In a Book Club Far Away(61)

At first, Regina was met with silence. Then, tears. Both of her friends started bawling over their ice cream.

And then suddenly she was crying. Damn these pregnancy hormones. She pressed her napkin against her eyes. “Is that a yes?”

“That you’re stuck with us? That I get to send noisy presents forever and ever? Of course, yes!” Sophie said.

Adelaide’s tears turned into a waterfall of sobs.

“Oh my goodness, Adelaide.” Sophie turned toward the passenger seat. She reached across the first row and clasped her hand.

“It’s just.” To Sophie she said, “I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”

But Adelaide’s sobs continued. This was a woman who never had a hair out of place. Her emotions were never too extreme.

“Adelaide?” Regina asked.

Adelaide hiccuped. “It’s just that… I hear my mama in my head all the time, during the good times, but especially when things aren’t going well. I had a plan, still have a plan, about a family, and the last few months I realized that maybe, God, that I may not get it. But spending time with you both, and with Olivia and Carmela, and now I’m going to be a godmother. I just realized that it’s… it’s still heartbreaking, but it’s also okay, and also joyful. You two have helped me accept. Being with you both, with your kids, Sophie, and you growing yours, Regina, has helped me heal a little.”

Regina had all but forgotten about her ice cream, and she felt the first trickle of melted chocolate on her hand. “I don’t know what to say, Adelaide.”

“You don’t have to say a thing. This is a good cry. This is me accepting, a little of myself, and your offer. Of course I will be this child’s godmother. I will be there, one hundred percent. Even if we lose touch, this child will always have me.”

Regina scooted up in her seat and wrapped her arms around the passenger seat and somewhat around Adelaide. It was awkward and made them both laugh. “Less than a year ago, I didn’t have any friends, and now, I have you both. How lucky am I? How lucky is my baby?”

Regina heard a beep, and both sides of the automatic minivan doors slid open. Then her friends climbed out of the driver and passenger seats, and stepped into the van’s second row and hugged her from each side. She felt herself relax into their embrace. She allowed the joy of the moment into her heart and cherished that momentary feeling of perfection, that she had these friends, soon she’d have her husband home, and shortly after would be able to hold her baby.

Regina pocketed that feeling when they returned to their apartments, and as she made her welcome-home meal menu. The next day would be a grocery day, to pack her cupboards with Pop-Tarts and salt-and-vinegar chips and Coke Zero.

But her smile extinguished the moment she saw her husband’s crestfallen face on Skype later on that evening. “What’s wrong?”

“I have to tell you something.”

Her heart plummeted. Of course, of course. Didn’t she know by now? Nothing was easy; along with the good, the bad always lurked nearby. But she kept her smile, because she was jumping the gun, right? She and Logan had spoken almost every night during deployment—their relationship had reached another level. Regina’s admiration for Logan had grown; their friendship had been rejuvenated.

He rested a hand behind his head. “There are rumors, Regina. I’m sorry. It’s a whole big mess, and I swear. I swear to you, they’re all untrue.”

His plea was like a crowbar to her heart, threatening to unhinge it from her chest. “What rumors? What are you talking about?”

“They’re saying—”

“Who’s saying?”

“The commander… said that there are rumors being circulated, about me and another soldier.”

“What?” she whispered, watching his lips move, not fully understanding what he was saying. She brought her hand to her heart, then lower, to her belly.

“But none of it is true.” He started to cry then. There were tears on this man who never showed pain, never complained. He was coming unglued. “There’s nothing wrong with making friends, is there? I mean, just because we had meals together. If I spent the same amount of time with Torres or Hayworth, no one would’ve given it a second look. C’mon, it’s Chandler. She’s just a friend.”

Regina took in all of it. She had no choice but to listen, because Logan didn’t stop speaking. He explained all the times when he and this Chandler spent time together. And all Regina could think was: Why hasn’t he mentioned any of these moments?

And her prevalent thought…

“Who is she?” she asked. “What’s her first name?”

“Becka.”

“Becka as in Rebecca?” He was calling her by her nickname? “But, but if you’re just friends, why haven’t you mentioned her?”

In the back of her mind, within the deep folds of her intuition, whispers of warning trickled in. She recalled her mother and father fighting. Her father begging, always asking for forgiveness, and her mother predictably listening and accepting. There was so much shame in a marriage breaking up. It wasn’t supposed to happen in Filipino families, and her mother pretended for so long that their relationship could be fixed.

“I… I don’t know. Because it’s no big deal.”