In A Holidaze(53)

Especially since I know where to find most of these things, I don’t bother to add.

“Lead the way.” I smile up at him, but it’s forced. Everything feels forced between us. I hate it.

He turns, heading left from the van onto Main Street, and I look behind us to where Andrew and Miles are headed in the same direction, but crossing the street to give us some space. When our eyes meet, Andrew winks. It’s soothing, like water to a parched mouth, and the perfect reminder that even if we have to navigate this carefully, we get to navigate it together.

We kissed.

We had sex.

Things are really, really good.

I jog to catch up with Theo, linking my arm with his, feeling freshly buoyant.

“There she is,” he says, and grins down at me.

Before Park City became known as a popular skiing destination and home to the Sundance Film Festival, it was a mining town. Now nestled between two giant resorts, the small valley was discovered when soldiers stationed in nearby Salt Lake City set out through the mountains to find silver. When the railroad came through and word spread, it was flooded with prospectors in search of their fortunes.

Main Street still bears some resemblance to that old mining town, with old-timey storefronts and historic buildings, but instead of saloons and general stores the street is filled with trendy boutiques and restaurants, museums, and even a distillery. Park City is also money. With more tourists than residents in the area, the Hollises’ property is probably worth a fortune. No wonder they decide to sell.

Theo and I rack up a few easy photos for the hunt—a moose on a sweatshirt, a picture of a cowboy, a dreidel, a snowflake on an ornament. A photo of an object with the words Ho, Ho, Ho. We stop a couple on their way down the street and ask if they’d be willing to sing “Jingle Bells” for us. It takes a moment of awkward convincing, but thankfully they are game because I’ve already spotted Andrew and Miles getting video of at least four different people out on the street, and ahead of us, Ricky and Kennedy seem to be flying through their list. The benefit of having an adorable and precocious five-year-old as your partner.

It’s not even that I care about winning, but this activity is doing an amazing job of taking my mind off the increasingly shrill voice in my head telling me that everything is on the verge of falling apart.

I can’t quite put my finger on why that feeling is rising, but it is; that twinge of panic is growing. Yes, everything is different and for the better. But I’ve never trusted my own decisions, and when you get everything you’ve ever wanted, you don’t know exactly how to manage it. I wanted Andrew, but it isn’t as simple as kissing him and being happy. If there were only some indication, some wink from the stars that I’ve got it all sorted, I could maybe breathe. Right now, I just want to get through December 26—past the point where I’ve ever been before—before I can relax and know that everything is settled. That I’m here to stay.

With a few items checked off our list, Theo stops in front of one of the small shops. “I need to grab a couple of things for my parents.” I follow his attention to a window display filled with fancy cooking gadgets, spice mixes, and kitchen knickknacks.

Honestly, a kitchenware store seems like the last place he should be shopping for Lisa, but just down the block, I see Andrew duck inside a storefront. Without Miles—who’s probably doing some of his own late shopping. My heart grows three times in size. “I’ll just be down there.” I point. “I have some shopping to do, too. Meet me there in twenty?”

If Theo saw his brother go in, he doesn’t let any reaction show. With a little lift of his chin, he urges me to go, and it’s all I can do not to sprint to Andrew.

? ? ?

The window is lit up with an old feather Christmas tree and an assortment of antique toys. I step inside to a blast of warm air and holiday music, and make my way through aisles of retro electronics and worn furniture, stacks of old records and used kitchenware, searching for Andrew.

I find him in the back of the shop, turning an old record over in his hands to read the song list on the back.

“Hey, you.”

He turns, and when he grins, the world around us briefly glimmers golden.

“Hey.” Glancing around us first, he leans in and gives me a quick kiss. “How’s it going with Theo?”

“It’s fine,” I say, picking up a record out of the box he’s perusing. “A little tense. Not sure why.”

“Probably because you’re sleeping with his brother and he has no idea.”

I glow inside at the casual mention that we’re sleeping together, but guilt shadows the edges. “I feel like I’m lying to him.” And then I remember: “Oh. And Miles knows.”

“Knows we . . . ?” Andrew looks mildly horrified and makes a vague sexual gesture.

Laughing, I say, “I don’t think he knows more than that we were kissing in the pantry.” Off Andrew’s look, I add, “Oh, come on. He’s seventeen, not seven. And he asked me point blank.”

Andrew gives a regretful wince. “Poor Miles.”

“He promised he wouldn’t say anything, but I feel like it’s just a matter of time before everyone figures it out.”

“Especially when I come visit you in Berkeley in a week because I can’t stay away from you.”

I beam up at him. “You what?”