Hard Beat(96)

Sure, the rush of getting the story first is such a f*cking high, so then why don’t I feel anything close to that right now? Why isn’t my blood humming and my mind already back in the dirt and dust of a foreign country that doesn’t seem inviting right now?

I enter the house from the door in the garage and toss my shit on the table, cursing when the bag from Rylee falls on its side, the contents spilling out. A card, as well as some random get-well presents from the boys that they made me after the blast that are so sweet they make me smile, tug on those heartstrings a tad more, but it’s the bottle of bubbles that rolls to the edge of the table and falls to the floor that causes my bittersweet smile.

As soon as I pick them up, memories of Rylee using them to work out her life’s disappointments and then the laughs Beaux and I shared on the rooftop that last night when everything seemed so crystal clear assault me. Too bad I didn’t know it was all murky as f*ck. Without thinking of the bags I have to pack, the phone calls I have to make, the task of emptying my refrigerator so that nothing spoils in case I’m gone more than a couple of days, I open the bubbles and blow a few into the empty space of my living room. Perfectly round, they float in a mix of colors, before they pop, each memory, good and bad, disappearing with them.

There’s something about watching them that brings some kind of closure, one that’s tinged with sadness. Stupid in the grand scheme of things when I should be packing, but it’s there nonetheless.

I stand from the couch feeling like an idiot, a grown man blowing bubbles and not wanting to let go of the woman he loves. “God, Thomas. You’re acting like a schmuck. Get over it. Get over her. Pack your shit and leave her behind.”

But I don’t want to leave her behind. The bubbles make me think of Beaux. Of rib-hurting laughter and sigh-worthy sex. Of her undeniable feistiness contrasted with her incredible tenderness. Of just how much I want to rewrite the last chapter or the whole f*cking book if that’s what it takes, because I want her in my life.

I blow out a breath, knowing I have so much shit to do and I’ve wasted a fair amount of time with a childish novelty, but I have to do one more thing. I pick up the phone and dial.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I picked up a story and am gonna hop on a flight. Should be gone a couple of days, but you know what?” I say to my sister, so amped up by my decision, I know by that alone that it’s the right one. That I’m being true to myself.

“Tanner… A story? So soon? I thought you were taking a break. What’s going on?”

“Never mind the story. It’s not important, because I figured it all out. Bubbles. It was the damn bubbles.” I’m rambling and don’t care if she thinks I’m losing my mind. I’ve lost it and found it, and everything is so damn crystal clear to me for the first time in far too long.

“What in the world are you —”

“I was blowing – never mind,” I say, speaking ahead of my thoughts that are running out of control. “Look… You were right. I’ve never walked away without a fight before, so why am I walking away now?” Rylee starts to speak, and I just step right over her. “I love Beaux. Like I’m whipped, want to do anything to make this work.”

“There’s a little thing called a restraining order,” Rylee says cautiously, trying to hide the sarcasm mixed with the need to protect me from her voice.

“My gut tells me that there’s more to it than what’s going on. I just need to get a handle on what it is.” I pace the length of my hallway as I agree with my own self-diagnosis that I’m crazy. “You told me you fight like hell for what you love… Colton told me to rewrite the chapter and —”

“Rewrite what chapter?” she asks, confused.

“Ask your husband,” I tell her, not wanting to waste any time. “But I love her like no one else I’ve ever been with before, and I know she feels the same way and damn it, I’m going to fight for her.”

“Well, okay.” She laughs. “But wait! You can’t tell me all of this, get on a plane, and leave on that note!”

“I’ll be back in a few days, Ry. The way I feel isn’t going to change, and neither is my determination to win her back. You said love’s crazy. Well now it’s my turn to be crazy, but this time? This time, crazy is going to get the girl!”

Her laughter fills the line. “Go get ’em, Tan!”

I hang up the phone with the incredible feeling that everything is falling into place. I’m going back to work, gonna do my job, get the story first, do it better than anyone else. Because like Beaux said, I’m the one. Then I’m going to fly back to Kansas and fight for the girl. Get her out of whatever situation she’s in with John that puts that constant worry and fear in her eyes. I may be the farthest thing from the white knight, but I sure as f*ck can save the day.

But right now I need to get ready to leave.

I get everything packed, clothes, electronics, passport – all of the shit that sits in the closet waiting for the word go on a moment’s notice – but when I turn to take one last glance at my bedroom to make sure I’ve got everything, my feet falter as my eyes fall on Stella’s camera collecting dust on the top of my dresser. Conscious that time is limited, I walk over and reach out for it, my finger wiping away a streak of dust.