Hard Beat(13)

Is he f*cking serious? I wasn’t aware that he ever got a doctorate in psychology. I run a hand through my hair and then lean my forehead to the glass as I recognize that Rafe’s trying to prove a point on which I really don’t feel like being the test subject.

And yes, he’s absolutely right, but hell if I’m going to admit it.

“I’m perfectly fine.” I mutter the words with more conviction than I feel. Fuck if I haven’t gotten good at repeating them over the past few months. I’m so damn sick of people asking how I’m doing. I’m alive. She’s not. End of goddamn story. How do they think I feel?

He laughs loudly into the line, and the sound grates on every frayed nerve that I have. “Keep telling yourself that and maybe one day you will be. But the fact of the matter is that you’re one of my oldest colleagues and friends, and I want to make sure you’re okay. What better way to get you on your feet again than by throwing you right back in the fire you were burned by?” He pauses momentarily to let his comments sink in and burrow tiny little grappling hooks into my nerves, forcing me to see his truth through the pain.

“This is such a crock,” I grit out between my clenched teeth, trying to figure out what’s really going on here. “Since when do I have to prove shit to you, Rafe?”

“You don’t.” He sighs in exasperation. “I don’t make the decisions, Tan. I just make sure they’re carried out.”

“How do those strings feel tied to your hands and feet?” I ask, followed by a circus tune to reinforce my puppet reference.

“Dude, her portfolio is really incredible. Top notch.”

“Uh-huh… Remind me of that when you bitch at me for losing the story because I’m so busy holding her goddamn hand so she doesn’t get us killed. I didn’t come here to put my jacket over puddles to make sure some fresh-out-of-college punk doesn’t get mud on her high heels.”

“Shit, and I packed my Louboutins too.”

The voice at my back has me whirling around, mouth lax, mind trying to catch up and put the pieces together. A sinking feeling hits the pit of my stomach when I see BJ standing with her shoulder against the doorjamb: Arms folded, she’s wearing a tank top with faded blue jeans, an arrogant smirk on those expressive lips of hers, and shoes that are most definitely not of the stiletto variety.

I blame the jet lag for the momentary lapse as the situation hits me full force. Rafe’s voice is in my ear babbling, and my one-night fling stands before me, but now she’s so much more than just that.

How did I not see this coming from a mile away?

“Seriously, Rafe?” They’re the only words I can form as I stare at BJ… well Beaux, I assume. My body reacts viscerally to both the sight and memory of what she feels like, but common sense tells me I’ve been played on so many f*cking ends of the field that I might as well sit on the bench and throw in the goddamn towel.

“Ah. She must be there. She’s easy on the eyes, huh?” he asks, trying to use her beauty as a way to soften the blow as I walk back toward the window, not wanting to deal with her just yet.

“No. She’s not hot,” I tell him, damn well knowing she can hear me. She’s far from f*cking hot. She’s drop dead gorgeous. Elegant. Sexy. All of the goddamn above.

Pissed off, I hang up on Rafe without another word. My mind reels, I’m questioning my judgment, and I find the world outside the hotel so much easier to focus on than our personalities clashing in here.

“I’m not hot?” The amusement laced with condescension in her tone causes me to roll my shoulders in discomfort, hating being played by her. “Glad to see Rafe makes sure looks are part of the job requirements.”

“No, you’re not hot,” I repeat as I turn and walk toward the conference room door that she’s blocking. “And if that’s what he’s looking at you for, that means your pictures are for shit. So…” I shrug. “Guess you can go back to freelance because you’re not going to be partnered with me.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” As her glare meets mine, she crosses her arms over her chest in an innocent move that pushes her tits up, so of course I’m reminded of last night. Fool me once and all that. I’m not making this mistake again.

When I take a step toward her, she doesn’t budge an inch. “Yes, you are,” I inform her as I reach out to take her by the shoulders and physically move her to the side. It takes everything I have to force myself to ignore the damn jolt of heat that sears my nerves so that I can leave the conference room.

I’ve got to get the hell away from her. Just from one simple touch of her skin, my body feels like it’s on fire. Her laugh reaches me as I start to walk down the hallway, and on principle, I turn back around, then stride with purpose up to her and get well within her damn personal space. And even though my blood is boiling, the only thing I can focus on is that f*cking perfume of hers that tickles my nose.

“Just tell me one thing, Beaux.”

“It’s BJ to you.”

I couldn’t care less what she wants me to call her because it’s not like I’ll be speaking to her again anyway. “Why play me like you did? Because you did play me, right? You slithered up to me at the bar, used your sexy voice and those come-f*ck-me eyes to reel me in, and then stayed long enough after I left to ask around and see where I was. So were you waiting in the stairwell? Biding your time until I came down so that you could get in my pants and what? Ensure you’d get my blessing for the position because you researched me enough to know what happened with Stella and knew I was going to freak the f*ck out? And then when Rafe called last night, you figured out who it was and bolted in case I put two and two together?” I’m shouting now, hands fisted at my side, and almost nose to nose with her. I don’t care about goddamn protocol now.