Grave Mistakes (Hellgate Guardians #1)(75)
Iceman glances back over to the space. “I noticed.”
“Your floor plan is much better,” Jerif pipes in arrogantly, which is basically the equivalent of I told you so.
“Anyway,” I say, bulldozing past the awkward conversation before Crux or Echo can interject anything about our happy hour on the couch, “what did you want to talk about?” Please don’t be some sort of dream reader, I chant silently.
Iceman leans forward on the couch, bracing his forearms on his powerful thighs as he looks at me while the others circle around the back of the couch. “I know you’re not ready, Delta, and all of us were hoping we could postpone this until you were...but we need to go back to Hell.”
I stare at Iceman blankly for a beat as his words dig into me. I’m relieved that this has nothing to do with the dream, but that relief quickly evaporates as what he’s saying takes root. Hell. I have to go back to Hell.
I probably should have been expecting this, especially after what happened at the other Gate, but I haven’t given it a moment’s thought. I’ve been too busy coveting demon orgasms, and I don’t know what that even says about me. Maybe epic levels of avoidance is my demon superpower.
I try to stuff my hand into my damn pocket again, because clearly, I didn’t learn my lesson the first time. It’s even more awkward now since I’m sitting on the couch. “So...Hell.”
Iceman watches me carefully. “Yes.”
I nod slowly as I look down at my lap. Shit. I know I committed to trying to be okay with this whole demon thing, I mean, what other choice do I have? But this is it. I either accept this future for myself or… I pause, suddenly unable to finish that thought. I keep thinking I can walk away, but after seeing what I saw at the other Hellgate, and feeling what it felt like to protect it, to be part of the team...walking away just doesn’t feel like an option. If the group sex fantasy tells me anything—aside from my serious need to get laid—it’s that I want this, to be a part of this group, no matter how much it freaks me out at the same time.
“This is not what I thought I was signing up for,” I start as I pick at my cuticles just to have something to do. “I mean...me being a demon is one thing, but being a Hellgate Guardian that’s tied to you and a Gate for the rest of the foreseeable future? That’s...a lot to take in,” I admit before looking back up at him. For some reason, Iceman has always seemed like “the boss” to me. Maybe it has to do with the fact that he’s an ūnus demon from the First Ring of Hell, but it seems like the guys defer to him, and I find myself wanting to earn his respect. “But then you guys took me to the other Gate yesterday.”
My eyes flick over to the scythe propped up by the front door. If I concentrate, I can still taste the ash that was in my mouth and the way my muscles felt when I spun the weapon and took out those Cousin It demons.
“I can’t ignore it now. I can’t just shut my eyes and hope it all goes away. Not when I know what kinds of things are trying to sneak out of Hell. Not when I know what you guys are up against and what’s riding on it.”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly as I wrap my mind and future around what I’m about to say. I meet Iceman’s eyes and feel more certain and steadier than I thought I would.
Go figure.
“If I’m honestly your best shot at helping to stabilize the Gate, then I know I need to help. I’m still adjusting to all of this, and I don’t know how long that will take, but I could never forgive myself if something really bad came through all because I was too much of a coward to accept what I am. I don’t want to be a coward.”
“So you’ll come?” he asks, an edge of hope riding his tone.
I’m probably going to regret this, but… “Yeah. I’ll come. I’ll try to be a Hellgate Guardian.”
There seems to be a collective sigh that comes out of the guys, and the mood in the room immediately lifts. “But I have to be honest...I have no fucking clue how to do what you guys do, and I’m a little terrified.”
“We’ll teach you,” Iceman quickly says, as if he wants to reassure me before I change my mind.
“And I really have to go to Hell? I can’t just guard the Gate without going down there?” I ask, pointing past my floor as if Hell is right below us.
“Afraid so,” Iceman says.
“We need to find out what Ring you’re from first,” Echo supplies. “That way we can figure out what we’re dealing with. We’re hoping you’re a Second Ringer—a Duo like Jerif. But even a Trēs like me and Crux would be great. Any Inner Ringer will help us hold the Gate.”
“I still think she might surprise us and be a Nihil,” Crux throws out nonchalantly.
“She’s not a Gatekeeper, Crux. Let it go already,” Jerif growls, and Crux just shrugs like he has no intention of listening to a thing that Jerif has to say.
I don’t blame him. Even though I’m pretty sure Jerif is spot on with that assessment, the arrogant shithead will never know I totally agree.
“I believe part of your block is still in place too,” Iceman adds, pulling my focus back to him.
My eyebrows shoot up. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you haven’t displayed any demonic powers yet, other than the fact that you can wield the scythe and see past wards. The block may fully break once you enter the Ring of Hell you’re from. The Gates to each Ring are very powerful and strip a demon of any outside influences, more or less purifying them when they go home. We’re hoping that if there are any lingering suppressants on your abilities, that your home Ring will clear it up.”