Girl Crush(30)
But no matter how hard I tried to close down the conversation, end the date, she wasn’t having it. I managed to escape to the bathroom but couldn’t bring myself to listen to Ronnie’s “I told you so” if I called her to rescue me. Instead, I opted to push out the screen and climb out the window. I ran around the building with my keys in hand.
The moment I opened my car door, the drug-smuggling princess popped out the front door, shouting for all the world to hear, “Where are you going, Jessabelle.”
“It’s Giselle, you half-wit. Lay off the pot,” I hollered back and sped off in my getaway car.
I felt bad. I’d never done anything so cruel, but she’d given me no other choice.
Thursday, I skipped running in order to meet Cassie before work. We didn’t have long to get to know each other, but both of us had been clear we just wanted to hook up. I’d reached a new level of desperation meeting a woman for the first time in a park to make out. I hadn’t thought about it. I jumped into her minivan and ignored the two car seats to join her in the very back. She’d laid out a blanket, and the moment I’d closed the door behind me, she started stripping her clothes off.
I’d been guilty of overthinking, so I went with it. My shirt flew over my head, and I eased off my running shorts and panties. I avoided eye contact with any nether regions and closed my eyes when she started kissing me. There were no sparks, but before there could be a tingle—there was a knock. The police officer let us off with a warning but suggested we take our activities somewhere other than a public park. Ashamed, I dressed and peeled out of the parking lot, vowing to change my phone number and identity.
Friday brought an hour for lunch and a meeting in Kristy’s office with no windows and a lock on the door. I hadn’t taken any time to get to know any of these women, not even their sexual interests. I had hoped one of them would get me to open up enough to enjoy a new experience and offer me the release I so desperately needed. The instant the door closed behind me, Kristy secured the lock and pulled out the barrette holding her French twist in place. She shook her hair so it fell in soft waves around her shoulders and directed me to get naked.
With each command I followed, she barked out more orders until I was standing nude with my hands on the front of her desk and my legs spread. She hadn’t touched me, nor had she taken off anything other than the clip from her hair, but here I stood, exposed and panting in anticipation…or possibly fear. She laid a hearty slap on my rear end and then circled the desk. My jaw hung slightly ajar in shock. But when she reached into her top drawer and pulled out an enormous, dark-blue, double-sided dong she promised to fill me with, I was out. I’d never gotten dressed so fast in my life.
I didn’t believe there weren’t women out there who weren’t scary. Surely in the millions of people looking for online dates, there were normal females just like me looking to hook up. Maybe I was going about this the wrong way. I needed help, but Ronnie wasn’t the place to go to find it. The only other lesbians I knew were Beck and Roxie. But I didn’t know how to ask someone I went on a date with how to hook up with other lesbians when I couldn’t seal the deal with either of them.
I decided Beck was the better option since she technically had a girlfriend and was no longer available for sexual exploration. I sent her a text and made plans to meet at her house the next day. Then I called Roxie and asked if she wanted to go to roller derby this afternoon. I half expected her to turn me down, but once I made it clear I just wanted to go as friends, she accepted my invitation, and my evening was filled with roller skates, wickedly cool women, and a loud crowd.
The next day when I showed up at Beck’s, I pulled in behind Collier’s Porsche. He answered the door in nothing but a pair of shorts hung low on his hips.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“I’m meeting Beck here at two.” I glanced at my watch, realizing I was a couple minutes early.
“She’s not here yet. Come on in. I was just watching TV.”
“Why do you park in the driveway?” My mind hopped from rabbit trail to rabbit trail if it wasn’t occupied.
He shrugged. “It’s easier to get to there.”
“Aren’t you worried about it getting damaged by the weather? Someone stealing it? Egging it?” I gave him an evil grin at that last suggestion.
“It’s just a car, but if I find egg shells, I’ll know who to question.”
“That car costs more than most people’s houses.” I followed him inside.
“Meaning what?”
“That you should care more about what happens to it.”
“Why? It’s not like I’m going to get rid of it if it gets scratched or has a ding.”
I couldn’t figure out his angle. “So why invest in a car worth that much money if you don’t care about its wellbeing?”
“It’s not a person, Giselle. And it’s fun to drive.” He plopped down on the couch in the same spot his sister’s pooty had rubbed against the leather the first night I’d been here.
My face must have contorted in some odd expression, because he tilted his head and asked, “What’s that look for?”
It would be far more fun to fuck with him than try to play it off. My brow lifted, scrunching my forehead and exaggerating the lines I tried desperately to hide, and the corners of my lips pulled back in a contorted grimace as if to say, “Ummm. You don’t want to know.”