Good Girl(20)

But no one has made me feel the way Rhys does.

No one has ever caused me to offer myself up carte blanche before. Honestly, keeping my panties on until this point hasn't been much of a challenge. Before I laid eyes on Rhys, that is. It wasn't until seeing him that I turned into a total slut. A sad wannabe slut with a dirty imagination and an aversion to losing her virginity on a couch.

Fail.

"Scissors," Payton demands, pulling me from my self-pity by holding out her hand as if she's in surgery and requesting a scalpel. I sigh, put down my pincushion and make a big show of placing the scissors in her palm. Then I watch as she sets down her Sharpie and carefully begins cutting.

"What are you doing?"

"Making you a badge."

"Um." I try to get a better look but I can't make sense of it as she rotates the fabric and continues to snip. "Okay," I say for lack of anything better.

"Done!" Payton sets the scissors down then picks it up and slaps it down on the table in front of me, a huge smile covering her face. She appears to be genuinely proud over her creation.

She's drawn a foaming glass of beer onto a heart-shaped piece of scrap sheet fabric. I glance at it and then back to her.

"What is this?"

"A bar badge!" she announces with, yes, I'm going with pride.

"You made me a badge. For a bar." I run my fingers along it. I have to admit she's done nice work. "A heart-shaped badge. What level uses heart-shaped badges?" I'm joking because heart-shaped badges do not exist.

"The fun level."

I frown at her, suspicious. "What did I do to earn this badge?"

"You had an orgasm in a bar." She says this part as if she assumed the criteria for the bar badge was obvious.

"You are so messed up," I mutter.

"They didn't kick me out of the Girl Troopers for nothing. Now, we need a sash. Let's see what we can use." She jumps up and starts digging through my pile of sheet fabric.

"Whoa, what do you mean we need a sash?"

"For your badge?" she replies, again with a frown as if I'm simply not getting it. "Where are we supposed to display all your badges if you don't have a sash?"

"All what badges?"

"All the fun badges you're going to earn," she says without looking at me as she digs a faded floral print from the pile. "Can I use this?"

Okay, the thing is, I really do enjoy earning badges. I find it very satisfying.

"What other badges do you have in mind?" I try to ask it casually, like it's a joke, but I'm not sure how successful I am. I twirl a lock of hair around my fingertip and try to look nonchalant. It's been so long since I had a new badge to earn.

"The next badge is the 'no fucks' badge."

"Haven't I already earned that badge? By not having sex?"

"It's more of a 'fuck everyone' badge." Payton spreads the fabric across my cutting mat and picks up the acrylic cutting ruler, lining it up neatly along the edge of the fabric.

"Payton, I told you group sex is not my thing. Normally I believe in trying something before you decide it's not for you, but I just don't think sex parties are something one tries unless they have a predisposed interest."

"Um, wow." She's bent over the fabric smoothing the wrinkles with her hand but she stops and stands up straight. "You are really literal." She hands me the cutting ruler and motions to my chair. "Switch places with me."

"I thought you were making me a sash."

"I was, but then I realized sewing is pretty complicated and I want to do a good job so I think you should do it."

"I should make the sash because you want to do a good job," I repeat as I stand and switch places with her. "So many things are making sense right now."

"Make sure you do a good job because I have pride in my work."

"Of course you do." I realign the fabric on the cutting mat then place the ruler and make a quick swipe through the fabric with the rotary cutter, before moving the ruler and making a second cut so that I have five inch-wide strips of fabric. Then I grab my pincushion and start pinning the strips together so I can make a hidden seam.

"Anyway, we'll call your next badge the confidence badge," Payton says as she gets to work with her Sharpies. "Since calling it the 'fuck everyone' badge seems a little dicey for you. You haven't earned this one yet, but I'm going to make it and hang it on the fridge so you have a goal."

"Do you think this is a bit dysfunctional?"

"No. I think this is adulting done right."

I do like having goals so I decide she must be correct.





Eleven





LYDIA



It turns out I can earn the confidence badge by going to work on Monday. It's a little more complicated than that, but that's the gist. Payton said new week, new me. She said I have to go be brave, go to work, and not fire myself.

She also said that since Rhys made out with me it means she was right that propositioning him for sex made his day. I reminded her that he turned me down for sex and she insisted it was because he has an erectile dysfunction. She's a really sweet friend to say so, but I don't think it's true. I think he rejected me because he didn't want to have sex with me. Which is his right, obviously. Absolutely.