Every Wrong Reason(15)

I couldn’t explain my behavior.

This man didn’t get to have access to my heart after everything we’d been through.

After everything we were going to go through.

When I realized what I was doing, how often I checked my cell and how far my heart sank each day he didn’t call, I had temporarily contemplated checking myself into rehab.

Did they have rehab for bad relationships?

Was there an AA meeting for being addicted to the wrong men?

There should be.

“Ms. C, I need to go to the bathroom.”

I whirled around from my position at the whiteboard, my marker held aloft. “You’ve already been, Jay. Twice.”

Jay Allen’s eyes narrowed and his lips curled with a knowing smirk. This was the second class I’d had with Jay. The first time I’d had him in class was two years ago as a freshman. He had been difficult to handle then, but nothing compared to the swagger he carried in his junior year.

He ran a hand over his shaved head and his eyes glinted with the promise of torture. “Bad Taco Bell.” His large hand dropped to his stomach where he rubbed it dramatically. “I’ve got the shits.”

I swallowed down pure, raw frustration as the rest of the class laughed and threw crass insults at him. This was what he did. Although it was very possible Taco Bell did give him the shits-we’d all been there. But this was his regular MO. He wanted to rile up my classroom until it was complete chaos.

He didn’t like me and I barely tolerated him. He had been a nuisance two years ago, but this year he had declared war on the first day when I asked him to be quiet and he had asked me if I was on my period. In front of the entire class.

His exact words were, “Damn, Teach, you on the rag? Why you so worked up? We just chillin’.”

I had made him write “Excuse me, Mrs. Carter, are you feeling okay? You seem upset. I’m sorry for interrupting you,” five hundred times as a graded essay.

He’d given me hell ever since.

“Fine, Mr. Allen, go to the restroom and take care of your… bowel issues.” The class broke into hysterics again.

Jay flashed me a wide, toothy smile. He jumped from his seat and sauntered through the narrow aisles. He dropped two fingers on the edge of Keira Williams’s desk and tapped twice. Keira sank down in her chair, a silly grin on her face.

I watched her while Jay grabbed the bathroom pass and left the room with as much noise and commotion as he was capable of. Keira glanced at the door, that happy smile still on her face.

She turned back to me and tentatively raised her hand.

Apparently, these kids thought I was an idiot.

“Yes, Keira?”

“I need to go to the bathroom too,” she said shyly.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and give her a lecture on how love isn’t real; it’s only something our imaginations make up to make our libido feel better about itself in the morning.

Unfortunately, I didn’t think the school board would appreciate that particular truth bomb.

“Let me guess, you had Taco Bell for lunch too?” I immediately regretted the snide tone to my voice when Keira’s eyes went huge with embarrassment and she tried to melt into her chair.

I realized too late that even though her horny teenage hormones had no place at school, it wasn’t my responsibility to warn her off men. I was only responsible until graduation.

“No,” she answered quickly.

Damn high school girls and their low self-esteems. “I’m sorry, Keira,” I told her with real remorse. “But you’ll have to wait until Jay comes back.”

She looked at the door longingly and I watched disappointment pull her features.

Had she really thought I’d let her leave for a mid-period hookup in the bathroom? I looked back at the whiteboard and contemplated giving up my lecture on dangling participles and replacing it with one on self-respect.

A skeezy tryst in the old boy’s locker room wasn’t going to do anything but give her athlete’s foot and a reason to feel shame.

I hated that she wanted that for herself. I hated that Jay expected it from her.

Jay eventually came back looking impatient and aggravated. He shot Keira a look that I did not miss. She shrugged apologetically, but there was nothing she could do. The teacher had spoken.

The rest of class went by without incident, but I could feel Jay’s angered glare as the minutes ticked by. As frustrated as I felt with him, his simmering anger got under my skin.

Fear fluttered in my chest and coiled in my stomach. This kid might be thirteen years younger than me, but he was bigger, taller, and he had more muscle than I could ever dream of.

I rationalized that he would retaliate in a way that drove me crazy, but wouldn’t physically harm me. He wasn’t stupid. He was too smart for his own good.

But rationalizing didn’t help.

I breathed out slowly when the bell finally rang. Loud laughter and chatter filled up the once quiet space but faded as the students filtered into the hall.

Jay lingered behind. I could see Keira waiting for him in the hallway, but he wasn’t in a hurry to catch up to her.

“You’re ruining my game, Ms. C.”

“You’re ruining my class, Mr. Allen.” I tilted my chin in a display of confidence I did not feel.

His deep brown eyes narrowed. “I didn’t think you were this kind of teacher.”