Girl Unknown(80)

‘But she might not be our sister,’ Holly said, stubbornly holding her position.

‘Look, love, Zo? is your sister. I know that for sure.’

‘How?’

‘I just do,’ I said, my voice rising a little, tetchiness creeping into it. I was in no fit state for this conversation and wished I’d destroyed the damn letter instead of keeping it. ‘To be honest,’ I told her, ‘I don’t know why I even did the test. It was foolish of me.’

‘You mustn’t have believed her,’ Holly stated shrewdly.

‘It was a shock, when I found out. But once the shock wore off, I saw plainly that she was telling the truth.’

‘Does Mum know about this?’ she asked. She was still holding on to the letter. I wanted to take it back from her but the way she was clutching it told me she wouldn’t relinquish it easily.

‘She knows about the test,’ I said.

‘She does? That it was inconclusive?’ Holly sounded disbelieving, and rightly so. She knew her mother well.

‘I know it looks strange, sweetheart,’ I said, deflecting her question. ‘I know it’s a fright to come across a document like this, but what you’ve got to understand is that it is only one result.’

‘But it’s inconclusive, Dad. That means she could be anyone.’

‘It’s very common for these tests to come back inconclusive.’

‘She doesn’t feel like my sister,’ she told me. ‘She feels like a stranger. Like she doesn’t belong.’

Upstairs, I heard a door opening, a voice on the landing.

‘Listen, Holly, you have to promise me you won’t tell anyone else.’

‘Why not? Not telling anyone else makes it sound like a secret.’

‘You don’t have the full facts, Holly. If you’d let me explain –’

‘But why does it have to be a secret? That doesn’t seem right.’

‘Please stop calling it a secret,’ I said, as calmly as I could. She sounded a little frantic and my own mind was racing. ‘It’s not a secret. It’s just that I don’t want everybody to know about this piece of paper because it’s meaningless in the great scheme of things.’

As if to prove my point, I took the document from her hands and scrunched it into a ball, tossing it into the grate. She followed it with her eyes, her brow creasing with thought.

‘Now listen, Holly. It’s really important that we don’t upset everyone else by bringing it up,’ I said, taking her shoulders and brushing the hair from her eyes. As reassuringly as I could, I said: ‘It’s not the time or place, okay, sweetheart?’

She didn’t say anything, but continued to gaze at the ball of paper in the grate.

‘You and I can sit down later and have a proper chat about it, I promise.’ Outside, I could hear Caroline calling to the others.

‘It’s our birthday, remember?’ I said, smiling, trying to chivvy her out of her mood.

‘Fine,’ she said, turning towards the door, but I felt her stubbornness nonetheless and knew she hadn’t given in. My heart was hammering from the encounter.

‘We’re all set,’ Caroline said, startling me. I was so lost in my own catapulting thoughts, I hadn’t noticed her head poking around the door. ‘Are you ready?’

‘Sure,’ I said, flustered but trying to mask it with busyness as I located my wallet and phone, and put them into my pockets. It was not until we were outside and halfway down the street that I remembered the letter pressed into a ball and left lying in the grate.

On the stroll down to the village square, our group separated, Holly and Caroline hanging back while the rest of us went on ahead. Zo?, wearing a blue dress and make-up, linked my arm as we walked. We talked about the day, the fire and the smoke, but my mind was elsewhere. I kept thinking about Holly, trailing behind with Caroline – of the new knowledge she possessed. Once or twice I glanced back at them, but the narrow streets were darker than usual, the shadow of smoke making the air gloomy. I couldn’t tell if they were talking, let alone make out their expressions.

At the bistro, the tables outside were empty. For once, all the diners were indoors, cocooned against whatever poisons infused the air. Our table was at the back, and we made our way through the crowded room. The noise level was high beneath the stringed bulbs that swung across the ceiling, the smell of smoke already fading in memory, replaced by the scent of garlic sautéed in butter. At the next table, a group of young men – all ripped jeans and messy hairstyles – were enjoying a raucous meal. They glanced up at us as we took our seats, Zo? and I sitting alongside each other, our backs to the wall, Robbie and Chris opposite.

Things began to go awry when the others arrived. Holly was staring at Zo?. ‘You can’t sit there,’ she said.

Zo? laughed, confused.

‘We sit together,’ Holly went on, ‘me and Dad, on our birthday.’ Her voice was cold.

‘Oh.’ Zo? began to get up.

I put a hand to her arm to stop her. ‘Stay where you are, Zo?. Hols, why don’t you sit here?’ I indicated the seat next to me at the top of the table. ‘That way you’ll still be next to me.’

A frown came over Holly’s face.

‘It’s not the same,’ she said quietly.