Hardcore Twenty-Four (Stephanie Plum #24)(55)

“He’s having a sleepover at Rangeman.”

“Lucky him,” Lula said.

I went to my bedroom and stuffed some clothes into a medium-sized duffel bag. I added my laptop. It took me two minutes max, and I was ready to vacate. Truth is, I was much more frightened of a human pseudo-zombie than I would be of a real zombie. A Hollywood zombie would have to live by zombie rules. A pseudo-zombie would be unpredictable and have human emotions and obsessions . . . like needing a specific brain, as opposed to any old brain. Like maybe needing my brain.

On my way out, I checked for Diesel’s knapsack. Still there. My bed had been slept in and a towel was damp in the bathroom. I felt a sense of relief, because it meant Diesel was okay.

“What are we doing now?” Lula asked.

“We’re going to check on Johnny Chucci, and then I’m taking Grandma shopping.”

“What kind of shopping?”

“Grandma’s getting a puppy.”

“Say what?”

“It’s complicated.”

“You say that a lot. Am I going along to get this puppy?”

“No. You’re going to babysit Bob at the office.”

Lula turned in her seat and looked at Bob.

“I guess I could do that, as long as I don’t have to take him for a walk and pick up his poop.”

“No problem,” I said. “He’s already been for a walk. He’ll be happy to take a nap.”

I turned off Hamilton, wound around the maze of streets in the Burg, and parked in front of Johnny’s parents’ house. I left Lula and Bob in the car, and I went to the small front porch and rang the bell. Mrs. Chucci answered.

“I came to see how Johnny is doing,” I said to Mrs. Chucci.

“He’s doing much better,” she said. “He moved out yesterday.”

“Moved out? Where did he go?”

“He had a reconciliation with his ex-wife.”

“She had a restraining order against him.”

Mrs. Chucci nodded. “Life is strange, isn’t it? I suppose she realized she still had feelings for him when he got shot.”

I thanked Mrs. Chucci and went back to Big Blue.

“Well?” Lula asked. “How’s he doing?”

“He’s doing great. He’s back with his ex-wife.”

“You mean he’s standing on the street with a sign again?”

“I don’t know.”

? ? ?

I cut across the Burg and parked in front of Judy Chucci’s house. I didn’t see Johnny hobbling around on the sidewalk, so I assumed he was inside. I went to the door and rang the bell. No answer. I looked in the window. The house was dark. Wall to wall gnomes. No one walking around. I went to the back door. I knocked. I looked in the window. Lots of gnomes. No people. Door locked. I went back to the car.

“No one home,” I said to Lula.

“Maybe they killed each other, and they’re dead. You should bust in and take a look,” Lula said.

I had authority as a bail bonds agent to break into a house if I felt my felon was inside. I used this privilege only under extreme circumstances. It was dangerous, and I wasn’t especially talented at kicking a door down. In this case, I also couldn’t get excited about finding two dead people. Or, for that matter, destroying a window or a door only to discover that Judy and Johnny were out grocery shopping.

“Hang for a little while longer,” I said to Lula. “I’m going to talk to the neighbor.”

Houses on either side of Judy Chucci’s were normal. Small patches of grass that served as front yards. Neatly maintained. No gnomes.

I rang the bell on the house to the left of Judy’s, and a young woman came to the door with a baby under her arm.

“I’m looking for Judy,” I said. “She’s not answering her door, and the house looks deserted. Have you seen her lately?”

“She left early this morning,” the woman said. “She got back together with her fruitcake ex-husband, and they went on a pre-re-wedding honeymoon. She came over and asked me to take care of her gnomes. She said the one with the bad eye was feeling anxious about the fruitcake moving back in.”

“Do you know where they went?”

“Hawaii.”

I went back to Lula and Bob and took a deep breath. I was in financial doo-doo. I’d maxed out my credit card on the Florida trip. I had five dollars left in my pocket. And Big Blue guzzles gas faster than I can pump it in. I needed the capture money from Johnny.

“Good news and bad news,” I said to Lula. “The good news is that they aren’t dead. The bad news is that they’re in Hawaii.”

“That’s what happens when you be a Good Samaritan,” Lula said. “It’s like ordering food at the drive-thru. You never know when they’re going to short you on the fries.”





TWENTY-THREE


I DROPPED LULA and Bob at the office and drove to my parents’ house. Grandma was waiting at the door. I waved to her and she was off the porch and down the sidewalk before I had a chance to shut the engine off.

“I know where I want to go,” Grandma said. “I went to one of them rescue websites, and I found a dog. The website said he was going to be up for adoption at the Petco store on Route 33. We gotta get there before someone else nabs him. I got my checkbook, my credit card, and $235 in mad money I’ve been hiding from your mother. I had more, but I spent it on the Florida trip.”