Friend Request(31)

‘Obviously we’re friends again now but Claire can be… difficult, you know? She’s always trying to get one up on me; whatever I’ve done she always has to go one better. Everything’s always on her terms. It was after that Dieppe trip that you and I started to get close, do you remember?’

Of course I remembered. The first time she sat with me at lunch, I was so excited I could barely sleep that night.

‘That’s why I got so upset about you and Maria. I know it’s silly, of course you can be friends with whoever you like. It just felt like it was all happening again, you know? Like I was losing you to her.’

‘You won’t lose me, Sophie. You’re —’ Could I risk this? I took a deep breath. ‘You’re my best friend.’

She pulled me closer to her. ‘Thanks. I know I can always depend on you.’

We walked on, arm in arm, having a real heart to heart; the only thing we didn’t talk about was boys, whether there was anyone we fancied. Maybe Sophie felt it wasn’t the time, that we were going deeper than that; I didn’t ask her because I didn’t want to know the answer. We did talk about our parents though.

‘I know mine love me,’ I said, ‘but they have no idea about what’s really going on in my life. All the time I’m at home, it’s like I’m just marking time, waiting to leave the house and start living again. I don’t feel like they know me at all.’

‘My mum likes to think she’s my best friend,’ Sophie said. Her mum is like an adult version of her, always groomed and glamorous, poised and full of charm. Sophie once told me that she has a weekly appointment at the beauty parlour. I thought with a sudden pang of my mum’s bare face and sensible shoes. She’s probably never been to a beauty parlour in her life. ‘Whatever happens to me,’ Sophie went on, ‘she’s always got a story about how something similar happened to her, and some brilliant advice based on her own experiences. As if I’d take her advice. Look where she’s ended up.’

‘What d’you mean?’

‘Her and my dad are always fighting. They wait till they think I’m asleep usually, but I hear them.’

‘Do you think they’ll get divorced?’

‘I wish they would.’ She laughed. ‘Then I’d get two of everything. Mind you, it doesn’t always work like that. Do you know about Sam Parker’s mum?’

‘No,’ I said, trying not to betray any emotion. ‘What about her?’

‘She just upped and left him and his dad a few years ago. Ran off with some other bloke. Sam hasn’t seen her since.’

‘God, how awful. Poor Sam.’

‘I know. He never mentions her, but you can tell he’s fucked up about it.’

We walked in silence for a few minutes, drinking in the stillness. Every house was in darkness and the cool air smelled crisp and clean, untainted by car fumes or cooking smells. With my arm tucked in hers, it felt like we were the only two people in the world.

As we turned back into Matt’s road, Sophie’s attention was caught by something on the front doorstep of the huge house on the corner.

‘Fancy a cup of tea?’ she said, grinning.

‘What?’ I looked at her in confusion. She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the step. We were nearly at the door when the security light clicked on, bathing us in a harsh yellow light. Sophie snatched the bottle of milk from beside the step and we turned and raced madly towards Matt’s house, breathless and giggling. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so happy in my whole life.

Then the following Monday at school, Sophie invited me to go for a fag with her at morning break. We managed to dodge the teachers and half-ran down the path to the woods. It was totally out of bounds, and I felt really nervous but I didn’t want to look stupid in front of Sophie so I tried not to look behind me. We came right through the little wood behind school and out the other side to the cliffs, which is even more out of bounds. Sophie went right to the edge and sat down on the chalky grass next to a sign saying ‘Keep Back’, dangling her feet over the precipice. I hung back, but she turned and beckoned me over, laughing.

‘Don’t be such a scaredy cat.’

I sat down next to her, the grass scratching the back of my legs, my feet hanging into thin air. I didn’t smoke normally but I took the proffered cigarette she had lit for me. There was a faint print from her lipstick on the filter, and as I drew the smoke down I relished the bitter tang across my tongue and down my throat.

‘We’ve had this idea,’ Sophie said, her eyes on the horizon. ‘Sort of a prank. To play on Maria.’

‘A prank?’ I pulled a tuft of grass loose and scattered the blades over the edge of the cliff. ‘What do you mean?’

‘She’s a bit up herself, don’t you think?’

I didn’t say anything.

‘Well, Claire thinks so, and then there’s all these rumours going around about what a slag she was at her old school, and what she got up to. Have you heard about it?’

‘No.’ I remembered what Sam had told me at Matt’s kitchen table, but that was just gossip surely, blown out of all proportion.

‘It’s some properly gross weird stuff, Louise. Apparently she was sleeping with this boy and she sent him a used tampon in the post. One that had actually been inside her – which was the idea supposedly, like it was meant to turn him on. So Claire had this idea that we could put a used tampon in her bag, for a joke. Not with real blood obviously – we’re going to go up to the art room at lunch and soak one in red paint. I thought you could do it – put it in her bag I mean,’ Sophie went on. ‘You sit behind her in form, don’t you, so it would be easier for you than for anyone else.’