Inkmistress (Of Fire and Stars 0.5)(70)

My heart froze. The look in his eyes was so open and earnest. He believed in my goodness. And while he seemed to be more the sort to offer a helping hand when it was convenient and then be on his way, I knew it wasn’t like that with us. For some time now, he’d been offering me somewhere to fall. Somewhere to be safe. But I couldn’t be. Not with the fate-twisting blood that ran in my veins.

“But that’s the thing,” I whispered. “I can.”

“What?” He looked at me in confusion.

“That amulet your sister and the king have been seeking—the Fatestone—gives a bloodscribe the ability to use their gifts without cost, by preserving life instead of draining it away.” I took a deep breath. “Because the Fatestone offsets the cost of my power, it will also give me the ability to rewrite the past. I can undo the mess I’ve created from the very beginning.”

Hal stared at me in shock. “That’s why you want the Fatestone . . . not to be able to safely shape the future, but so you can rewrite the past.”

I nodded. “I have to. I could stop all of this before it starts. I can save the king without a battle ever having to take place. Nothing else will stop Ina now. With Nismae behind her, what other choice do I have?” I begged him to understand.

“But . . . if you rewrite the history of it all, I never would have found you,” he said, his voice soft.

“But the kingdom . . .” My voice trailed off.

The sorrow in his expression gutted me—the way he couldn’t quite meet my eyes. We had known each other only a few short moons, and yet I was important enough to him that he didn’t want things to change. He didn’t want to let go.

The knowledge cut like a knife. I so desperately wanted to be able to give him what he wanted. Sometimes all I could think about was how it might feel to put my arms around him, to bury my face in his neck, to find out what his lips tasted like. But I couldn’t have that. Not when death seemed as tied to my gift as my own shadow was to my body.

I stood up and crossed the room to him.

“I wouldn’t like that part either, but would it be so bad? All I’ve managed to do is get you into trouble. First we get detained by guardsmen, then nearly killed by Tamers, and you had to betray your own sister all because of me. Now you’re back in Corovja, when you never wanted to be.” I had to get him to understand that changing the past was for the best.

“Betraying Nismae was a choice I made. Don’t you understand? I chose you.” He met my gaze then and took my hand, his expression fierce.

“Hal . . .” I liked the warmth of his hand in mine. I didn’t quite understand why he was so upset, or how choosing me now meant we shouldn’t do what we could to save the kingdom at any cost. Wasn’t that why he’d saved me—because he knew I was the best hope of stopping Ina?

“I should go,” he said, dropping my hand.

Fear fluttered in my chest like a caged bird. I didn’t want to be separated from him, much less when he was upset with me. We’d been together for so many weeks. It would be strange to wake up alone.

Hal looked into my eyes, and for the first time I saw a hint of the same worry line Nismae had between her eyebrows.

“I make my own decisions,” he said, his voice firm.

“I know you do.” I understood that, but it didn’t mean that helping me hadn’t hurt him.

“It is my choice to be here with you right now. In this room, in this castle, in this city I didn’t think I ever wanted to return to,” he said.

“I know,” I said, my voice smaller. I swallowed hard.

He moved toward me, so close that energy crackled between us. I longed to close the last of that gap, to ask him to stay in my room with me even though it was a terrible idea. I wanted to fall asleep with him, but not like we had on the road, back to back for warmth and safety.

Now I wanted to learn the planes of his face by tracing his jawline and cheekbones with my fingers.

I wanted to learn his body by meeting it with every curve of mine.

I wanted his dimpled smile to be the first thing I saw when I woke up.

He cupped my cheek in his hand. My eyes fluttered closed as I leaned into his touch, my heart hammering so loudly I couldn’t think. His other arm wrapped around my waist, tugging gently until I stood pressed against him. The moment our bodies connected, heat burst in the pit of my stomach.

I opened my eyes, hoping it might help me fight what was happening, but I might as well have tried to dam a river with a handful of pine needles.

All I could think about was how badly I wanted him to kiss me.

He whispered my name, then traced his thumb over my lower lip. I trembled in his arms, searching his dark eyes for some evidence that he understood why we shouldn’t do this, something I could latch onto and use to fight my own feelings.

All I saw was tenderness, and a hot flame of desire that mirrored my own.

“Asra, you need to understand that I will always choose you.”

Without waiting for me to respond, he turned and walked out the door.





CHAPTER 27


AFTER DINNER, WHEN I HAD MY EMOTIONS BACK UNDER control, I searched for Hal. Something had to be done to ease the tension between us—some acknowledgment of what we felt, or an agreement made as to what to do about it. How was I supposed to respond to his declaration that he’d always choose me? I couldn’t give him that in return—at least not until I atoned for the mistakes I’d made and the deaths I’d caused. Couldn’t we work together to help the kingdom first and put other things aside?