Every Single Secret(61)

“Hold on.” He kept a tight grip on me. “It’s just dinner. He can wait.” He folded me into a hug. “You scared me, Daph. I didn’t understand what you told Cerny or why you hadn’t ever said anything about it before. It made me feel . . . it made me worry I might never get to the bottom of whatever is going on with me.”

I pressed my face against his shoulder, guilt flooding me. “It was shitty of me. I’m sorry.”

“I just need to feel you for a second.”

He tightened his arms around me, but all I could think was that I was missing my chance to see Glenys answer Luca’s knock on her door. If she answered it at all. When Heath finally let go, I opened the door. Our dinner tray was the only one in the hall.

“Goddammit,” I said under my breath.

“What?” Heath said behind me. I picked up the tray and scooted around him.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.”

In the room, I lifted the cover on my plate to find fragrant shrimp and quinoa and slender asparagus. Heath moved to fill my glass with wine, but I put my hand over it to stop him. I couldn’t afford to mix alcohol with whatever I’d ingested, especially if I intended to keep looking for Glenys tonight. Heath poured himself a healthy serving, then forked violently into a slice of coconut cake. I watched him with raised eyebrows.

“Dessert for dinner?”

“Long day,” he grumbled through a mouthful.

I went at my shrimp, feeling belligerent. “So you really think Glenys is okay?”

“I don’t see any reason to think otherwise.”

“If I could just call her or text her or something . . .” I shut my mouth abruptly. A kernel of an idea had just broken open in my mind. A way to get word to somebody that didn’t necessitate Wi-Fi or cell networks. I tucked the idea away for the time being. I’d need to wait until I was alone. “I just hope she’s okay, that’s all.”

“Do you have any reason to think she wouldn’t be?”

“No. Not specifically. She’s been having a hard time about some things in her life.”

“Like what?”

“She lost her son.”

“Lost him?”

“He died.”

Heath absorbed this. Dropped his napkin. He hadn’t eaten any more than a few bites of the cake. “How did it happen?” His voice was calm but he was watching me intently.

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask.”

“Weren’t you curious?”

I shifted uncomfortably. “Not necessarily.”

He met my gaze. “Everybody’s curious about death—how it happens, what it feels like.”

“I guess.”

“Doesn’t a small part of you wish you could’ve been there at the bottom of the cliff at the moment Chantal died? At the exact moment her spirit left her body?”

“Are you serious?” I stared at him.

“I’m just being honest, Daphne. It doesn’t make you a bad person to admit you have a touch of darkness inside you. We’re all just hanging out together, here in the morally ambiguous quagmire. You don’t need to be afraid of the darkness in yourself. Or in me. We’re in this together, right?”

“Right,” I said. Because that was what I always said. But this time I didn’t feel it. In fact, I felt more alone than ever right now. Our favorite phrase, always us—what did it actually mean? Would we really always be us? Always the same? Always together?

We finished our meal in silence. I left the tray outside our door. The hallway was deserted. No people, no trays, even, but the pocket door leading to Dr. Cerny’s suite was half-opened. I leaned out, peering into the darkness beyond. I couldn’t see a thing. It would only take a few seconds to run up the small stairs to the attic and check on Glenys on the monitors.

“Come to bed.” In the open doorway, Heath’s hand settled on my shoulder. The other one snaked under my sweatshirt and around my bare waist. I tensed. When I turned, his face was tilted toward me, so close that I could smell the wine on his breath.

“What about if something happened to her on the mountain?” I said. “What if she’s lost? Or hurt?”

“Cerny’s a doctor. He’s not gunning for a lawsuit, I promise you that.”

I thought of Jessica Kyung’s card. Her clipped voice on the phone. I would encourage you to go to our site.

“I’m sure your friend is fine.” His fingers traced the outline of my ribs. “Come to bed. We don’t have to do anything. I’ll give you a back rub.”

I let him lead me back into the room. He lifted my sweatshirt over my head, then I stretched out on the comforter. He lay down beside me, molding his body to mine. He planted one kiss on my temple, but nothing more, then started kneading my knotted shoulders. I closed my eyes.

I could feel my tension lifting, feel myself drifting. When I looked through the windows, the light outside had gone dusky purple, and Heath’s hand had slowed to a tickle that traveled the curve of my neck. I was so blissed out by the pill, the food, and his expert touch, I knew I wasn’t going to get up. I closed my eyes again, telling my body to wake up at ten.

My internal clock must’ve been in good working order, because I woke at 9:58. I scrubbed away the grit in my eyes, letting them get adjusted to the dark. Only two minutes until the cameras went down. Perfect. I slipped out from under Heath’s arm and snagged a small pad and pen from my purse.