Fifty Words for Rain(118)

She pulled out a red pen and crossed it off the list. Other arrangements would have to be made for the girls, but there was no question of her profiting off the desperation of poor young women and the depravity of selfish men.

Her grandmother summoned her every day now.

Though Nori dreaded the trips to the shadowy room that smelled of death, a secret part of her was fascinated by the world unfolding before her. It was more than she could have dreamed of. Like a horse with its blinders removed, she could suddenly see the world she had been born into.

She sat on a little stool close to the bed and listened. Yuko certainly had a lot to say.

“And when you speak with your advisors, you must make it clear that you have the final say. You must keep your heel on their necks. You’re a woman, they won’t like it, but they don’t need to like it. Or you.”

“But don’t I want people to like me?” Nori ventured.

“No,” Yuko snapped. “You can be charming, you can shine before them like a holy icon, but they don’t need to like you. It’s more important that they respect you.”

Nori shifted in her seat. Even now, she was unsure that a girl who had been born and bred to obey could command.

“And you can’t show that kind heart of yours,” Yuko went on. “It won’t serve you. You’ll end up strangled in a ditch. There are too many who will want your place and who will resent you, for being a woman, for being born so low and rising so high.”

“But you ruled,” Nori said, “though you are a woman.”

Ruthlessly, she thought but did not say.

Yuko smirked. Her skin was deathly white, but her eyes were blazing.

“You think I’m a monster,” she said. “And I imagine to you I am. But when you are in my place, you will understand. I was a girl when I came to power, younger than you, with a bad-tempered husband, but I did not shrink quietly back and allow him to rule me. I did not submit to the countless men who tried to bend me to their will. I was smarter than all of them, and slowly, I clawed my way to their respect. I was a beautiful blossom, but I had thorns. You will learn. You will understand me better after I am dead. You are a mother now—to a child and to a dynasty. You will see what you will do to protect the things you love. You will be horrified by what you’ll do. And you will do it anyway.”

Nori shook her head. “I will never be like you.”

“Then you will fall,” Yuko said simply.

Nori stood up. “I will not fall,” she said quietly. “For you are not the only example I have set before me. I do learn from you—you’re right—but I knew someone who was kind but firm. Who was honest but kept his own counsel. Who was clever and wise beyond his years. Who understood that it is the future, not the past, that we must look to if we are to survive. So you see, Obaasama, quite by accident, I been molded for this new destiny of mine.”

But not by you.

Yuko narrowed her eyes. “You’re going to have to be strong. It takes strength to lead.”

“It takes strength to survive,” Nori corrected her calmly. “And if nothing else, Grandmother, you have taught me that.”

Her grandmother smiled wryly. Her fire was flickering out. She leaned back against her pillows and closed her eyes.

“There can only be one ruler,” she said. “If it’s not you, it’s someone planning to destroy you. Remember that.”

Nori nodded.

“Now, leave me,” her grandmother breathed. “I need to sleep. I feel a long sleep coming.”

Nori bowed. “I have one last question, Obaasama.”

Yuko made a wheezing noise to indicate that she was listening.

“Do you have any regrets?”

The question hung in the air for a long moment.

Her grandmother turned her face away. “Many,” she said quietly. “And none.”

Nori felt frustration seize her. There was a lifetime of things to say and not nearly enough time.

“I don’t understand.”

“You will,” her grandmother said, and the way she said it, it sounded like a curse. “You will, Nori.”



* * *





Nori told no one of her plans to close the brothel. No one needed to know her plans. Least of all her grandmother.

In a little while, she would be free to do as she wished. There was no need to taunt a dying woman.

There was no honor in it.

And, oddly enough, she found that she pitied Yuko Kamiza more than she hated her. When her grandmother died, her death would leave a gaping black hole in Nori’s world. There would be no one to guide her on this new path. She would be alone.

It had been years since anyone had seen her mother. Though everyone had given her up for dead, Yuko had still agreed to send three search parties after her. The trail was cold, and the odds were slim, but Nori had to try.

She had no peace at all in the days anymore. Everyone needed something from her. She supposed this was what the rest of her life would look like.

Akiko was fitting her for a new gown for a state banquet. The maid hummed as she nipped off a stitch of thread.

“And we must get the jewels out of the vault to see what suits your gown. Your grandmother has made it quite clear she wants you to shine.” Akiko lowered her voice. “I believe there will be a gentleman there she has made overtures to for your hand in marriage. I think she hopes he will find you pleasing.”