In a Book Club Far Away(80)

“Wait a sec.” He stopped at seeing Genevieve. “Is this the little one?”

Sophie made introductions. “Yes, this is Genevieve. This is Mr. Jasper, my…”

She tripped up at how she should describe him. Husband, according to civil laws. Still simply a boyfriend according to the Army. To adults she introduced him as her partner, but to a two-year-old?

“I’m her baby daddy,” he jumped in.

“Jasper!” She nudged him playfully with an elbow.

“It’s true, isn’t it? Well, this is for you, Miss Genevieve. Happy birthday.” He bent down and handed her the gift bag.

“That’s so sweet of you Jasper,” Adelaide said. “Isn’t it, Sophie?”

Sophie, still in shock, caught up after a beat. Jasper really was here. “Yes. So sweet.”

“You’re talking to a father of two girls who expected gifts whenever I came home from out of town. I knew not to arrive empty-handed.”

“You’ve got ten minutes,” Regina said stiffly. “Before Adelaide’s appointment. Remember?”

Sophie nodded and watched the three go.

Jasper dipped his chin. “You don’t look happy to see me.”

His expression sent a twinge of regret through Sophie’s heart, and she shook her head. “I’m sorry, I’m just surprised. Shocked.” Belatedly, her body sprang awake, and she leaned in to hug him again. She felt his body soften toward hers.

“I was shocked, too, to receive your note,” he said. “But I got here as soon as I could.”

“Which note?”

“The one where you asked me to come.”

She pulled away from him. “I did what?”

He frowned. “You sent me a letter, for me to come. Then Carmela insisted that I bring you a plant. She told me you had fallen in love with cacti so I picked one up at the garden center right off of I-95.”

Carmela.

She threw her head back in laughter. “Did you send me a cactus in the mail?”

“No. Why would I do that?” Jasper read her expression. “Did she… Were we just tricked?”

“I think we were.” She sighed and gestured to the couch and sat next to him. She was surprised to find her heart trilling like a hummingbird. She was nervous. “That daughter of ours.”

“I think she’s worried about us. And I don’t blame her. I’m worried about us.” He shook his head, his fingers linked tightly together. “The sporadic texts. The avoidance. Even that kiss. It didn’t feel… I don’t know…”

A flash of what their real kisses had been like popped into Sophie’s head. They’d started with a yearning in her gut that would spill out into an insatiable need. She couldn’t get enough of him. But in the last few months, she hadn’t been able to put her finger on this sadness she felt—nor could she remember the last time she’d kissed him with the same fervor.

“Sophie, I remember a time when we used to greet each other at the door. Something was there, between us. An excitement.”

She sniffed a rebuttal, then said, “It wasn’t always so easy for me to greet you at the door, because you left more often, and for longer chunks of time. I’m not saying you didn’t make your own sacrifices, but being the one left behind was tough.”

“It wasn’t fair, I know.”

“It wasn’t about being fair—you’re getting it wrong.” She took a breath. “To be honest, I kind of enjoyed when you were gone. Not because I didn’t miss you, but because I was able to become who I wanted to be. It was only me, and my schedule, and the girls. When you were gone, I took my dreams and my goals and ran with them. Even after we left Millersville and you stayed on active duty, I was fine with it. But now, with retirement, it just feels different. I loved our life, but now I wonder how much more there is out there.”

“Oh, Sophie.” Tears sprang to his eyes.

“I love you, Jasper. With all my heart. We never needed a ring or a piece of paper. I love you, and I know you love me. But I feel restless, and with you getting the job you always wanted… God, I am so proud of you—”

“But it all doesn’t mean a thing without you.”

She offered her hand then, and he took it. She padded her finger across his knuckles, and her heart was speared with pain. This man was crying, and the only other time he had ever cried was when their twins were born. He had bawled the moment they were brought to the warmers and intermittently until they were discharged from the hospital.

The truth dawned on Sophie. She’d worried him. She’d hurt him while she was in her own head. “This crossroads took me by surprise. I didn’t know what to do with all this stuff in my head and in my chest, and when this opportunity came up, to help with Adelaide, the only thing I wanted to do was to get some space, to think.”

“And now that you have? Thought, I mean. What do you want to do?” he asked.

“I… don’t know. But I have loved being away. This week, and looking back at our life, your career especially, I realized I loved learning about new places. I really liked to travel. Now that the girls are months from college, and you’re also done with the Army, the load on my shoulders has lifted. We were so good, Jasper. Good all the way through. On the narrow road of parenting. We hovered over those girls. We gave them the best example. And now I want to be bad. I want to be spontaneous, run away sometimes. I just didn’t realize it until I got here.”