Girls of Summer(49)

   “You’re going to help? Great!”

The air between them danced like lights from a disco ball. Juliet couldn’t take her eyes away from his. She wanted to freeze him there across from her so she could stare at him, at his blue eyes, his black hair, the furry hair on his arms—he wore a blue button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. She thought what she felt must be kind of like being tasered.

“There you are!” a man said, clapping Ryder on the back. Without an invitation, Leo Johns slid onto the bench next to Ryder. “Hey Juliet, did you hear about Ryder helping me save a seal this morning?” He sensed the change in atmosphere as he sat down. “Sorry, Juliet, I don’t mean to interrupt your conversation but Ryder and I have a meeting scheduled for now. About Ocean Matters. Would you like to join us? We can use all the hands we can get.”

Juliet couldn’t think straight. It all whirled: the abrupt jump from intimate desire to the outer reality, the cup in her hand, the one in Ryder’s hand, the hard table between them, the buzz of other people laughing and chatting, all around her in the bright room, Leo Johns with his jug ears and round belly like a short Santa Claus in tennis shorts, a nice man, a retired lawyer who gave his time and money to island causes.

“No, thanks,” she said. “I’ve got to be somewhere. See you.”

Ryder took her wrist in his hand. “We didn’t get to have our dinner. Can I take you out tonight?”

Run away, an inner voice warned. Are you kidding? another inner voice said.

“I can’t do it tonight,” she said.

“Tomorrow night?”

His hand was warm on her wrist. His grip was light, and electric. She knew Leo Johns was watching.

   “Okay, I guess, tomorrow night.” She picked up her wallet and left quickly, before they could make plans.

It wasn’t until she was all the way to the Hub that she remembered she hadn’t put her cup in the tub for used china. The omission stopped her in her tracks. She went hot all over. What would Ryder think of her, of her ability to care about the ocean, if she couldn’t even remember to remove her cup from the table to the bin? Should she go back and move the cup? No, that would be insane.

“What is going on?” Juliet muttered.

Shaken, she walked down to the harbor, taking long strides, cutting through other walkers as if she was on roller skates. The walk helped her catch her breath. The sight of the blue water, so clear even where motorboats were docked, calmed her even more.

She sat on a bench and watched the fishermen prepare their Boston Whalers. Real life was hard work, she decided. Her apartment and office in Cambridge suddenly seemed like a refuge to her. A hiding place.

But with much of her heart and all of her body, she didn’t want to hide.

So, she wouldn’t hide! She’d flirt like a male peacock, using all the colors of the rainbow. Okay, that might be too much, but she knew exactly where to find the perfect outfit to wear to dinner with Ryder.

She walked past the post office, the Catholic church, and the Hub, where people were buying magazines, newspapers, and coffee. She crossed the cobblestone street and stopped in front of Sail, her mother’s store. A darling turquoise dress with a sexy halter-top was in the window, and Juliet’s reflection in her all-black Athleta tee and yoga pants wavered over the dress like a crow floating on a flower.

She pushed the door open and went inside. The air was cool and dry and fragrant, and upbeat music drifted through the air from a local radio station. Lisa was bending over her jewelry counter. No one else was in the shop.

   “Hi, Mom!”

“Darling!” Lisa came from behind the counter and hugged Juliet. “Not that I’m complaining, but what brings you here?”

“I want to buy a dress to wear out to dinner with Ryder Hastings,” Juliet said.

“Really? Oh, what fun!”

Seeing her mother’s face brighten sent rockets of emotions through Juliet’s heart. Guilt, because she’d always been critical of Lisa’s store and in fact, in her teenage years, she’d been really snotty and insulting about it. Pleasure, because this simple act was making her mother so happy. How hard it must be to be a mother, whose happiness was so tightly bound up in her children.

And finally, an emotion she hadn’t experienced often—anticipation.

“Can I try on that turquoise dress in the window?” Juliet asked.

Lisa laughed. “Of course. You must be a size six.” She walked over to the rack, lifted the dress down, and told her daughter, “Let’s go into a dressing room. While you’re trying this on, I’ll see if I’ve got anything else you might like.”

Juliet stepped into the small room with its gold hooks and little flouncy stool and large mirror. She peeled off her pants and tee, unzipped the turquoise dress, and slid into it. It took a few seconds for her to understand what she saw in the mirror. She looked very, very feminine, and the dress was cut to make her breasts seem enormous. This was not who she was. Was this who she should try to be?

Her mother’s voice floated through the curtain. “Juliet, I’m hanging some dresses on the rod. You don’t have to try them on, but I think they’d look great on you.”

   “Thanks, Mom.” Already, Juliet was discouraged. She couldn’t wear this dress.