House of Royale (Secret Keepers #4)(35)

“Come on,” Xander said, after we’d finished session five—both of us crashed out on the bed, covered in sweat, breathing heavy. “I think it’s time for us to clean up.”

I groaned, trying to lift my hand up to cover my eyes, but not having the strength to move it. “Too tired,” I mumbled at him. “Dead.”

He laughed, this low intoxicating rumble, and my insides tightened. Holy shit. It was like my body had been trained. In half a damn day. Trained to respond to his husky voice.

Before I could hurt myself with all that thinking, I was lifted up and thrown over his shoulder. Gently. But my breath still whooshed out because I wasn’t ready for it.

Xander slapped a hand on my ass, holding me in place as he walked toward the bathroom. “You need water,” he said, moving with graceful strides.

From my current position, I was staring at his perfect ass. Firm, with the long lines of his thighs flashing beneath as he walked. Jesus. Maybe I’d just stay here for a few hours.

His hand on my butt started to move slowly up and down. I groaned. “No more. We don’t have any more condoms. So … control yourself.”

He laughed again. “Easier said than done when you’re naked across me like this.”

I huffed. “You threw me across you, and … just shut up.”

His entire body shook as his laughter rocked through us. I realized that up until this point I’d barely heard him even chuckle. He had been so closed off when I first saw him … so angry. I wondered if his attitude problem back then had been about me, an expression of his annoyance at being “forced” into a relationship by the fates, or if there was more going on in his life, more that weighed on his mind.

I wanted to ask him. I was a naturally curious person, but something told me that question might destroy the very fragile peace we were currently experiencing together. I was not ready to go back to Asshole Xander yet.

Xander paused, then there was a light jolt as he stepped down. I couldn’t see anything, but warm water washed over my legs. My body went even more blissed out as warmth surrounded me.

“Arghhh, sofreakinggood,” I mumbled, when he lowered us. My words cut off as our heads went under the water.

The bath had to be massive, because as he released me I could spread myself out and still not touch the sides. It was also at least six feet deep from what I could see below.

As I floated on the top, facedown, Xander’s face came into clear view underneath. He was lying back on the bottom of the bath. I let my eyes rove down the length of him, greedily drinking in every naked inch. He pursed his lips, and I knew what was coming now. The exprendo channel. The bubble crashed into my face.

“You need to stop looking at me like that,” he growled, the moment the water drained from around my face. “Otherwise, we’re going to play the pull-out game.”

I snort-laughed, because he was so damn confident. “I don’t play games when it comes to diseases and babies,” I shot back at him.

I moved closer to him and the bubble around my head popped. As I brushed against him, he reached out and pulled me down, blowing another bubble out at the same time.

“I would never put you at risk” was the first thing he said. “There are no diseases you need to worry about from me.”

“What about pregnancy?” I asked, trying not to think about what else he’d said. “Never put you at risk” was a very caring sort of statement.

He moved under me and I groaned, my legs winding around his waist. “Pregnancy … still a possibility. A very small possibility because we don’t know if we’re that compatible. In truth, Royales do not view offspring the same way as a lot of other houses, but overlord children are different. Because of the royal bloodline, they stay with their family. I would not object to having a child with you, if you’d like to share that responsibility with me.”

I froze then, trying to see his expression through the bubbles. That was the only thing I disliked about the exprendo channels—they distorted my underwater vision.

“I was created by two parents who didn’t really love me,” I said slowly. “Or each other, from what I could tell. If I ever have a child, I want it to be with someone I plan to love for the rest of my life. And considering my life now looks like it might be indefinite, that would be a rare find indeed.”

I hadn’t, until this moment, stopped to think about the real consequences of living forever. I could love a human. But even if I found someone I could trust with this secret, I’d only be able to love them for a short speck of my life before they grew old and died. I wasn’t sure my heart could handle that.

“What are you thinking?” Xander asked, sounding somber.

“I’m not a Daelighter,” I whispered, “but I’m also not human. I don’t fit in anywhere. I’ve been alone most of my life … and I can’t see how that is going to change for the rest of eternity.”

He was silent for a beat. I liked that he didn’t just rush in to offer me false platitudes. My situation was unique—well, not completely unique. All secret keepers were in the same position. It was okay for Emma, Maya, and Callie, though. They had their soulmates who would live forever as well.

But not for me.

In my panic, words tumbled out of my mouth. “I want a family. I want that sort of bond and life. In this regard, I’m much more human than Royale, because you said Royales don’t do that. I can’t be with a human because I can’t watch someone I love age and die.” One more thing occurred to me. “I suppose … I suppose I could try to find a partner in one of the other Houses.”