Incendiary (Hollow Crown #1)(64)

“I told you not to call me that.” I hate how soft my voice sounds, like dust drifting across a beam of sunlight.

“I didn’t know—”

“Let’s not speak of this. I know the way back to my cage. You may go.”

“You don’t want to be called a lady, but you certainly command like one,” he says, attempting a crooked smile. Crooked smiles for crooked hearts, Sayida liked to say. “Now, please, we must get you bathed and dressed.”

“I took a bath yesterday,” I say, the thought of wasting more water absurd. I haven’t even run in muck or broken a sweat, and blood comes off easily enough.

“Justice Méndez has given me orders. You are to report to him for supper and training.”

I feel myself sinking. It’s like I’m not in control of my body. The weariness has seeped into my bones. For the second time today, Leo catches me.

“You don’t let people take care of you, do you?” he says sweetly.

Suddenly, I am that same child in the palace, that stupid, greedy girl, ignorant of what was happening around her. I don’t want to be that girl. I don’t want to be anything. How long am I supposed to keep up the ruse of not being able to use my power? Maybe I wasn’t made for this. Maybe I should give up or give in, because all roads I take will lead to my ruin.

Leo helps me undress carefully. I don’t even feel him touch my skin, only my clothes, and he holds out a robe for me to step into. I’m too tired to object. I sit in front of the vanity while he runs the water to fill the tub. I wonder what Margo or Esteban would say if they saw this water system. In the cloisters there are only cold baths in the ponds and lakes, and the hot springs are half a day’s walk north.

I rip the flower from my hair and shove it in my robe pocket while Leo selects bottles of soaps and oils and a sponge instead of a stable brush. He empties out two of the bottles, and the tub fills with bright blue-and-yellow foam that turns the water a shimmering peacock green.

Enough of this. A stranger’s voice pops out of a memory.

I take a deep breath and push away the melancholy that is stitching itself in my skin like the thread on my hand. I step into the tub, the heat a comfort to my tired muscles.

“That went better than I expected, all things considered,” Leo says.

“Yes, splendid,” I say dryly. “For a man who conquered the entire continent, he’s a generous soul.”

Leo’s eyes widen, and I know I’ve spoken too freely. He lathers a white foam into my hair. “Don’t ever repeat that, Renata.”

I scramble to take it back. “I’m sorry, I forget myself,” I say. What is it about Leo that makes me lower my guard? Is it the loneliness that clings to me like a shroud? Did the king send him to me for this very reason?

Leo shrugs one shoulder and dabs an oil on his hands. He holds his palms up. “Have you ever had your shoulders massaged? There’s a Zaharian bathhouse in the lower district. Your body is a rock.”

I shake my head. “I doubt Justice Méndez would approve.”

“You’re right. But it is divine.” He nods and hands me a sponge. “Here.”

Most of the blood has washed away in the bath, but some dried spots remain on my clavicle. I don’t want to enjoy this. The easy friendship Leo offers, even if I can’t trust him, or the access to things I haven’t had in a long time.

I wash under my arms and my stomach as Leo busies himself putting away the glass bottles. He talks about this lord and that lady. How Lord Las Rosas was a shock to the entire court, especially because the ports are monitored by the king’s men. No one knows how he possibly could have managed it.

His voice becomes pleasant background noise.

I touch my hand to the knobs that release the water into the tub. A memory slams into me. It slips out from the Gray without warning: my father’s face. The way he worked with metals and how his hands were always covered in ash.

I push it away. It hurts too much to remember love. I choose rage. Sea-blue eyes. My heart speeds up when I think of the prince who was missing from court.

“Why wasn’t Prince—the Lord Commander—beside his father?” I ask, punctuating the question with my attempt at doe eyes. Sayida was always so much better at this.

Leo hums thoughtfully. “If you want my unsolicited advice, Lady Renata, it’s best to not wonder about the prince too often or speak his name in public.”

I gather bubbles into my injured hand to buy myself time to answer. The bubbles dissipate, collapsing into one another. “We’re in private now, aren’t we?”

Leo gives a dismissive laugh, but his eyes betray something like fear. “Within these walls, just between us, Prince Castian comes and goes at his leisure. When he’s here, he only attends court to select which lady might, well, accompany him on any given night. I suspect he does it because it infuriates the king. But the Sun Festival is soon. Even the prince won’t risk his father’s anger by not attending, especially after missing it the year past.”

I sink into the tub once more before I’m ready to come out. Leo is there waiting with the robe for me to step into.

“Careful, Miss Renata. You almost look as disappointed as the courtiers.”

I twist my face into an ugly frown. My reaction is visceral. “I am not.”