In Harmony(104)

She ended it, I reminded myself. She cut you out and wouldn’t tell you why. No recourse. No second chance. No defying her father’s bullshit. She chose him.

I’d mentally replayed our final scene on Hamlet’s opening night a thousand times. No matter the hurt and anger it dredged up, the heart-breaking, agonized expression on Willow’s face never changed. That night I’d been too blinded by my own pain to see hers. But she’d been dying on the inside too. Because she loved me.

The love was there first.

“Fuck…” I rubbed my hands down my face, then sat up and hurried back to the office.

Now that I knew where she was, the need to see her again was a ravenous hunger, and the simple truth was I’d starve to death without her.

She might hate me, or worse—ignore me, but…

If nothing else, I’ll see her perform. Just that. Start there and see what happens.

I dialed up Tyler. He answered on the second ring.

“What’s up, bro? Change your mind about hanging out?”

“No, man. Listen, I’m going out of town for a few days.”

“Okay,” Tyler said slowly, warily. “When are you coming back?”

I closed my eyes and conjured Willow in the hedge maze, with the sun setting behind her hair and her eyes full of love for me.

“Best case scenario?” I said. “Never.”





Willow



Saturday seemed to rush up to me. Marty added a performance of A Doll’s House on Thursday night at the last minute to give myself, Len, and Lorraine—who played my best friend, Christine in the play—an extra night. It sold out within hours of the announcement. Friday night was packed too, and as the standing ovation washed over us, I tried to savor it and hold on. Only one performance left.

At noon, I went to The Scoop to meet Angie. My heart pounded in my chest and happiness bubbled out of me in a small burst of laughter as I locked my bike outside the restaurant. We’d been talking and texting, but between her packed schedule at Stanford and my father’s constant relocations, we hadn’t been face-to-face in three years.

I opened the diner door, and saw her sitting at a booth for two facing the door. I noticed she wore glasses now, and her curled hair was a little bit shorter, her skin a little paler from long hours of study.

Then I burst into tears.

She was a blur as she scrambled out of the booth. She threw her arms around me and I held her tight, crying against her shoulder as years of missing her overwhelmed me, so that I could hardly stand.

I pulled back long enough to wipe my eyes and get a good look at her. Her T-shirt read, I will seduce you with my awkwardness. I laughed, then collapsed in tears all over again.

We stood smack in the middle of the restaurant, holding onto each other until we heard a little girl in another booth ask, “Mommy, what’s wrong with those two ladies?”

“Did you hear that, Holloway?” Angie said, finally pulling away and wiping her eyes. “The first and last time someone will ever call me a lady.”

I laughed again but it threatened to turn into more tears. We quickly slid into the booth, grabbing for napkins, laughing and clutching hands across the table, then needing more napkins.

I shook my head staring at her. “Holy shit, Angie, I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, girl. It’s so good to see you. To really see you. You look great.”

“Thanks,” I said. “It’s been a long road just to get to presentable.”

“How are you really? How are things with your parents?” she asked, bracing for the answer.

“Weird,” I said. “My dad’s in ass-kissing mode. I think once we’d been in Canada for a few months, his eyes opened and he saw what a mess I was. He finally grasped the damage that he’d done. He expected my pain would wear off. It never did. I never outgrew my feelings for Isaac.” I shrugged, glanced down at my hands. “I’m twenty years old and I’m still in love with him.”

“Oh, honey.” Angie reached across the table and took my hand.

“Not that it matters, I suppose.”

Her dark eyes flared with anger. “Isaac had to know you were being forced to break up with him, right?”

“I think so. I never told him what my father actually threatened. It was too horrible—so obscenely wrong… I was afraid it would make Isaac stay in Harmony. Stay and fight for us and end up losing everything. His future. I couldn’t let that happen and have him resent me later.” I sighed. “I’m glad he went, I just…didn’t expect him not to reach out at some point. I guess it was too hard for him. He’d already lost so much.”

“What about what you lost?” Angie burst out. She saw me through the dark months after my father moved us out of Harmony, and I knew she’d been biting her tongue about Isaac the entire time. “So that’s it?” she asked, struggling for calm. “You forgive him? Just like that?”

“It’s not that simple,” I said. “It’s not yes or no, it’s…all tangled up. Yes, I’m hurt and angry with him. But we were both forced to do things we didn’t want to do. Now we’re coping. He’s coping the only way he knows how and so am I. Finally. I made it back here. I’m away from my parents and I can start over.”