Have You Seen Me?(37)

“Got anything for me?” she asks, eyeing my tote bag. I’ve worked with Casey for two years now and she’s not only fun and considerate, but a pro in every respect.

“No, I’m going to stick to the plan I sent you last night. Our guest is on her way?”

“Yeah, but she texted to say she’s running ten minutes late. So much for taking your own advice, right? In her books she warns people to never be late for a meeting.”

“Ha. For the powerful, rules are meant to be broken.”

Both she and Rex seem totally normal, making me think that neither has witnessed any bizarre behavior on my part. And yet everything in the room seems slightly out of frame to me. I feel like if I reached out to touch Casey or Rex, my hand would miss by an inch or two.

Is it simply because I’m still a little wobbly from last week? Or is this out-of-frame sensation an alert about my mental state, one I should be heeding? Were there warning signs before the first dissociative state that I didn’t know how to interpret? Please, I silently beg, don’t let this be happening again. Maybe Hugh was right when he urged me to postpone the recording a week.

I’m also a little jittery, I realize, about my meeting with Damien. It’s only a few hours away.

I inhale slowly, hold, then release. I can do this, I tell myself.

“Want me to grab you a coffee?” Casey asks, as if sensing my unease.

“Actually, I’ll get it,” I say, dumping my jacket and bag on the saggy couch. “But walk me to the elevator, will you, Casey?”

Outside in the hall, I thank her again for allowing Sasha to take over the last spot of the show.

“Not a problem,” she says. She rakes a hand across the crown of her long, strawberry-blond hair. “I know it’s all about keeping the sponsor happy.”

In the café on the ground floor of the building, I order chamomile tea at the counter and carry it to a small table, where I sip it slowly and take a few more deep breaths. I feel more present suddenly. Maybe the disconnected sensation was simply jitters from the extra cup of coffee I drank at the diner.

By the time I’m back upstairs, my guest, the former Wall Streeter/book author Jamie Parkin, is in the outer part of the studio, chatting with Casey and Sasha. I discover she’s fairly aloof in person, not what I was expecting based on the engaging shot on her book cover. Damn, I think. I’ll need to charm her, make her seem more accessible, but I’m hardly at the top of my game today.

This, however, isn’t Parkin’s first rodeo, and she turns out to be a polished interview subject, with plenty of hard-won wisdom to share. She offers a few excellent strategies for not only negotiating one’s salary but also for scoring promotions, perks, and opportunities at work.

For the next segment—“Your Money Q and A”—Casey joins me in the sound booth, and I respond to queries readers have submitted online, which she reads to me from her laptop. I’ve previewed them, of course, and scribbled notes in advance, and I’m pleased with how my answers come out. Sasha, I notice, is studying a sheet of paper in the outer part of the studio and briskly rubbing her hands, as if in anticipation of her upcoming role.

And now it’s time for the final segment, “Let’s Chat Dollars and Sense,” which is meant to be a light, casual close to the show. As Casey departs, Sasha strides into the sound booth, takes the seat across the desk from me, and adjusts her headset. I catch Casey rolling her eyes at Rex.

“You all set?” I ask Sasha.

“Absolutely.”

We’re given the signal to start, and after introducing Sasha as my intern, I tee up the segment by saying that as essential as it is to learn how to negotiate your salary—as today’s guest so wisely counseled us—it’s equally important to be smart from the get-go about managing the money you make. I ask Sasha to tell us about some of the mistakes she sees her friends making and what she wishes she could tell them.

Unfortunately, this is Sasha’s first rodeo and it shows. Her comments are stilted, and she also fails to tamp down her natural arrogance.

“How are your friends doing on the IRA front?” I ask. “Particularly the freelancers. Have they started to save for retirement yet?”

“Not all of them. It takes such a big chunk out of their earnings at a time when there are other important costs.”

“What do they consider more important than an IRA?”

“A good professional wardrobe. Networking dinners. Vacations.”

“I hate to hear that. Because the sooner you start feeding an IRA, the better.”

I notice Sasha twitch in her seat, as if she’s gearing up to make a particularly salient point.

“Actually, I have a different point of view on that,” she says.

Her comment catches me off guard. When I mentioned the importance of IRAs on Friday, she didn’t utter a word in disagreement.

“I’d love to hear it,” I say.

“Having the right clothes, meeting the right people, taking trips that energize you can actually be excellent investments. They help you grow your career and earn promotions, which in the long run can provide more benefits than investing in an IRA in your twenties.”

There’s a hint of smugness in her tone. I almost laugh out loud. Is she hoping to throw me off my game? Casey shoots me a WTF expression through the glass.