Incendiary (Hollow Crown #1)(33)

“I need a moment alone with Renata,” Illan says, never taking his eyes from mine. I scowl back at him as Sayida and Esteban scurry out, clearly grateful to be dismissed.

“I don’t understand,” I say as soon as the tent’s flap falls back down.

“What is there for you to understand?” Illan asks. “My parents watched their kingdom stolen by a wretched king. I saw the vestiges of those lands ripped apart by his son. Cut apart. We cannot surrender.”

“It’s Dez,” I choke out.

“We are in the middle of the greatest fight of our rebellion,” Illan replies. “Not fighting just for land but for our survival. I’m not here to discuss Dez. My order stands. None of our fighters go after him or I will see them permanently discharged from our ranks, is that understood?”

I want to disobey him. I want to push back. But I have nowhere else to go, so I turn my face to the side and he keeps speaking.

“What I need from you, Renata, is information about the palace.”

My mouth goes dry. I knew that my value to the Whispers was because of the memories trapped in the Gray. It’s why Illan has trained me all these years to try to unlock it, but nothing works. What value would I have now if I refused to remember a place I have not seen since I was a child?

“No. I will not try to access the Gray until you send a mission out for Dez,” I say, not caring that I’m being belligerent. “Nothing else matters.”

“Need I remind you who saved you from that place?” Illan’s voice is cold, not angry, though he has every right to be—I’ve never spoken to him like this before. It’s likely no one has.

I can’t meet his eyes, but the seeds of my anger sprout like vines, twisting around my throat until I can hardly breathe. “I never need reminding. I see it every day.”

I speak the truth, though not how Illan interprets it. He led the raid on the palace that freed me, the Whispers’ Rebellion. They failed to kill the king, but they stole their children back. Illan even gave me a safe place to call home, but he’s not the person I see. When I think of that night, when I close my eyes, all I see is a dark-haired boy, his hand reaching out from a hidden door in the palace walls, leading me through the smoky stairwell and into a safe embrace. I think of Dez.

Illan nods, satisfied. “King Fernando’s reign must come to an end before there is nowhere left for us to run. I expected your cooperation above everyone. Remember the mission, Renata.”

“End the Fajardo family’s rule. Restore the Moria temples. Reclaim our stolen lands.”

“This weapon stands in the way.”

I know the mission. But all I can hear is the echo of Dez shouting as he was dragged through the forest by our enemy. Remember.

Illan exhales hard. “Who will live on these lands? Who will visit these temples? If we do not keep the Moria safe, who are we? You know what Celeste discovered. There is nothing more important than destroying the weapon the justice has created.”

“All the more reason to go to the capital!” I shout. Frustration slices at my patience. “While we’re there we can rescue Dez. We can—”

“Dez doesn’t need to be rescued,” Illan says, impatient. He glances at the tent opening, then lowers his voice. “I tell you this so you do not let your feelings get in the way of the mission. Dez is exactly where he needs to be.”

I stare at him. A chill returns to my skin. “What?”

Illan sits beside me and lays his cane against across his lap. “When we heard rumors that the king’s justice developed a weapon able to rip out our magics, Celeste and I sent our best spy to meet with my informant.”

“Lucia?” I ask.

He nods gravely. “She sent word that they called this weapon the cure.”

Even thinking the word sours my mouth. The cure to us. The cure to our existence. “What is it?”

“That’s what we don’t know. A tonic? A trinket? Lucia would know best, rest her soul. We were going to wait until my informant could gather more information within the palace. But Rodrigue went after Lucia. And, well, you know his fate.”

“What does this have to do with Dez getting captured?” I ask.

I think of Dez and me near the riverbank. He was scared of going to the palace, but not for the reasons I thought. Because he wasn’t telling us the whole truth.

“My informant feared someone was getting close to discovering them as my spy. Without them, we have no way of knowing where the weapon is kept within the palace. We needed someone else inside. My spy made sure a patrol would find Dez. He was supposed to leave camp that morning, but the prince must have intercepted the message. Either way, he is where he needs to be.”

Dez was going to leave me in the morning. Would he have said good-bye? It’s a petty, terrible thing to wonder at the moment, but I can’t stop it. I hate that I don’t get to be angry with him because he is risking his life.

“How will Dez do that from the dungeons?” I ask.

“How would we break through the palace walls? We’ve done this before. Dez is our best chance. I gave my son the code to break free after his capture. The prince gave us three nights, I believe? When they go to execute him at dawn, Dez won’t be in his cell. He will find this so-called cure and destroy it. And that, my dear, is why there is no rescue mission necessary.”