Heads of the Colored People(33)

“See, Mom,” Raina said, showing Carmen this email.

Her mother adjusted her freshly straightened hair—it was always freshly straightened, because Carmen didn’t allow it to become unfresh, kinky, even wilted. “We both know that’s not what most of the people are using the videos for. It would be different if you weren’t whispering and trying to make your voice like that”—Carmen emphasized the last word—“or if your whole head were in the video.”

Raina tuned out the rest of the lecture, which involved one iteration or another of the same: Why don’t you reconsider plus-size modeling if you want to be in videos and make money? You could try my agency again. Or at least go back to doing hair-and-makeup tutorials so people can see how pretty your face is, instead of them just watching your chest jiggle while you talk. You said yourself you don’t feel safe with those perverts and racist folks on there.

“Safe” was the word that Raina actually heard each time the lecture ended. It bothered her that her mother felt more concern over anonymous perverts or racists typing lewd comments from remote places than she felt for the bully down the block, the one at school. Raina did not feel safe, not with Kevin still tracking her online, not when he lingered near the school lockers. She had never felt completely safe at Dorsey, not since fifth grade, when Kylie S. had said that first through fourth grade, sleepovers, and years of after-school ice-skating lessons didn’t matter anymore. She could no longer hang out with the only black girl, because her dad said it was “kind of like the fox and the hound and how they had to go their own ways eventually.” Even with her handful of friends, Raina felt exposed at Dorsey, hypervisible, the girl with the big chest, the hefty girl, the black girl, the hefty black girl with the big chest. Kevin didn’t help matters, always singling her out.

? ? ?

At a quarter to five, she put on her headset with the 3-D microphone and called Dom.

“Hey, sorry, I was finishing something up,” his torso said.

“Hey,” Raina said, too loudly before correcting herself. “Hey,” she half whispered, half spoke. Dom preferred her onscreen persona—no head—and she tolerated his requests for faceless chatting, though she occasionally got a glimpse of his neck or the faint dark scruff on his pale, almost translucent, chin. “What did you think?”

“Hmm, it was good,” Dom said after a hesitation. “The story part was. Rapunzel was a nice choice, but if you’re gonna do something like that, I think you should show more of your hair next time.”

Raina was trying to transition her hair from relaxed to natural, though she kept it flat-ironed in most of her videos. She tried scrunching the burned-straight ends to blend them with the three to four inches of ingrowing coils and kinks at her hairline. But that made her hair only chin length instead of shoulder length, and Dom speculated that her views decreased when her hair was not in the frame or the thumbnail preview for the video.

They had met—really, started chatting, first through text and then on camera—after he commented on a few of her videos. She only had fifty-seven subscribers then, but with Dom’s suggestions, little things, like telling stories on camera or changing the video tags, she had grown her brand to over twenty thousand subscribers in a little over five months, even making some advertising revenue.

“Okay, more hair,” Raina whispered. “Anything else?”

“Meh, I like the whole fairy-tale theme. I think more videos like that, especially if you dressed up.”

“Like a corset?”

“Yeah, something like that.” She thought she heard Dom chewing something.

“I’ll think about it,” Raina said, her mind already working out the details of her mother’s reproof. Costumes were especially offensive to Carmen and more evidence of impropriety or kink, not simply roleplaying or fantasy. In her regular voice, Raina said, “Dom, have you thought about what I said, about the next level?”

Dom shifted in his chair, his white hands fluttering toward the top of the screen and out of the frame, probably running through his hair. He was definitely chewing. “I just think it might change things, like, too much,” he said, after a long pause. “I like things the way they are now.”

“I do, too,” Raina said, slowly, back in her gentle-whisper voice, “but if you’re really my boyfriend, it would make more sense to actually see each other, or at least more of each other.”

“I’ll think about it,” he said. “My dad’s texting me, gotta go. I’ll call or something tonight.” Raina didn’t hear his phone buzzing, but she said bye.

? ? ?

Knowing her mother would not be home for another two hours at least, Raina checked the comments.

Earthworm366: Dude, you seriously just gave me a brain orgasm. Didn’t now that was possible

168 thumbs up

AnimeAniME: Comment hidden due to low rating. Show Comment:

U gave me an actual orgasm

147 thumbs down

RhiRhi#1Fan: RIANWHISPER YOU NEED TO GET ON HERE AND AND MAKE SOME MORE VIDEOS SO I CAN SLEEP. U HAVE THE BEST TRIGGERS!! ALL TINGLES ALL THE TIME

37 thumbs up

NiceGirlFinishFirstorSecond: love this. one request: can you make a roleplaying vid about rolling cigars???

12 thumbs up

Lalalalalaland: Why is it that this video is most popular with men and boys ages 18–64? SMH. Just saying.