Falling into You (Falling #1)(68)
His head lifts and our eyes lock.
“Yes…yes…now,” I say. “Give it all to me, right now.”
This drives him wild, and he crashes into me, rough and hard and uncontrolled. It’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced, this primal force of a man lost in the throes of ecstasy, crashing into me. He pounds furiously, driving deep, and I dig my fingers into his flesh and his hair, jerk him harder with my legs, feeling my own climax wash over me.
His rhythm falters, stutters, and then he’s flexed, every muscle taut as bowstring, buried deep. He pulls back slowly, drawing himself out, and then crashes deep, a second time, a third, and then he goes limp on top of me, his huge weight crushing me wonderfully.
I stroke his back in slow, soothing circles, kiss his shoulder, the shell of his ear, his temple. I smooth my hands down his spine, caress his ass, then trace up his sides, memorizing the feel of his muscles, the way his body feels on mine.
He shifts. “I must be crushing you.”
I hold him in place. “No, don’t move. I like it. You’re fine. I love feeling you like this.”
His face is nuzzled into the hollow of my neck and chin, his breathing slow and steady. I’ve never, ever felt such complete contentment as in this moment. I’m sated, I’m happy. I’m throbbing and tingling all over, flushed with ecstasy, overwhelmed and full in my heart, mind, body and soul.
And then it hits me. We’ve both been using the phrase “I love this,” or “I love it when you…” and that’s a socially acceptable phrase for something you really enjoy. But…the truth is, I think we both mean it in the deeper sense. I know I do.
I wouldn’t change this moment for anything. And I certainly would never give up having this with Colton. I want to experience this again and again, as much as possible. I feel closer to Colton in this moment than I have anyone before. This thought brings up a wave of guilt, but I push it away.
“What are you thinking, Nelly-baby?” Colton rolls with me, and now I’m lying nearly on top of him.
I throw my thigh over his leg and roam his torso with a hand, my hair spread beneath me and over his chest. “I’m thinking this is the best moment of my life. Honestly. I feel closer to you right now than anyone…ever. I’m thinking…I want to experience moments like this with you forever.” I suck in a deep breath and let it out, then take the plunge. “I’m struggling with feeling guilty over that, because of everything we talked about regarding your brother, but—it’s just the truth. I’m closer to you now than I ever was him. I don’t know why that is. It hurts, it’s confusing. I know I loved him. I did. But…somehow I’m just—things with you and me are just…more. I don’t know.”
He strokes my hair, smoothes it over my head. “I get it. I feel the same way. I know I loved India. But this with you? It’s like…so much more it’s almost a completely different kind of thing.”
I shift and tilt my head so I’m looking into his eyes. “I’m falling in love with you, Colton. I don’t know if it’s too soon to say that to you, but…it’s true. It’s scary, because I don’t know if everybody is going to understand, but I don’t care right now. I just have to say it to you, because—just because.”
He draws me up to him and kisses me, his palm huge against my cheek. I feel so tiny against him, like I could curl up against him and disappear.
“It’s not too soon. I was gonna say the same thing, but you beat me to it.”
I smile. “Say it anyway. Please?”
He takes a deep breath and lets it out, examining my face almost idly, obviously composing his thoughts.
“I’m not just falling in love with you, Nell. I’m falling into you. You’re an ocean, and I’m falling in, drowning in the depths of who you are. Like you said, it’s scary in a way, but it’s also the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. You are the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced.”
For the first time since Kyle died, I find myself crying happy tears. I’d forgotten what those were.
Chapter 12: Feel You Bare
I wake to guitar chords and Colton’s voice. It’s faint, filtering to me from far away. He’s on the roof. I wipe the sleep and the tangled curls from my eyes, swing my legs out of his bed—our bed?—and slip on a clean T-shirt from a laundry basket on the floor. It’s still dark out, but as I climb the creaking stairs to the roof, guitar in hand, I see slices of gray on the horizon between high-rises and apartment blocks. An hour or two before dawn, then.
Colton is in his chair, wearing loose track pants and a ripped and ragged gray Champion hoodie, the hood drawn down over his brows, a tangle of black hair sweeping across his brow. His legs are kicked up, bare heels propped on the ledge. His eyes are closed, guitar on his belly, fingers picking a slow, sweet tune that reminds me of something by City & Colour, but isn’t. He’s singing softly, his face twisting and brows knotting as he hits high notes, his expressions communicating the intensity of his feelings as he sings. A mug of coffee sits on the floor next him, within reach, steaming, and a huge thermos is also nearby so he can refill it. I sit on the ledge, feet on the stairs, watching, listening. I can’t quite follow the words he’s singing, since he’s kind of mumbling and singing softly. Every once in a while, he stops, backs up a few chords and adjusts the melody or phrasing.