Hardcore Twenty-Four (Stephanie Plum #24)(70)

“Tell you the truth,” she said to me. “I’m getting a little freaked. I’m thinking there might be ghosts here besides zombies. I’m pretty sure I can feel them slithering against my skin. I got the creepy-crawlies.”

I had the creepy-crawlies too, but mine were coming from Zero Slick.

Slick stopped at a spot that had a tarp stretched over a mound of earth and another over an open grave. He pulled the tarp away from the grave.

“Here’s the scene,” Slick said. “You jump in, and we film you down there looking like you’re climbing out. You have to look like you’re coming out of the zombie portal.”

There was no way in hell I was going into the grave. And I know it was my civic duty to help catch Daryl the sociopathic drug lord, but I wasn’t feeling it. I was thinking this was a bad idea, and I would rather be back in Ranger’s apartment, or Morelli’s house, or even my own apartment. I was thinking some moronic television show and a glass of wine would be good.

“I got on my special bedazzled Via Spigas,” Lula said. “These aren’t no grave-jumping shoes. How about if I just run around and wave my arms in the air and look batshit scared?”

“I guess that would be okay,” Slick said. “I could get some footage of that.”

“Hold on,” I said. “We aren’t doing anything until the Supreme Ruler shows up.”

“Why not?” Slick asked.

“Because that’s the way it is,” I said. “It’s not like we’re a couple extras in some second-rate video. We expect to work with top people.”

“And what about your fans?” Lula said. “They deserve to see the big guy, Mr. Supreme.”

“Don’t worry about my fans,” Slick said. “I promised them a shocking video, and I’m going to deliver. I have it all planned out.”

“I think you’re full of baloney,” I said to him. “I think you made it up about the Supreme Ruler. I think you’re making a fake documentary.”

“I’m making the documentary of the century,” Slick said. “You should be begging me to let you jump in the hole.”

“You got delusions,” Lula said. “You’re a deluded person.”

“You said the Supreme Ruler is in the area. Exactly where is he?” I asked Slick. “Is he at Mickey’s eating cheese fries? Is he wandering around, reading tombstones?”

“He’s with the army,” Slick said. “He’ll come with the army when I give the signal.”

“What army is that?” Lula asked.

“The zombie army,” Slick said.

“I bet you got a zombie navy too,” Lula said. “And a zombie air force.”

“Not yet,” Slick said. “Just the army. They’ve been gathering while we’ve been talking. They’re going to help with the final scene.”

I looked beyond him, and I saw two red eyes glowing in the dark night. A second later more red eyes blinked on.

“What the heck?” Lula said. “Are you kidding me?”

She panned with the Maglite and the zombies groaned and swayed side to side when the light hit them. They were armed with shovels and hatchets.

“You’re surrounded,” Slick said. “Just like an apocalypse.” He had a small video camera and he started filming the advancing zombies, and then he focused on Lula and me. “Jump into the grave,” he said. “If you don’t jump into the grave, they’ll hack you to death. You’ll be safe in the grave.”

The zombies were shuffling forward. When they weren’t caught in the light beam it was too dark to see anything other than the glowing eyes.

“Red sky,” I said. “Red sky. Get me out of here. I’m done. I don’t care that the crazy guy isn’t here. Red sky. Red sky.”

“What’s with the red sky?” Lula asked.

“I’m wired. I’m calling Ranger in to get us out of here.”

I pulled the neck of my T-shirt out and looked down at the wire. It wasn’t there. I slipped my hand under my bra and came up with a single strip of loose tape. No wire.

“Stupid tape,” I said.

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Lula said.

“The tape came loose and the wire fell off.”

“Help!” Lula yelled.





TWENTY-NINE


SLICK RUSHED AT Lula, and shoved her backward. She lost her balance and fell into the grave. It was about seven feet deep, and she landed with a thud.

“Oh crap,” Lula said. “Lordy, Lordy.”

I pulled my stun gun out, but I was grabbed from behind before I could power up. I kicked back and tried to wrench free. A second set of hands was on me. I was yanked back and tossed into the grave. I scrambled to my feet and started to shout for help.

“That’s good,” Slick said. “Claw at the dirt like you’re trying to climb out. And it would be great if you could cry.”

The zombies were lined up around the grave.

“Commence shoveling,” Slick said. “We need to bury them alive.”

“Excuse me?” Lula said.

Slick looked down at us. “We’re not going to totally bury you alive. We’re going to leave your head sticking out because the Supreme Ruler wants your brains. It’s another part of the diversity movement. Brain diversity.”