Girl Crush(10)
She took my hand in hers and lifted my fingers to her mouth. Those perfect lips showered my knuckles with affection. They were just as soft as they appeared from across the bar table. But when she opened her mouth and slid my pinky in to suck it like she would man-meat, I jerked my hand back. I fought against the creepy-crawly feeling her tongue left on the pads of my fingers, and in its place, came tears. I couldn’t help it. She’d pulled my tiny finger in and out of her mouth like she was sucking dick, and the emotions bubbled to the surface.
Maybe I just wasn’t ready for an intimate relationship with a woman. Maybe this truly was like learning to date all over again. Maybe I needed time to acclimate to a female’s touch on my body. Whatever it was—the warm fuzzy feeling I’d had when I knocked on the door was knotting itself up into a ball of emotional frenzy.
And there, on her couch, with her fine ass stuck to the leather and her perfect twat on display for anyone to see, I began to cry about the horrible things all the men in my life had done. Before I knew it, she’d tied her robe and gotten two pints of Ben & Jerry’s along with two spoons. We spent the rest of the evening regaling tales of lost loves over Chunky Monkey and Cherry Garcia.
3
“You’re such a bitch. Stop laughing.” I was about to throw my wine in my best friend’s face if she didn’t quit making fun of me.
“You realize you just committed the worst dating faux pas possible. No woman wants to hear about her girlfriend’s ex-lovers.”
“First of all, she’s not my girlfriend. And secondly, she ate just as much ice cream as I did and had equally horrible stories to share.”
“Did she ever get dressed?”
“I mean, she tied the robe. Nobody wants ice cream on bare skin. But no. She didn’t put any clothes on. Did I mention her brother’s ride?”
“If you didn’t have such a fine ass, Gizzy, I’d worry you might be a dude. What is with you and cars?”
“This wasn’t just a car. This was a hundred thousand dollars’ worth of beautifully crafted steel. And it wasn’t an automatic.”
“Does it being a straight drive mean something I’m not aware of?”
“Um yeah. That he can harness the power of five hundred horses.”
“I’m sure that’s impressive if you’re sporting a dick, but what does that do for you?”
“Unfortunately, his appeal stopped at his car.”
“And his sister?”
“No. Just the car.”
“Giselle, you’re a mess. So how did you guys leave this disaster?”
“We’re going to get coffee on Thursday. Why?”
“Do you have an enchanted pussy?”
“Is that lesbian slang?” I didn’t know what the hell she was referring to.
“No. I’m trying to figure out why the hell this banging chick would want anything to do with your emo ass after you got drunk and cried on her couch. Are you sure you didn’t eat her out? Suckle her nipples? Finger her?”
“I didn’t touch her, Ronnie. Maybe she just likes me.”
“No one likes you, Giselle. Men tolerate you because you’re an incredible lay who doesn’t want a commitment. And your friends have known you too long to desert you without being cited by the county for child abandonment.”
“Ha. Ha. Laugh all you want. It is possible I could make some new friends, you know? God knows with the likes of you, I need them.”
“Nothing like a naked broad with a pint of ice cream to dub your new BFF. So, who else is on your dance card?”
“My what? Veronica, I don’t dance.”
“No, and you’re not an idiot, either. Wise up. I know you’re not betting the farm on one woman, so who’s up next to bat, because this chick just struck out.”
“She did not. She was just a tad forward knowing I was a newbie.”
“It’s sex, not rocket science. And you’ve totally canned her. I know you, Giselle. She tried to move to second base, and you shut her down. Whatever your reason, she got friend-zoned last night. So, who’s next?”
“Did your mother deprive you of oxygen as a baby?”
“No, but clearly yours did. Who’s next?”
“Roxie.”
“What’s a Roxie?”
For being so well-rounded, my best friend could be a total moron. “Seriously?”
“Fine, tell me about Roxie. Does she know you’re a hetero parading around as a lesbian wannabe? Or better yet, that you get a lady boner for cars?”
“I hate you.” I didn’t really.
“You love me.”
We closed down The Watering Hole talking about all the possibilities in my dating game. She’d never admit it, but I think Veronica might have been a tad jealous that I was out playing in her field while she was chained up in her dugout at home. I didn’t know how she’d managed to get away tonight, but I was fairly certain Trish would have her in shackles again by morning. This seemed to be their thing. Veronica needed pizzazz in her relationships, and they’d been together so long they’d lost the Zs at the end and just had pizza. No one else could put up with her, but Trish could be a lot to handle, too. Having a best friend who was gay when I wasn’t led to its own problems when they were dating. It led to even more when I decided I wanted to switch teams.