Home Fire(53)

It’s a cause of profound concern that the children of jihadis, many of them British-born, are not closely watched by the state. How many more Parvaiz Pashas will it take for things to change?





xiv.


He’d returned from the Pakistan High Commission that day to say he didn’t have to pay the exorbitant visa fees for British nationals or go through bureaucratic processes in order to work in Karachi because turns out he had something called a NICOP.

“Oh yes,” Isma said, “I got them for all of us when I was planning that trip to Pakistan which never happened, remember?”

Up to the attic Parvaiz went, and down he came triumphant. One for you and one for me, he said, handing Aneeka the laminated card with NATIONAL IDENTITY CARD FOR OVERSEAS PAKISTANI printed on it. She glanced at the picture, remembered then how sullenly she had accompanied her sister to the High Commission to have the card issued, hating the idea of missing a summer in London, to spend it in a country teeming with relatives who thought blood ties gave them the right to interrogate and lecture and point to the sisters’ hijabs as proof that British Pakistanis were “caught in the past” then point to their jeans to prove they were “mixed up.” It didn’t improve her mood to see that the card insisted on listing NAME OF FATHER. In the end, though, something in the phone conversations with the rich relatives who had promised to fund the trip had gotten Isma’s back up, and the cards were dispatched to the filing cabinet in the attic along with birth certificates and NHS cards and X-rays of broken bones.

“What is an Overseas Pakistani, exactly?” she asked.

Parvaiz shrugged. “Think it just means your family’s from there so you’re exempt from visas. Anyway, that’s the only part that’s relevant to me.”

“To us,” she said. “I’ll need it when I come to visit you. Put it in my purse, would you? I don’t want to have to go up to the spidery attic to find it when you’re gone.” She had no memory of his expression as he did as she asked.

Now the laminated card with her sullen fourteen-year-old self sat on the desk at the High Commission while the man with the plastic comb in his pocket looked sadly down on it.

“You should do what your older sister says, and stay away,” he said. “Ladies don’t go for the burial anyway, so you would only be praying at home, which you can do just as well in London as in Karachi—Allah would hear even a prayer whispered by a mute from the bottom of the world’s deepest ocean.”

“Am I or am I not entitled to a Pakistani passport?”

“Yes.”

“I have a bank draft for the urgent-processing fee. Please tell me who I should give it to.”





xv.


HO-JABI! PERVY PASHA’S TWIN SISTER ENGINEERED SEX TRYSTS WITH HOME SECRETARY’S SON

Aneeka “Knickers” Pasha, the 19-year-old twin sister of Muslim fanatic Parvaiz “Pervy” Pasha has been revealed as her brother’s accomplice. She hunted down the Home Secretary’s son, Eamonn, 24, and used sex to try and brainwash him into convincing his father to allow her terrorist brother back into England.

“Knickers” kept her true identity hidden from her lover until hours before her twin brother was fortunately killed while trying to enter the British consulate in Istanbul. Eamonn Lone quickly informed the Home Secretary that the woman he had allowed into his bed wanted him to use his influence with his father to bring her evil brother back into Britain. Karamat Lone immediately contacted the security services, but before any actions could be taken Pervy Pasha was killed.

The brave Home Secretary, who has taken a strong stand against extremists at risk to his own life, had kept quiet while a police investigation was taking place. This morning his office issued a short statement revealing the sordid affair and promised “full transparency.” Although the terrorist’s Twisted Sister cannot be proved to have broken any laws, she has been told to keep her distance from the Home Secretary’s son, who is understood to be staying with friends in Norfolk. “She was barking up the wrong tree. The Home Secretary would never compromise this nation’s security for any reason,” say sources close to the Lone family.


INSIDE: DAUGHTER AND SISTER OF MUSLIM TERRORISTS, WITH HISTORY OF SECRET SEX LIFE—THE EXCLUSIVE STORY OF “KNICKERS” PASHA





xvi.


He looked like a taunt tasted like a world apart felt like barriers dissolving He looked like opportunity tasted like hope felt like love He looked like a miracle tasted like a miracle felt like a miracle A real

actual

straight from God prostrate yourself in prayer as you hadn’t done since your brother left miracle.





xvii.


Packed a suitcase, wheeled it outside, the first time leaving the house in days, cameras, microphones, police holding them back. Isma rushing out from Aunty Naseem’s house across the road “where are you going.” Isma not someone she ever had to answer to again.

Kept walking, police flanking her “miss please go back inside” stepped into the waiting car, Dame Edna this time aka Abdul who had become chief protector, ally, jumping garden walls to enter her house unseen by the press outside. Abdul, who had taken her token and picked up the passport, booked her ticket, paid for it so that Isma wouldn’t receive an alert from the credit card company.