Honor Among Thieves (The Honors #1)(57)

This time, I didn’t attempt to talk to him about it, which probably made him wonder what was up. When we returned, I was meticulous about putting the samples away and replacing my gear, once I’d cleaned it properly. Then I went to my quarters for a shower. I was hungry too, but this conversation would go better if we had it in private.

It was possible that was the longest I’d gone in a while without talking to Nadim, because he was the one who spoke first when I rapped on the wall. “Zara . . .”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Maybe I was being petty, but it wouldn’t hurt him to say it.

“Lying to you. I said I never would, and I’m sorry. It caught me off guard.”

“Then are you ready to level with me? About what I saw down there.”

When he didn’t reply, I tried to imagine that my brain had an off switch and flipped it. I locked him out, tighter than I’d ever done before. Then I closed my eyes. I see nothing. Hear nothing. Feel nothing. I’m not even here. I don’t even exist.

To my surprise, severing that hard link with Nadim rocked me with feedback, so that my head burned with white noise . . . no, dark noise. If silence was a pit that you could fall into, I had one growing in my skull like a black hole.

“Zara! Stop. Please stop!” He sounded frantic.

When I got my head right again, I discovered that I’d bitten my lip hard enough to bleed. “Nadim . . .” I didn’t even know what to say.

“Don’t do that,” he said softly.

“I won’t. But you have to tell me what was down there! I’m not gullible. I know something—someone—was with us on that planet.”

With a faint sigh, he surrendered. “Most likely, it was a pilgrim. They are not supposed to be there during the Tour. I’m not sure what happened, why our paths crossed. But if you had injured one, the consequences would have been—”

“Bad?” I supplied.

“Unthinkable!”

“So what’s a pilgrim, then, when it’s at home?”

“Zara—”

“It’s not from Earth, that’s for damn sure.”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Then let me say it. These pilgrims . . . they’re not human. That’s obvious. Except for the Tour, there are no humans out here.”

The air was thick with his struggle to be honest with me, and at the same time, to play by the rules he’d been given. I didn’t really expect to win that battle; I’d just gotten here, and Nadim, I knew, had been earnestly following his orders his whole life.

So I was taken aback when he suddenly said, “Yes.”

It caught me cold, and I sat down, very fast. “Uh . . . wait. So there are other aliens out here. Living aliens.”

“You’re on board one, Zara.”

“I mean, other than Leviathan!”

“Of course. I told you that we’ve come in contact with other civilizations—”

“Dead ones!”

“I omitted certain information for the good of your species.” That sounded arrogant. And rehearsed. “Humanity is not ready to interact with other civilizations we have encountered in our travels.”

“Why not?”

Nadim sounded a little impatient with me now. “Zara. You know why. Billions of your people lived in pain and terror. You had eradicated most native species on your own world, and unlike some of the species we encounter, you brought ruin on yourselves.”

“So we’re not fit to meet the neighbors, is that it?” I bristled all over. If I could have grown spikes, I would have. “Punks and criminals, our whole planet?”

“I never said that. But as a species, humans have been thoughtless. Our participation was meant to teach you how to manage your needs more effectively. And the Honors, the Tour . . . that was originally meant to acclimate Earth to the idea that it was one of many civilizations. We thought . . . we thought that we would begin slowly.”

“What happened?”

“There was a death,” he said. “And the other species . . . no longer wanted to interact with humanity. It is regrettable.”

Someone had been quick on the trigger of a weapon. No wonder he’d been so terrified I’d shoot wildly down on Firstworld. “Was—was the human who did that one of your Honors?”

“No,” he said. “That was before I began the Tour. But it doesn’t matter. We all feel a burden for what occurred. We’re hopeful that, as Earth becomes more peaceful, you might be able to try again to become part of the larger universe. Until then . . .”

“Until then, we paddle around in the little puddle you let us have and pretend it’s ocean.”

“Zara, it’s for your safety. . . . What is that?”

“What?”

“Are you happy?”

I was. Not for any reason I could explain at first, until I let myself really feel it. Then I laughed. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am.”

“Why? I thought you would be angry!”

“I should be,” I said. “I mean, really. You think of us as a bunch of violent, angry fools. But honestly? I’m just kind of excited that little green men exist.”

“They’re not—”