Heartless(98)

“You don’t,” he said, propping himself up on his elbows. “Don’t give your heart to me, Catherine. I don’t deserve it. But…” His voice turned strained. “Don’t give it to the King, either. He may deserve it even less.”

“Does he?” she barked. “At least he has been nothing but honest with me.”

“That’s true. But I’m sure he doesn’t feel as strongly as I do.”

She held his gaze and let her breath out slowly, slowly, her crossed arms a shield between them. Finally she sat down again, draping her skirt over her crisscrossed legs. “You have nothing to fear, then. I am not going to marry the King. I am going to open a bakery.”

Jest sat up and folded his long legs, facing her. “A bakery?”

“That’s right. Mary Ann and I have been planning it for years, and we’re close now to making our dream a reality.” It was only a partial lie. Though her attempts had failed so far—no contest prize, no dowry money, no loan from Hatta—she now felt more certain than ever that she had to find a way. She would not allow fate to trick her out of this dream. “So you see, you’ve been wasting all your efforts on me. I suppose you will have to wait and see what other girl the King chooses, and set about charming her instead.” She didn’t bother to bury the sour note in her words. Jest flinched and she was surprised at how much the small motion pleased her.

“A bakery,” he said again. “And your parents approve of this?”

“Of course not. But I’m not going to let that stop me. It’s my life, after all.”

“But … you would no longer be gentry. You would have to give up everything.”

She glowered. “Don’t imagine you can tell me anything I don’t already know. I have given this much more consideration than you have.”

His gaze turned intense, peering into her as if he expected to find a weakness in her plan. She seemed to have rendered him speechless.

When the silence had dragged on for so long Cath found herself in danger of telling him everything—the fight with her parents, the deal she’d struck with the Duke, even how she’d gone to Hatta for help, which, now, knowing his ulterior motives, seemed painfully na?ve—Catherine instead straightened her spine and forced herself to say, “I would ask you to take me home then. As you said, everyone will be worried, and I’m sure you must have much to do. Finding another heart to steal, stopping a war, and all of that.”

She still did not move.

He didn’t either.

Instead, Jest said, “Once you have your bakery”—as if long minutes hadn’t dragged on since she’d made this confession to him—“and you’re no longer in danger of … of me. Would there be any way…”

Her pulse began to flutter, but she tried to keep her expression blank. She waited, not daring to hope. Not even sure that she should hope.

Jest licked his lips. “I understand if you’ll hate me forever, but if there were any way you could trust me again. No more lies, no more tricks…” His knuckles whitened, his fingertips pressing into his knees. Cath found herself staring at those hands. The lithe fingers, tight with tension, showing more than his face would allow, telling her more than his words.

She was hoping, still hoping, no matter if she should or not.

She cocked her head to the side, and though she wanted to be flippant, she couldn’t. “Are you suggesting you would still want to court me, Sir Joker? A lowly baker, with no hope of being the queen?”

“More than anything in this world, Lady Pinkerton.”

Her traitorous heart stuttered. “What of your mission?”

“If there is no queen, there is no mission.”

“And if the King should marry someone else?”

“Another girl with a heart like yours? She doesn’t exist, not here in Hearts. I’m sure of it.”

Her brow knit together. “What of the White Queen? What of the war?”

Jest shrugged helplessly. “We could do nothing before and we can do nothing now.” His shoulders sank. “Cath, there is nothing for me there. A never-ending war. Almost certain death. I’m not sure if I meant it before, but I mean it now. If I had a reason to stay in Hearts, I would. Hatta and Raven will probably hate me forever, or maybe they’ll stay too, I don’t know. But I would stay. For you. If you want me. If—”

“I want you.”

Jest fell silent, his lips half formed around some new declaration.

Her breaths quickened. Her body hummed with nervous energy, renewed uncertainty, but there was no taking the words back, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

“You have my heart, Jest. I don’t know if you deserve it or not. I can’t tell if you’re a hero or a villain, but it doesn’t seem to matter. Either way, my heart is yours.”

He stared at her, his eyes wide, burning, stunned. Her heart continued to pound. Her words hung in the space between them.

Finally, Jest whispered, “Now that you’ve said that, you must promise me you will reject the King.”

“I promise,” she said, without hesitation.

Relief washed over him, then he was on his knees, reaching for her hands. She gave them willingly, and his lips were on her fingertips, brushing over each one. “Catherine,” he said, breathing her name into her palms. “Dear Catherine. I have wanted to kiss you from the moment you awoke in that rose garden.”