Infinite(85)

I got off the sofa again, feeling restless. Everything she said made sense, but I was having trouble leaving the experiences of my hypnosis behind. “This will sound like a strange question, but are the police looking for me?”

Surprise creased her face. “The police? For what?”

“Murder. Four women were stabbed to death. They’d all attended events at my hotel.”

“Murder? God, no, there’s nothing like that. I’m so sorry, you must have gone through horrific things while you were under. That’s very unusual. Most patients don’t have experiences that are nearly so . . . violent. In fact, most of them never make it out of their portal. But I take it you did.”

“Yes.”

“You actually went to other worlds?”

“I went to several worlds, but the first time—”

“Yes?”

“The first time felt like it was the real world. That’s how I remember it. I don’t recall getting there through the Art Institute. You even had me say the safe word for you in that world, and nothing changed. I didn’t come back here. I don’t understand how that could be.”

“The safe word only works if you’re aware of what’s happening to you,” Eve replied. “Your brain may not have been ready to process the experience yet.”

I thought about that world and everything I’d experienced. The insanity. The violence. The doppelg?nger breaking into my life. Of course, none of it was real. Of course, I was already deep inside Eve’s therapy.

So why did being here feel wrong?

“I’m distressed if this was traumatic for you,” Eve went on. “That was definitely never the point of the therapy.”

She sensed my disorientation and tried to reassure me with a smile.

“Look, we obviously need to talk about everything you experienced,” she went on, “but it’s better if we don’t do that right now. You need time to process. We can set up another appointment in a few days, and you can fill me in on what you went through. In the meantime, hopefully your short-term memory will begin to come back, too.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

“It might be better if you don’t drive yourself home.”

“No, I’m fine. I’m starting to feel better. But I do have some questions. With my memory gone, I need to know—well, I need to know more about who I am. I’m a little lost about what’s real and what’s not.”

“Certainly. Ask anything you want.”

I paced back and forth in her office, trying to gather my thoughts. Eve’s desk was on the opposite wall, and I ran my hand along the oak surface. She had a copy of her book there: Many Worlds, Many Minds. It matched the book I’d purchased in the hotel ballroom, at a time when I still thought I was in the real world. When I picked it up and turned it over, I saw the same photograph of Eve that I’d seen in the poster for her event.

“Dylan?” Eve asked. “Are you okay?”

I put the book back down on her desk. “I guess so. You called me Dylan. That’s my name, right? Dylan Moran.”

She smiled. “Yes.”

“What day is it?”

“Wednesday.”

“Where do I work?”

“You tell me,” she replied. “It’s easier to get your memory back if you let your brain help you. Where do you think you work?”

“I’m the events manager for the LaSalle Plaza Hotel.”

“That’s right.”

“I live in an apartment across from River Park. My grandfather, Edgar, lives upstairs.”

“Yes.”

I thought about everything else that had changed in the other worlds. “Have I mentioned a woman named Tai Ragasa during our sessions?”

“The coworker with a crush on you? Yes.”

“But that’s all she is to me? A coworker? We’re not involved?”

“No.”

“My best friend, Roscoe Tate. He’s—he’s not alive.”

“No. You lost Roscoe in a car accident several years ago. It was a devastating event for you. He was the one stable influence in your life after the deaths of your parents.”

“That was also the night . . . ,” I began, but I couldn’t go on.

Eve waited, but when she saw me hesitate, she filled in the blanks. “That was also the night you met Karly.”

“Eve, why did I come to you?”

“You know the answer to that question, Dylan. Why don’t you tell me?”

“Karly,” I said. “I lost her in the flood.”

“See? You do remember.”

“But I don’t remember coming to you. I don’t remember any of this.”

Eve shrugged. “Three weeks ago, I had an event at your hotel. I gave a lecture about my Many Worlds, Many Minds theory. Afterward, you came up to me. This was only a few days after the accident. You were still devastated, still in deep grief. You said you normally didn’t have much time for shrinks, but everyone had been telling you to get help. My theory intrigued you. You said that ever since the accident, you’d been obsessed with your bad choices. You thought Karly had died because of the man you were and the mistakes you’d made in life. You wondered whether there was a Dylan out there who’d made better choices, and you wanted to know what that world might look like. That’s how it began.”