Finding Our Forever (Silver Springs #1)(18)

“Because...”

For the first time her confidence seemed to waver. “I don’t know. It doesn’t make sense. I... I felt something I didn’t want to feel. And I panicked.”

He was so astounded by her honesty he wasn’t sure how to respond. So he went with the obvious—what he’d been using to warn himself off since she’d arrived in Silver Springs. “I’m your boss, Cora.”

“That’s what’s holding you back? Professional integrity?”

“One of the things, yes. This school—the boys here—are important to me.”

“One doesn’t necessarily cancel out the other.”

“I hired you because I thought you’d be the best teacher for the job.” He’d also thought he’d be able to ignore how alive he felt whenever he was around her, but he’d never expected her to confront him so directly. That forced the issue out in the open, made the attraction more difficult to ignore. “I’m sure my mother wouldn’t thank me for giving her new art instructor reason to quit and leave.”

That brief moment of insecurity he’d noted before seemed to fall by the wayside. “You’re sure dating me would go in that direction?”

His ex-girlfriend said he walled himself off, refused to give anything emotionally. And she probably had the right of it. The shrink Aiyana used to send him to said a lot of the same stuff. Dr. Anderson told him he needed to learn how to open up, which sounded good in theory but he couldn’t figure out how. He’d finally refused to continue therapy. He wanted to close the door on his past and make sure it was never opened again, not rehash those painful memories.

“It’s not like I’ve never been down this road,” he said. “I’ve been in a number of relationships. Enough to know my limitations.”

“All those relationships ended badly?”

He’d been taught to believe he was so terrible, so unacceptable, that he’d been painfully shy around girls growing up. He hadn’t even started dating until he was twenty, and he’d only had three fairly serious—and fairly short—relationships since. “Let’s just say...I don’t have a high success ratio when it comes to women.”

“You and Aiyana are very close.”

“That’s different.”

“Love is love. You had to decide to trust her at some point.”

“Not everyone has her patience,” he said. “She was so determined to love me, I had no choice.”

“And those other women?”

The scent of her perfume rose to his nostrils. He liked the way she smelled, wanted to touch all that soft-looking skin. The temptation to slide his hand up her shirt burned through him like hard liquor. “As I said, it’s not the same thing.”

“Because it involves physical intimacy? What, exactly, are your ‘limitations’? Are you saying you can’t have sex?”

He was pretty sure she was goading him. At least, he hoped she was, that she didn’t really believe he was incapable. Either way, he was eager to put the question to rest. “My body works fine. It’s my inability to make you feel loved and ‘validated.’ I think that was the word.”

“So I’d only get hurt if I got involved with you.”

“Yes. You’d essentially be getting a locked box.”

He was being transparent, completely up front. She was the one who’d set that tone. So it surprised him when she barked out a laugh. “You think you’re doing me a favor by staying away!”

He was trying to adhere to the decisions he’d made after that last ugly blowout with Tina. He’d been glad for the peace and balance he’d found since they broke up a year ago. But twelve months was a long time to go without a woman... “Essentially.”

“Well, you’re taking a lot for granted, Mr. Turner. First of all, how do you know I’m going to want you to love me?”

“Experience,” he said wryly. “I have yet to encounter the opposite problem.”

“You’re in such high demand that you’ve grown arrogant?”

“Failure hardly makes me arrogant. It does, however, make me want to avoid running into the same brick wall.”

“I see. Well, you don’t have to look out for me. I’m a big girl.”

“Which, of course, you’ll say until our relationship doesn’t progress. Then you’ll quit your job and go back to LA.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m only here for one year. No matter what happens, I’m not going to quit my job.”

Was she as resilient as she pretended? He couldn’t help getting his hopes up. He was already starting to imagine her on her back, her hair falling across his pillow... “Then you have a decision to make.”

“What kind of decision?”

“Are you up for a strictly physical relationship? Because if that’s all you’re after, I’d be happy to accommodate you. I have no doubt I could satisfy you there.”

She studied him. “That’s all you’re interested in?”

“Yes. I’m sorry.” He wasn’t about to go down the same road he’d been down before. But he wasn’t sure why he was apologizing, since she sounded almost...relieved by this news.