Homesick for Another World(12)

“Do you have cash?” I yelled at my uncle from inside the car as he wobbled out of the house.

“You call this mowing the lawn?” he cried, waving his cane at the grass.

“Did you bring cash?” I needed to know. “Did you?”

“Yes,” said my uncle, zipping up his Windbreaker and patting down where the colostomy bag fit. He knocked on the car window with the top of his cane.

“Let me see the money,” I said.

He pulled out his wallet and fanned the twenty-dollar bills.

I unlocked his door.

? ? ?

When we got to the foot of the mountain, my uncle shook his head. “I don’t like it here,” he said. “Too much sunshine. Where are we, anyway? What kind of a place is this?”

“Malibu,” I said.

The parking lot was nearly empty, and there were picnic tables and a carved wooden sign and a trail that led into a valley of small trees. My uncle craned his neck and squinted out the window up at the top of the mountain.

“There must be animals up there,” he said. “Mountain lions, coyotes. Look at all those birds!” He looked around nervously, fumbling his hands in his lap. “And there’s dirt everywhere.”

“You have a point,” I said, rolling my eyes.

He crossed his arms and shook his head again. “I don’t want animals pissing all over my ashes.”

“I’ll spray poison on your ashes, if you want,” I said. “I promise.”

“You go up there and check it out,” he said. “I’m too old. I’m tired. I’ll stay in the car. If you can find a place in the shade, with no animals, I guess we’ve got a deal.”

And so I got out and started walking. But I wasn’t about to walk the whole way up the mountain. I found a flat patch of grass between the trees and did some sit-ups and lunges and lay back down, and I thought of Terri. I pictured her posing nude in the desert—quiet, still, her long slippery black hair spilling across her perfect breasts. When I kissed her, her mouth was like strawberry ice cream. “You’re so handsome,” she’d say to me. “You’re so fit.” Life was wonderful, I thought, walking toward a rock jutting out from the hillside. I could see the ocean and the hills and the highway. It seemed like a fine spot to spend all of eternity. The place was full of chipmunks.

“Pretty good,” I told my uncle when I got back to the car. “Pay up.”

When I looked at his face, it was gray and drawn. “I was just thinking,” he began. His voice was choked and high, and I could hear the phlegm in his throat clicking. “How many more times will I see you? A few dozen?” He seemed to be having trouble breathing. I slapped his back.

“Are you having a heart attack?” I asked him. “Do you need an ambulance?”

“Take me home,” he said squeakily. He took out his wallet and handed me the cash.

? ? ?

On the drive to Lone Pine to meet Terri that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about my uncle. When I’d dropped him off at his house, he hadn’t invited me in or asked about my date or said anything at all. He’d just gotten out of the car and stood on the sidewalk, leaning on his cane and staring at the lawn. It was true that I hadn’t mowed it properly. There were long, triangular patches that I’d missed, and I’d left the lawn mower sitting out by the driveway instead of wheeling it back to the garage. But what did he expect for twenty dollars? How could he be upset with me after everything I’d done for him?

? ? ?

“You made it,” said Terri, standing out on the porch.

The place was a cheap ranch-style house with an old gray dog sleeping in the yard. It was evening. Birds circled around. I had a headache.

“I made us dinner,” Terri said. She was short and big hipped and seemed shy standing there in jeans and a blouse with frills around the throat. I walked up the porch steps and took a good look. She had blue eye shadow on and a necklace with long red stones dangling on it. Her chest was large but looked like it would just sag and splay all over the place if it wasn’t hoisted up into a bra. I tried to imagine what those art students ever saw in her. I looked around her face. It was round and brown and had a scar running down from her left eye. I had a not-so-good feeling. Her hair was thick and pulled back in a ponytail. Her nose was squat and wide and had little pimples around the nostrils. I tried not to stare at them. “Are you hungry?” she asked, smiling. She had yellow, nubby teeth. I tried to see past her teeth into the inside of her mouth. “I’ve got cookies, too,” she said. She pointed into the house through the screen door.

I didn’t know what to say to her. The house smelled like garlic and laundry. She led me through the living room, where the sofa was covered in plastic and the furniture was white and gold and tacky. She pulled a chair out from the kitchen table and turned off the small black-and-white TV on the counter. I guessed she sat in front of it and ate cookies all day. I thought maybe she’d be okay looking if I put her on a diet, bought her some workout DVDs, got her teeth fixed. She was not the girl I’d been picturing, but there was something sweet about her.

“Do you have a family?” she asked me, setting down a plate of Nutter Butters. I put one in my mouth and nodded. “Brothers and sisters?” Terri asked. I shook my head. She got up and poured me a glass of water from the tap. The glass was from Disneyland.