Inkmistress (Of Fire and Stars 0.5)(41)

“No mortal could have done all you did,” Hal said. “You helped us get out of Valenko unscathed. You talked sense into your friend. You bargained with the Tamers and defeated a corrupt demigod, then used that power to heal. That’s amazing.”

I sighed. “Yet here I am, back on the road in search of yet another person who has a vendetta against the king.”

“From what little I know of Ina, I’m pretty sure Nismae is nothing like her. Nis has an agenda, certainly. And always several irons in the fire, knives up both her sleeves, and half a dozen spies in every city. But she’s never let that stop her from being a good sister,” Hal said.

“Ina wasn’t my sister,” I said. She was both so much more and, in the end, so much less. Whatever I was to her, it wasn’t enough.

“My point is that Nismae has her preoccupations, but she wouldn’t desert me. Like your friend, she has her secrets that she chooses to reveal only at her own discretion, but she would never let those come between us. She’s forthright when it matters most.”

“You’re lucky to have her,” I said. I didn’t know what else to say. In his attempts to frame his sister as a source of hope, he’d only reminded me of what I lacked.

“Yes, I am. She’ll help you, too, though. I’m sure of it. She has to know something that will help you uncover your parentage,” he said.

“She’ll probably tell me I’m descended from some forgotten god of dung.” I kicked a rock and sent it flying across the road.

Hal chortled. “That would explain how well you fertilized those plants in the Tamers’ forest!”

I couldn’t help a smile. “Maybe for my next act I should see if I can conjure fewmets to use as a starter for our fire tonight.”

“That’s the spirit! We might as well enjoy the journey while we’re on it,” he said. “Here we are, free, out on the open road!” He stretched out his arms as though the dull, rocky landscape was something we should be thrilled to be a part of, as though he could see the sun shining from some far-off place beyond the clouds. “Look at us! We can shout obscenities about the king and no one can throw us in jail! For example, it would probably take an entire team of plow horses to dislodge the enormous stick from his rear!”

I covered my mouth with my hand, pretending to be shocked even as a smile crept onto my face.

“We can do dances that have been banned in Corovja!” Hal gyrated in a way that was both peculiar and suggestive in equal measure.

That time, I couldn’t help giggling. He looked ridiculous.

“We can pretend to be feral Mynarian war steeds galloping for freedom from the oppression of idiots who wear tin cans on their heads!” He whinnied and cantered zigzags across the road in front of me.

“Stop it,” I said, laughing. All the awful things that had happened should have outweighed my ability to feel any lightness or humor.

“Why? There’s no one here to see us! No one to tell us what to do! We could keep going clear past Orzai and Corovja to the Zir Canyon and see who can spit farthest off the edge!”

I laughed so hard my cheeks started to ache.

“We can sing bawdy tavern songs inappropriate for a fine young lady such as yourself!” He broke into a song called “The Tavern Lamb,” which involved a wide variety of intoxicating drinks, a woman who enjoyed them all, and several mentions of sheep’s wool that were clearly metaphors for something else entirely.

“You’re hurting me!” I gasped to catch my breath.

He walked backward in front of me, grinning. Despite my conviction that I didn’t deserve it, the laughter eased the burdens I carried with me, unknotting the tangle of leaden feelings in my chest. Even my satchel felt lighter on my shoulder, and the part of me that Ina carried with her ached a little bit less.

“You needed that,” Hal observed.

“Maybe I did,” I replied. In that moment, my gratitude for him was overwhelming, but fear followed close on its heels. I liked him. His appearance in my life had been a blessing, but how long could I expect to have his company? Certainly not past the time it took to get to Orzai and introduce me to his sister. The moment I had a clue about the location of the Fatestone, I’d have to press on to Atheon, wherever that was.

Nothing was permanent, and the things we thought were solid could be ripped out from beneath us at any moment.

Perhaps that was why I felt compelled to take his hand.

It was warm, and his long fingers wove comfortably through mine.

His eyes widened in surprise, and then he smiled, a little more shyly than the playful grin he’d worn before. He didn’t seem sure what to make of me. I wasn’t sure what to make of myself, either, but I liked the steadiness of being connected to him. After spending most of my life alone, I was learning to be grateful for the opportunities I got for good company and easy companionship. I’d have to work on accepting that no relationship, and certainly no love, could last forever.

I could learn to enjoy my simple and temporary connection with Hal because it didn’t have to last. I’d been a fool to hope for a lifetime with Ina. Perhaps love was only an ephemeral thing that existed for a breath or a heartbeat, there and gone like a sunbeam breaking through the clouds of a storm.

After a hard day’s walk east, we found the northern road. There were not many signs of other travelers. A few pairs of wagon ruts cut lines through the road, none of them fresh. I tried to keep my mind on how light I’d felt in the few moments when Hal had made me laugh. I had to focus on the future, not the past, which meant I needed to know more about Nismae.