Hardcore Twenty-Four (Stephanie Plum #24)(10)

He’s visited a bunch of times since that Christmas, mysteriously coming and going. He doesn’t have a key to my apartment, but that never stops him from getting in.

“Surprise,” Diesel said.

“Now what?” I asked him.

“Just passing through and thought I’d say hello.”

He took a grocery bag from me, set it on the counter, and emptied it.

“There are these things called vegetables,” he said. “You ever hear about them?”

“If I want vegetables I eat at my parents’ house. And I have baby carrots in the fridge.”

“They’re for your rat.”

“He’s a hamster.”

Diesel opened the box of Frosted Flakes and took a handful.

“You never just stop in to say hello,” I said. “I haven’t seen or heard from you in over a year. What’s up?”

“There’s a disturbance in the force. Thought I’d check it out.”

“That’s a little vague.”

Diesel shrugged. “It’s what I do, sweetie pie.”

“Right. You weren’t planning on doing it here, were you? Like in my apartment?”

“I’d rather be under a palm tree somewhere, but yeah, I’m stuck here for a while.”

“No. You are not staying here.”

“Sure I am. I always stay here. You’d be heartbroken if I stayed somewhere else.”

“I’d be overjoyed.”

“You need to work on your hostess skills,” Diesel said. “The whole cranky thing is a major turnoff.”

“Morelli is coming over for dinner tonight. I don’t want you here when he walks in.”

“Honey, that’s hard to believe. No one would come here for dinner. You only own one pot.”

“I own several pots and a fry pan.”

Diesel grinned. “You’re going to give him that frozen mac and cheese, aren’t you?”

“The mac and cheese is for me. Morelli is bringing dinner.”

“Okay, I’m in.”

“You aren’t in. There’s no in for you. He’s bringing dinner, and he’s spending the night.”

“You need to change that plan. I’m not crazy about sharing a bed with Morelli.”

I’d been down this road before with Diesel. He was an immovable object. Too big and strong to push around. Too intelligent to out-psych. He was inexplicably likable, and he smelled like fresh-out-of-the-oven gingerbread. He also left as abruptly and as easily as he appeared. He was an okay guy to know, but a romantic attachment would be a disaster.

“Okay. Great. You can have my apartment, and I’ll temporarily move in with Morelli,” I said.

“Not gonna happen,” Diesel said.

“How do you know?”

“Spidey sense.”

I put my groceries away, gave Rex a small piece of Pop-Tart, and went into my bedroom, where I found Diesel sprawled across my bed.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

“Thinking. Want to join me?”

“No.”

“Afraid you might like it?”

“Yes.”

That got another grin out of him. He reached for me and I ran away, back to the kitchen. I ate what was left of the Pop-Tart, and I called Morelli.

“Yo,” he said. “I was just about to call you. I’m going to have to cancel dinner tonight. We’ve got a situation here.”

“I’ve got a situation too. What’s your situation?”

“We found some heads.”

“The ones without bodies?”

“Yeah. Problem is we’ve got more heads than bodies now.”

“How many heads do you have?”

“I’m not authorized to say, but it’s more than three and less than ten.”

“That could be a lot of heads.”

“Actually, it’s less than five,” Morelli said.

“Have they been identified?”

“Three have been identified.”

“What about the headless guy found behind the hardware store?”

“It looks like one of the heads might belong to him, but the circumstances are odd. The autopsy has him dying from a heart attack several hours before his head was removed.”

“Eeuuww.”

“Exactly. It’s like someone has a head fetish. I’m really tied up here. It would be great if you could walk Bob for me, and maybe we could have a late dinner.”

“No problem.”

I disconnected and marched back to the bedroom.

“So much for Spidey sense,” I said to Diesel.

“Honeypot, you don’t ever want to underestimate my Spidey sense.”

“Here’s the plan. I’m leaving. I’m going to look for a snake and an FTA. Then I’m going to Morelli’s house. I’d appreciate it if you’d talk to Rex once in a while. Make sure he has fresh water. And don’t eat all the mac and cheese.”

I threw some clothes and a package of hot dogs into a small duffel bag, said goodbye to Rex, and told him I’d be back. I left the apartment and headed for my car. Truth is I wasn’t crazy about the whole leaving thing, but I didn’t know what else to do. I was involved in a relationship with Morelli, and he wouldn’t be happy to hear I was cohabitating with Diesel.