Fight or Flight(51)
“Aye, I am. Dinnae worry yourself on that account.” He threw me a sardonic look as he began to round the desk.
I backed up a little, stumbling against my chair as he stopped beside me and then planted his big body on my desk. The action brought us face-to-face and his familiar scent triggered a wave of intense longing and need.
Seriously, I was officially addicted to him.
However, he wasn’t looking at me like a man who planned to seduce me in my office, which frankly relieved me, because that kind of unprofessional behavior was the exact kind of thing my parents would have done. Not me.
“So talk.” I crossed my arms over my chest, pretending I was unaffected by his presence.
Caleb studied me a little longer until I was almost squirming, and then he said, “Sometimes in my work, honesty is a commodity you can’t afford. I try my best tae be vague rather than downright dishonest, but I do what I have tae for the good of the company as long as the white lies dinnae hurt anybody.”
I frowned at this surprising lead. “Okay.”
His gaze sharpened, those ice eyes holding me captive. “But I dinnae like it. You said something last night … about how we all have flaws. How you have flaws. You just admitted it, no big deal. Some people can’t admit their shortcomings, you know that.”
I snorted. “Yeah, I’m aware of that, believe me.”
“I can. But honesty isn’t one of them. I’ve been told I can be honest tae a fault.”
I believed it. “You can be pretty blunt sometimes, yes.”
“Aye.” He seemed to deliberate for a second and then sighed. “I’m not used tae being around one woman long enough for honesty tae become a problem. I’m up front from the start that it’s just sex. We have sex. One of us goes home, end of story.”
A sharp, burning tightness spread across my chest in a flash of horrible intensity and I fought to mask the bolt of jealousy I felt. I apparently did not like the thought of Caleb with other women.
Wonderful.
“You’re telling me this why?”
Caleb’s expression softened a little. “This is just physical, like we agreed.”
I nodded because I couldn’t bring myself to outright lie to him.
“And I know not too long ago we didn’t like each other much.”
Whatever this conversation was, I wanted it to end because I had a feeling he was going to hurt me again. “Caleb, if this is about last night and Patrice offering up information about me—”
“I like you,” he cut me off. The words were sweet but said in an annoyed growl.
“Oh.” Something like hope began to blossom inside of me. And that confused the hell out of me—since when did I want anything meaningful with a guy?
“There’s a lot tae like, Ava. From what I can see so far, you aren’t at all what I expected.”
I smiled. “Thank you, I think.”
Caleb didn’t smile. “I think maybe you like me a little bit too.”
If he could be honest, then so could I. “I do.”
“But this is still just sex.”
His words cut right through my hope and I did my damn best to hide it. “I—I never said it wasn’t.”
“Last night I sent you home when I wanted you in my bed. I worried we were crossing a line at dinner.”
“I was worried about that too. But I never thought anything had changed between us.”
“Good. Here’s the thing … I enjoy you. I want tae enjoy you for the next week, and I’d quite like tae be able tae do it freely without worrying that if we have an actual conversation that I’m sending you the wrong message.”
Understanding dawned and I clarified, “You want us to just enjoy each other but doing so fully understanding what this is.”
“Exactly.” He stood up, towering over me, and I had to tilt my head to keep a hold of his gaze. “I dinnae believe in mind games or keeping a woman guessing where my head is at. That isn’t me. So this is where my head is at. Even if there wasn’t an actual ocean between us, I’m not a relationship kind of guy. I never will be. But I genuinely like you, and I dinnae mind us having a friendship between us if you dinnae. As long as we both know that is all this is.”
His honesty was startling. The words coming out of his mouth were both reassuring and horrifying because they only made what I was beginning to feel for him more intense.
Caleb made me feel safe.
I felt like I might be able to trust him in a way I’d never dared to hope I could trust a guy again.
And he was telling me that he just wanted to be friends with benefits.
What the hell was I supposed to do now?
If I didn’t agree, he’d walk out of here and I’d never see him again. But I’d be in control of my life again.
Yet … wouldn’t I look back on my life and regret that decision? Wasn’t it better to enjoy what we had now while we could? Life was short after all. And Harper was right. I was never really in control of my life. I was letting my parents and the past dictate and control my decisions every time I tried to keep my life safe and conservative and restrained.
I stared up into Caleb’s rugged face, at those lips that made me feel things no man ever had. And I couldn’t imagine not having at least one more taste. “It sounds good to me,” I whispered, feeling my body begin to light up.