I'd Give Anything(36)

He’d better be.





November 13, 1997

Gray came out in Mr. Whittier’s history class today. I wasn’t there, but Kirsten said he was magnificent. She also said he gave her a minor heart attack.

“I could’ve used a heads-up,” she said.

“Yeah, I could’ve, too, actually,” said Gray.

We were talking in the third level of Hell, otherwise known as the old basement furnace room, right after school, just before Gray’s football practice was about to start. The other fall sports were over, but our football team, led by the great Gray Marsden, was in the semifinals of the state tournament.

CJ had put his headlamp hat down on the cement floor, and we were gathered around it like it was a bonfire.

“So it just popped out?” I said. I thought it must have, since, despite his celebrity, Gray shied away from attention most of the time, and I would have sworn he wasn’t the dramatic pronouncement, bombshell-dropping type.

“Not exactly,” said Gray. “We were talking about the civil rights movement, and Whittier asked whether it was actually over or still going on today. And Kirsten said it wasn’t over because there’s still racism and sexism, and plus, now, other groups are fighting for their rights, like gay people.”

CJ had been oddly silent since we’d all met in the back hallway before heading down to the basement, but now he said, “You said that? Why would you say that?”

We all stared at him, surprised by his brittle tone.

“Uh, because it’s true?” said Kirsten.

“I just mean, why would you bring that up when it’s, like, Gray’s thing?” said CJ.

“Are we not supposed to bring up homosexuality ever, now? It was relevant, CJ. I was in class,” said Kirsten, annoyed.

“But to open the door that way, when maybe Gray wasn’t ready to talk about it yet,” said CJ.

Kirsten started to retort, but Gray interrupted, saying, “Okay, but it turns out I was. Because it didn’t just pop out. I decided to say it. I just didn’t give myself much notice about that decision.”

Kirsten said, “After I said gay people are fighting for rights, stupid caveman Mongo Pilkington jumped in and said, ‘That’s different, though. Because black people don’t choose to be black. Gay people choose to be gay.’ And I said, ‘Montgomery—because you know how he hates to be called his real name—”

It’s true. What kind of person electively goes by Mongo, when he has choices like Monty? The Mongo kind of person. Total bonehead.

Kirsten went on. “I said, ‘Mongo, don’t be an idiot. If you are not in fact gay, did you choose to be straight? Or is that just who you are?’” said Kirsten. “And Whittier said, ‘No name-calling, please,’ but in this manner that suggested he agreed with what I was saying, because Whittier is awesome. And Mongo said, ‘Dude, I have a girlfriend. But anyway that’s obviously different.’” And I said, ‘No, it’s not. Gay people are born gay.’ And he said, ‘You’re wrong.’ And then, Gray said, ‘She’s right.’ And everyone turned to look at him.”

We all looked at him now. Gray said, “Mongo asked how I could possibly know that, and I said, ‘Because I’m gay,’ and the room went dead silent, and then Mongo said, ‘You’re shitting me,’ and I said, ‘Nope,’ and then class was over.”

I wondered if Mongo had added, “Dude, you have a girlfriend,” and Kirsten and Gray were just politely leaving it out, but I didn’t ask.

Kirsten had jumped up and was across that history classroom in a flash, giving Gray an enormous Kirsten hug. No one else spoke to him, but Kirsten said a few kids slid supportive glances his way.

“Typical,” I said. “Gray being brave. Good for you.”

Gray smiled at me.

“Okay,” said CJ. “But we have less than a year of high school left, and you just opened yourself up to a world of crap from guys like Mongo. I mean, maybe there aren’t that many of them at Lucretia Mott, but they are loud and dumb. And mean. You might not know that because they’ve always left you alone because you’re Gray Marsden. But they can be real assholes. Wouldn’t it have been better, for everyone’s sake, to wait?”

Kirsten and I exchanged a look. Everyone’s sake. CJ adored Gray; he was genuinely concerned about him. But I knew that CJ was also thinking something along the lines of: If Gray Marsden, Hero, stops being Gray Marsden, Hero, then CJ can’t be his nerdy sidekick anymore.

Gray said, in a serious voice, “I know the guys you’re talking about. Most of them play football. I should probably be worried about what I’m in for. But the weird thing is that I’m not. I’ve been carrying around this load of worry for a long time, but right now, it’s gone.”

“Good,” I said.

CJ sat thinking and, after a minute, said, “I’m going to be forced to kick major ass now. You know that, right?”

Gray smiled and said, “Yeah, I do know.”

“Same,” I said.

“Me, too,” said Kirsten.

“Know this, Gray Marsden: we will smite anyone who comes after you,” said CJ, pounding his heart with a fist. “We will rain fire down upon them.”