Forgive Me(112)

Bryce pulled away and smiled. “Well, he was supposed to be Dante Lerardi, but Dante was murdered—and guess who took over his persona?”

Angie broke into a smile. “Ivan Stinger Markovich.”

“The one and only. Back where he belongs, in jail,” Bryce said.

“Hot damn. That is great news. I’m so excited to tell Nadine. But I’ll wait until after.”

“Speaking of after, I could use a little nursing, if you know what I mean?”

Angie kissed Bryce tenderly on the cheek. “That’ll have to be later. Nadine asked me to go out with her. She has someplace she wants to take me.”

“Where to?” Bryce asked.

Angie shrugged. “She won’t tell me. She just said she needs my help with something.”





CHAPTER 61




Why did I do it? Why did I make this my life’s mission? I guess I saw too many families like Sarah Winter’s out there, too many people left wondering if their kid was alive or dead. I didn’t want Jade to be like Sarah—a picture hanging on a wall in limbo. Somebody loved Jade, somebody missed her, and I believed somebody wanted her to come home.

I probably should have come clean with Angie from the start, just told her what I wanted her to do, but I was afraid she’d say no. I figured if I took her, and she could see Jade, it would make her think about her friend Sarah, and she’d agree to help even if I couldn’t pay.

That was my plan, anyway.

So mission accomplished. Well, in a way. The big moment happened and it was incredible and incredibly sad. You see, I don’t think there are any real winners and losers here. It’s not like everything is amazeballs now. That’s the conclusion I’ve come to. It’s all just stuff—it’s all just things that have happened. I mean, yes, there are some losers for sure, and I’m happy to report those losers are all in jail where they’re going to be for a long time. But outside of that there’s me, Tasha and the other girls, Angie, my parents, Bryce (aka Angie’s super cute guy), and trust me, there aren’t any real winners and losers in that bunch. There’s just different experiences we can choose to learn from, to grow from, or choose to let define us.

Me personally? I’m choosing to live in the light. And there is a light. I believe in it wholeheartedly. I’m not saying everything happens for a reason, but there’s a reason everything happens. Does that even make sense? Ha! I mean, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t think I got trafficked so I could get Angie to the Lowery Motel on St. Paul Street in Baltimore. That’s where Jade lived. That’s where Buggy and Casper dumped her when she wasn’t useful to them anymore. The Lowery is like my apartment-prison in Baltimore, only way grosser. Waaaay grosser.

On my way upstairs with Angie I kept asking myself, how did this happen? How did I end up here? I don’t think God ever said, put Nadine through hell so that she may one day do this one kind thing for someone else. I think God loves me and wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. But I don’t think God controls it all either. Like there isn’t a big book where every movement, every single thing that’s said and done by every living creature is completely spelled out. Imagine how big that book would be! On this day, Nadine shall leave her shoes in the front of a closet and it is written her mother will be half-cocked as usual and she shall trip over those shoes. No way! That’s just not realistic (IMHO).

Like I said, things don’t happen for a reason, but there’s a reason things happen. I wasn’t destined to meet Jade, I don’t think. But I met her because I ran away from home and because she was addicted to drugs and had to feed her habit any way she could. And Angie? Well, she’s in the picture because my mom wanted to find me, so she got the best person for the job. And I wanted to help Jade find her family, so I got the best person for the job, too. Like I said, there’s a reason things happen. So there I was on the third floor of this disgusting motel holding Angie’s hand.

Before we went in, I told Angie what this mission was all about. I figured she might be mad, but she wasn’t. She hugged me and told me I was a good person for even trying, and that she’d be happy to help pro bono (which means free). She also told me I could have been upfront with her from the start and she would have come because it was important to me. She’s cool like that.

But then Angie told me not to get my hopes up. She said drugs are hard and they make people do and act in ways that aren’t good for them (tell me about it!). She warned me not to expect a miracle. I told her I’d only expect nothing if I didn’t try for one.

I’d called the manager ahead of time so I knew Jade would be at home. The manager told me Jade didn’t leave her place until dark. That’s when she worked the streets. That was Jade’s life and it was a hard one. The old me wouldn’t understand how hard. The new me understood it more than I wished to know.

Angie knocked on the door and we waited. We heard footsteps. Then the doorknob turned. And then door opened and I froze and so did Jade. We looked at each other for the longest time. Tears came to Jade’s eyes, and then to mine. Jade kept saying, Jessica, is that you? Is it really you? I had to say, yeah but I’m really Nadine because she remembered me as someone else. Jade looked like I expected her to look. The street isn’t where you go to get your young on. I introduced her to Angie and I told her Angie would help her reconnect with her family. She was good at that.