In Harmony(44)

“Nope.”

“What about all the other school events and experiences? Football games…” She kicked her feet against the cement block. “Dances.”

I shrugged. “I’m nineteen. I’ve had enough of high school.” I glanced up at her. “I remember there’s a Spring Fling or something coming up. You going?”

Oh shit. It sounded like I was asking her. I didn’t even go to the school anymore; I couldn’t ask her. Could I?

“No, I’m not going,” she said slowly.

“There might be rehearsal that night,” I said, tossing my cigarette on the ground. “Is why I mention it.”

“True. And anyway, no one’s asked me.”

“Justin hasn’t asked you yet?” My voice was casual and I slouched as I looked out over the amphitheater. Just a guy making conversation. Oscar-caliber acting.

“What? No. Justin and I are only friends.”

“I got the impression…” I shook my head. “Never mind.”

“The impression I like him?”

I looked back at her. “That he likes you.”

“Oh,” she said, her brows coming together. “God, I hope not. He’s nice enough. I mean, he gives me a ride after rehearsal. But…”

I felt myself craning forward for the rest of her sentence, my ego gleefully throwing out suggestions.

He’s dumb as a brick.

He secretly can’t read.

He farts when he laughs.

“It feels more brotherly to me than anything else,” she finished. “I suppose because he’s playing Laertes.”

“Yeah,” I said and my ego high-fived itself.

“I’m so…not into being with someone right now,” Willow said with a nervous lilt to her words. “Not for a while, anyway.”

I heard a whisper on the breeze, or ever again. A heaviness in her eyes hinted she had lost something and had almost given up trying to find it.

She hasn’t given up, I thought, a fierce admiration welling in me. That’s why she’s doing the play. To find it again.

In that moment, I vowed to try to cut out all the egotistical bullshit and jealousy over Justin. The dance was out of range now anyway. I couldn’t ask her to go even if I wanted to. Which I didn’t. My job was to help her find what she was looking for in Hamlet, however I could. Even as it dented my eagerness to get the hell out of Harmony.

Willow shielded her eyes from the sun and squinted at me. “So what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Do you like anyone?” she asked, her voice a half tone higher than usual. She laughed. “That’s such a high school thing to ask.”

“No,” I said. “If all goes to plan, I’m leaving Harmony, remember? Stupid to start something now.”

“Sure. Makes sense.”

A silence fell.

“Yeah, so I probably won’t go to the dance,” Willow said. “I’m not good in that kind of situation anymore.”

“What kind of situation?”

She shook her head. “Never mind. I should get back.”

Willow started to scoot down off the block. I held my hand out to her to help. She hesitated for a fraction of a second and then took it. I held my other hand out and she took that too. I steadied her as she hopped down and then we were standing face to face. Close enough I could see her pale blue eyes had lighter shards of blue in them, like a topaz. Close enough to smell the sweetness of her breath—coffee tinged with sugar. Close enough to dance if we wanted.

“Thanks,” Willow said, gazing up at me.

“Sure,” I said.

I still held her hands. She didn’t let go.

“So,” she breathed, still not moving.

“Yeah.”

I glanced down at our hands. I hadn’t touched something this soft and good in ages. The sleeve of her coat bunched up and I spied a black mark on the inside of her forearm, close to her wrist. Willow drew in a breath as I turned her hand over. An X, about the size of a quarter, was stark on her pale skin.

She tugged her hands away. “I really need to get back.”

Every instinct cried out to take her hand again, to ask her what the X meant. To lick my thumb and erase it off her skin. I didn’t know what it meant but the sight of it made my stomach feel heavy.

“Willow—”

“I doodle when I’m bored. I told you that.” Her voice was sharp but her smile wobbled. “Let’s go.”

We walked the short distance back to town wordlessly. Back in front of the theater, Willow shouldered her bag and glanced around. “Thanks for today. I think Martin would be happy with our progress.”

“I do too.”

God, would he, I thought.

“So, I guess I’ll see you Monday?” she said.

“You have a ride home?”

“Oh, uh…” She still wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I was thinking of walking.”

“To Emerson Hills?” I said. “That’s a mile and a half and it’s getting dark soon.”

She raised her brows. “I’m not allowed to walk in the dark?”

“You’re allowed,” I said, “but I don’t want you to.”