Flock (The Ravenhood Duet #1)(41)
Sean was wrong. Dominic was wrong. I am taking up for myself.
I’ve lived through two bad examples and know enough to see the warning signs.
Some part of me thinks that my sickly heart was inherited, coded in my genes. Not only that, but I’ve also watched my mom fall in and out over the years with the same sort of reckless regard for her own well-being, always one-upping her last disaster with a bigger one and hoping for the biggest payoff.
It’s only since she started dating her latest boyfriend that she’s calmed that part of herself. But inside, I know she’s never gotten that payoff. She struggled for years to find a man to give her those feelings but instead settled. She gave up, and we both know it.
Even though I vowed to be different from my mother in the way I live my life, we have the same disease. We crave the all-consuming, soul-stealing, drama-filled romances that are destined to end badly. I inherited my heart from her, and it’s relentless.
Though I’m fearful, I can’t give up. Finding love is the mecca of what I dream for myself. I have other dreams, dreams enough to hold me. A fulfilling career is a no-brainer but finding that once-in-a-lifetime love is non-negotiable. While my life has been riddled with shitty examples, I still believe it exists.
My greatest hope is to be in all-consuming love. My biggest fear is to be in all-consuming love.
Sean brought out that thirsty girl, only to dry her hopes in the next breath.
Some part of me already knows falling for Sean will end badly. I feel way too much already—way too much for just a month.
But isn’t that what I want?
Maybe for now, I should just listen to the voice of reason in my head, instead of the addict in my heart. The voice that tells me there are relationships out there filled with just as much passion that don’t have to result in bloodletting.
The truth is, taking this stance has been hell. I miss him horribly.
But I’ll stand on principle because to hell with playing the fool. Sean was right in another sense. If I don’t stick up for myself early, I’m setting a low bar.
So mad I’ll remain.
Fucking men.
I stab at my food, my mood shit as I glare at the side of Roman’s head.
Lamb chops with mint sauce and rosemary potatoes. It’s the most pretentious dinner I can think of. I hate lamb. Roman returns my gaze, unflinching as I stare at him with his own arctic eyes. He’s handsome as far as older men go, and for a second, I wonder what he looked like when my mother met him. Was he as charming as Sean, just as disarming? Did he play the game of trust me before he hurt her? Or did his cold exterior only intrigue her to the point she couldn’t resist him? She’s never told me the details of their story, even though I’ve asked multiple times. She refuses to visit that part of her life, and I assume because it’s painful. If being his daughter is this uncomfortable, I can only imagine what being the woman in his life was like.
“Is there something wrong with your food, Cecelia?”
“I don’t like lamb.”
“You liked it when you were younger.”
“I tolerated it to please you.”
“I see we aren’t in the business of pleasing our father anymore.”
“I’ve grown up. I prefer to eat what I enjoy.”
Roman cuts his chop, dipping it in the green goo before he hesitates. “Cecelia, I’m aware I’ve missed a lot—”
“Eight years,” I wipe my mouth. “Forgive me if I’m wondering what the hell I’m doing here.”
“You’re in a mood tonight.”
“I’m curious.”
“I see.” His wrists rest on the edge of the table. His cutlery posed just so. The ritual makes me sick. We aren’t a family. I’m a part of his corporation.
“You’re part of my legacy. You are my only child.” No apologies for the years he’s missed. No excuses for his extended absence. Simplistic answers with no emotion behind them. I can’t even imagine Roman being intimate with anyone. Mom must have had a field day loving this bastard.
“We were discussing your parents last time we talked. Did you grow up wealthy?”
He frowns. “Somewhat.”
“Define somewhat.”
“My mother had a fair amount of money she inherited when she married my father. But they squandered their small fortune away instead of growing it and died penniless. That’s where they made their mistake.”
“Were you close?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“They were not affectionate people and do refrain from any rude comments. I’m aware some consider that a shortcoming.”
“Only people with a pulse.”
He chews his food slowly and looks at me pointedly. “My blood is red, I assure you. It’s the same blood that runs through your veins.”
“I’m nothing like you.”
“You have one sharp tongue.”
“Don’t pretend to care, Roman. Why make me a part of all this at the last minute if you really didn’t want me in your life? Why give me anything at all, if you could just write a check and be done with me?”
He slowly lifts his tumbler to his lips and takes a sip. “Maybe I have regrets on how I handled things with you.”
“Maybe?”