Infinite(16)

It got blacker.

I shouted at him. “Why are you here? Tell me!”

This time, my shadow man answered. He whispered from the trees.

“To kill.”





CHAPTER 6

I ran.

I ran without looking back at the river. I sprinted through the park’s wet green fields, dodged through random side streets like a man being chased, and finally boarded the first bus that passed my way. I didn’t care where it was going. It took me away, which was what I wanted. Eventually I got off and transferred, and then transferred again. A long time later, I made it back to the hotel. I hurried through the lobby without talking to anyone and twitched impatiently, waiting for the elevator. When the doors opened, I tensed, not sure what I would see inside. The same was true when I got to the floor where I was staying.

I expected to see him. Me.

Finally, back in my room, I locked the dead bolt. I even thought about dragging a chair to the door to make sure it wouldn’t open. With my heart pounding, I paced back and forth between the walls, unable to stop, unable to calm down. When the phone rang, I jumped. I let it go, and eventually the ringing stopped, but only seconds later, it rang again. This time, I picked up the receiver without announcing myself. I waited nervously to hear who was on the other end, and I exhaled in relief when I heard Tai’s voice.

“Hey,” she said. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. Fine.”

“I tried you several times and didn’t get an answer. I was worried. I asked the desk people to keep an eye out for when you got back.”

“I was out,” I told her, without going into detail.

“Do you need anything?”

“No. Thanks.”

Tai was quiet for a while, breathing softly into the phone. “Well, I’m almost done for the day. I’ll be heading home soon. The team has everything under control for the Eve Brier event. Our Lady of Infinite Worlds. She’s speaking in the ballroom tonight.”

“I remember.”

“You sure you’re okay? You sound tense.”

I was more than tense. My life was breaking down like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, but I couldn’t tell her why. I couldn’t even explain it to myself.

“I’m fine, Tai. You’ve had a long day. Go home.”

“Okay.”

But she didn’t hang up.

“Do you want some company?” she went on after a brief pause. “There’s nothing but Lean Cuisine and Prime Video waiting in my apartment. I still have that thank-you bottle of pinot the Walkers gave us. I could bring it up, and we could talk. Or not talk. If you want to just sit there and drink and look at the lake, we could do that, too.”

“Not tonight.”

“Look, I know you may feel like it’s better to be alone, but that’s not always the best thing. Sometimes it helps to have a friend there with you. Someone warm, someone who cares.”

As if her meaning wasn’t clear enough, she made it even clearer.

“I can stay all night if you want, Dylan. As a friend. That’s all. I really have no expectations. But if you need to be close to someone, I’m here.”

I was tempted. Not because I’d ever been attracted to Tai, not because I wanted sex, but because I liked the idea of having a real person with me, keeping me sane. I was afraid of being alone and of what would happen to me next.

Listening to her, I also felt like a fool for missing her intentions. Karly had been right, as she usually was. I’d been telling Tai my secrets for months because it felt safe, but there was nothing safe about it.

“I appreciate the offer,” I told her over the phone, “but I wouldn’t be very good company.”

“Are you sure?”

“Very sure.”

Her disappointment was palpable. “Well, the door is always open, Dylan. I mean that. If you change your mind, call me. Or come by my apartment. I don’t want you feeling like you have to be by yourself.”

“Thanks, Tai.”

I hung up the phone. The hotel room was quiet, just the rumbling white noise of the fan blowing warm air. I’d turned up the heat, but I was still cold, because my clothes were soaking wet. I peeled them off and stood shivering in the darkness. I’d bought a bottle of bourbon in the gift shop earlier, and I opened it and poured a glass, neat. The amber liquid trailed fire down my throat into my stomach, and the warmth spread. I took it to the window and stared out at the city, where night had fallen. In the distance, I could see the gold lights of the fountain, the glow of waterfront condominium towers, and the kaleidoscope of the huge Ferris wheel out on Navy Pier.

Where was he?

Who was he, this man that my mind had conjured? Was he down in that darkness, staring up at my window?

I didn’t know what was happening to me. I wanted my old life back the way it was. I wanted Karly, naked like me, her skin pressed up against me from behind, her chin on my shoulder. If I closed my eyes, I could feel her there. I could hear her whispering to me. I would turn around, and we would kiss, and our eyes would glisten with desire, and we would tumble onto the bed and melt into each other with breathless, urgent laughter.

We’d had so many moments like that.

We would never have them again.

I drank more bourbon, but my body was still cold. When my third glass was empty, I went into the bathroom and ran a scalding-hot bath for myself. As the tub filled, I slid down into it, the hot water lapping at my skin. I let it go as high as it could, and then I sank down below the surface. I immersed my whole body, and the hot, clean water became black as night, and the slimy mud oozed over my skin, and my wife screamed for me to save her.