m not a murderer. I’m not that coldhearted. Am I?

Plenty of folks have gotten hurt around me. Daddy and Mama, gunned down like animals in their own home. Poor Mr. Joyner, crushed when the wagon rolled down the mountainside. Therese, dying in the desert, giving up her life to save her family. Her brother Martin, killed by my uncle’s men. All of Muskrat’s people, dying in the mining camp—maybe even Muskrat himself, since no one has seen him since that terrible night. Jim, shot before my very eyes, bleeding in the mud at my feet. And Frank Dilley, who even now might be hanging at Portsmouth Square.

The last safe swings over the ship and gradually lowers into the hold, and I let it. I don’t do a thing about it.

Beside me, Jefferson uses his pocketknife to slide a bit of cheese from a wedge. “Want some?” he asks.

“Not just yet.”

This is my last chance to fix that final safe full of gold in my mind, to feel where it fits with the others in the hold of the ship. The ship rocks on the waves, but the safes are tied down tightly. I sense them moving with the flow of water, but their weights don’t shift one bit relative to one another. In the center of it all is the familiar chest, containing a stack of gold bars, all wrapped tight with rope around the centerpiece of my mama’s locket.

I know from Melancthon that the captain wants to take the ship out with the ebb tide, as the moon rises late this afternoon. I feel hollow inside, from all the gold I moved yesterday, from the lack of sleep and food, from the final choice I know I’m about to make.

Hardwick stands on the deck, with only Mr. Keys at his side. Hardwick is smaller than a toy soldier, but I still recognize him. Two days ago, he was arguably the most powerful man in California. Today, no one shows up to wish him farewell.

But it’s not enough to sully his reputation and cast suspicion. The people of New York don’t know him like we do. When he shows up with all the gold he’s collected in California, they’ll fall all over themselves to make him feel at home.

A few loyal underlings wander the deck. I recognize the fellow who was guarding the bank the night they caught the robber. But I’m glad Large and Larger are not among them. I never saw them do anything cruel.