Iniquity (The Premonition, #5)(28)

“Not without your help. I thought that I could do it alone, but after what he showed us today, I’ll need you. You were remade for just this purpose. A special killer.”

“If I’m a killer, why was I given a conscience?”

His eyes darken with a grim shadow. “So you won’t fail.”

I feel as if he’s burying me alive. “I need to talk to Reed.” Anguish and fear at the discovery that I’m here to kill Emil is doing bad things to me.

Xavier is by my side, pulling me into his arms. “Breathe,” he murmurs in my ear as he rubs my back. “You can do this. You’ve trained for it in every one of your past lifetimes.”

“I’m terrified of Emil! He’s a freaking monster!”

“You never back down from monsters, Evie. Never.”

In a daze, I rest my cheek against his sculpted chest. “Emil is the same as me, isn’t he? A half-breed, right?”

“Yes, but I don’t know what his range of abilities are...however, I didn’t like what I saw a few hours ago.”

“He can annihilate my soul, too, can’t he? I could cease to be.”

“That won’t happen. I won’t let it,” Xavier promises.

I lift my cheek from him, looking up into his eyes. “How will you stop it? Emil has been waiting for me for a long time now, hasn’t he? He knew I was coming back. It was preordained.”

Xavier gives me a solemn nod. “I don’t know how much he knows. We began by hiding you here,” Xavier looks around my bedroom, “but some scouts found us once you became a teenager. Things got interesting after that.”

“How come I never knew? How come no one trusted me enough to tell me? ”

“Your father didn’t want you burdened with it until you began your evolution into angel. He just wanted you safe. That’s all. I was forbidden to tell you.”

I step out of his arms. “You should’ve told me anyway! Emil has probably known who he is since he was reborn. His freaking parents probably told him everything from the beginning!”

“That doesn’t give him the advantage. Your strength lies in your ability to love.”

“You make me sound like a saint, which is a bad thing, because what I know from history is that they all die horribly.”

“Not this time. I won’t allow it. We need to find out how Simone died, Evie.”

“Why?”

“Because therein lies the connection. You were specifically called upon—no one consulted me—even when I was a part of the last mission, too.”

“Maybe Sheol requested my soul or something,” I say with sarcasm. I see his eyes narrow. “What? You think they specifically named me for some reason?”

“You asked if you thought you were seeking revenge. Maybe it’s not you who wants revenge.”

“Emil wants another crack at me—wants to crush me?” I straighten my slouched shoulders as I look into his eyes, cobalt blue and bottle green. “What do I get for accepting this mission? Is this the price of my freedom? Annihilate Emil’s soul, and then it’s done? Do I get to walk away from Divine service? If I had to guess, that’s what I was after. I’m so tired, Xavier. Deep-down-to-my-soul weary. I can see me risking everything to put an end to my eternity of servitude.”

“You’re a fighter; it’s woven in every fiber of your being.” Xavier’s soft tone does something to me. I want to hide beneath it, wrap myself in it and rest.

“Maybe I’m a fighter because that’s what you’ve made me—lifetimes of fighting for you. Was that the price we paid for being together? Did we have to agree to mission after mission just to see one another?” It’s in his eyes. I’m right. I put both my hands to my face and cover my weary eyes for a moment. When I pull them away, I ask, “Did it get to be too much for me? Was the price too high to pay? Maybe I can’t remember us because I wanted it that way. Did I decide to cut my heart out rather than to have it die slowly?” I feel like sobbing.

“No. You’d always fight for us,” Xavier replies without a hint of doubt. “The answer lies in Simone—in her memories.”

“You want me to go back there to him! Back to Lille with Emil!” I begin to pace again, biting my thumbnail anxiously.

“I want you to find out what happened,” Xavier says in an even tone.

I point my finger at him. “No. You’re asking me to relive what happened!”

“If it means defeating Emil in this lifetime then, yes, that’s what I’m asking. I need to know the debt owed to iniquity.”

“The debt to iniquity—to wickedness?” I murmur aloud.

“Emil’s power is a concession—that’s plain to me. I want to know why.”

TUNK, TUNK, TUNK, loud creaking noises from the foundation of the house interrupts Xavier just as a wave of power surges into the room. A screech, the whine of straining pipes, echoes within the plaster walls. Magic surges heavy in the air; it saturates me in a deluge of fear. I draw some energy into me so that I can use it, but the feel of it repulses me. It’s like the sweaty, overheated embrace from someone you hate. I expel it immediately. My flesh wants to crawl off me.

Xavier holds out his hand to me. “It’s Emil. Let’s go. I have a portal to your father.”