Girl A(39)

We spent many sessions at the window above the plaque, with the court drawing on the table between us. Dr K seemed bored by this exercise. ‘There’s no answer to it,’ she said, ‘other than the one it would help you to believe.’ But I was obsessed with it, for a while. I kept turning the paper, as if I might find Delilah’s face on the other side of the page.





4


Gabriel (Boy B)


WE HAD COME TO the season of the wasps. In the taxi, one of the insects veered between the windows, until Devlin leaned across me, and crushed it between her phone and the glass.

‘The question,’ she said, ‘is whether you’re going to do it.’

On the seat between us was a pair of genomics testing kits, handed to us at the end of the day’s meetings.

‘Imagine,’ Devlin said, ‘if somebody had told me about the weakness in my heart. Would I have worked differently? Maybe I would be a yoga instructor. Or a gardener.’

‘I don’t think you’d have changed a thing. A nice gimmick, though.’

‘They were full of them.’

Jake, the CEO and founder of ChromoClick, had led the presentation. He had already done the backstory: six years before, he had been working as a PhD student at MIT, mid-lab, when he was called from the room by one of the senior doctors in the Biology Faculty. At that moment, he was two hours into a day-long observation of a yeast strain, awaiting a potential mutation, and he was reluctant to leave the room. He knew that something was wrong when the doctor placed a hand upon his shoulder, and said, ‘Spoiler alert, kid: the mutation never comes. Leave the yeast be.’

The news, which Jake had been half expecting, was that his brother had shot himself in the face, and Jake was half expecting this news because his father had shot himself before that, and his father’s father before him. Jake was the exception: the mutation which, against all odds, had finally arrived. He returned to the lab.

ChromoClick was now the fastest growing genetic service company in Europe. Its reporting service provided an extensive analysis of health and ancestry to individual customers, and funded a research arm which was asking what Jake characterized as the big questions: how to extinguish fundamental flaws from family lines, and how fundamental those flaws needed to be to justify extinction.

‘People have a natural curiosity about themselves,’ Jake said, ‘and we have a natural curiosity about helping people.’

‘They told a good story,’ I said.

‘They want a good price.’

The motorway passed behind dim windows. It was the kind of hot, flat day when everything looks uglier than it is. Devlin held one of the kits to the light and surveyed the packaging as if it might reflect her.

‘Dementia,’ she said. ‘A few coronary bypasses.’

I thought of my own list.

‘I think my time for spitting in a pot must have passed,’ she said. ‘If anything of importance happens to be lurking in my DNA, it’ll make itself known soon enough.’

The sky ahead was cluttered with buildings and cranes. ‘We should talk about the drafting,’ I said, ‘before we hit London.’

Devlin wasn’t listening. Still squinting at the test pack.

‘Not you, though,’ she said. ‘There’s still time for you to take up gardening.’

As it turned out, JP called me. The night receptionist, who treated each call with the same whiskery indignation, rang through to my desk and informed me that there was a gentleman on the line.

‘Who?’ I said. I was scrolling through the second page of indistinguishable sushi platters, about to order dinner. ‘I’m not expecting anyone.’

‘He didn’t have a real name,’ she said. ‘Just initials.’

‘Ah. OK. Yes, you can put him through.’

The line clicked, and JP cleared his throat.

‘Lex?’ he said, after a moment.

‘Hello,’ I said.

‘Hello. At last. You need a friendlier receptionist.’

‘We don’t do friendly. We do stamina and winning.’

‘That sounds about right. Well. Olivia said that you were in town. I just wanted to say hello. I heard about your mother.’

‘I’m fine,’ I said, although he hadn’t asked.

‘Good. When do you go back?’

‘It depends. There’s a deal here, and some family things to sort out. Maybe a few more weeks.’

‘Do you want to go for a drink or something, Lex? It would be good to catch up.’

‘I don’t know. This weekend – I’m going to see my brother. Early next week?’

‘Monday?’

‘Yes, Monday night. I’m in Soho.’

‘OK. I’ll find somewhere good.’

I could feel the old softening in my tone. I still wanted to amuse him. ‘My expectations are higher these days,’ I said.

‘I guess New York does that to you. I’ll do my best.’

‘OK.’

‘OK.’

So: the saga would continue. I sent a message to Olivia, expressing my displeasure, and ordered Health and Happiness.

It wasn’t that we had ever been rich, or even comfortable, but we hadn’t been poor. The poverty crept into our lives like ivy on a window, slow enough that you don’t notice it moving, and then, in no time, so dense that we couldn’t see outside.