Every Last Fear(5)

Dr. Silverstein offered a sad smile.

Evan continued. “Tommy, well, he’s just too young to understand. And Liv shelters him from it all.” Shortly after Danny’s arrest, Liv learned she was pregnant—having a baby at “advanced maternal age,” as the doctor diplomatically put it. Unplanned and with the worst timing in the world, but somehow the pregnancy and that little boy saved them, especially Liv.

Silverstein waited a long moment. Another psychologist trick. Let the patient fill the silence.

When Evan didn’t bite, Silverstein finally asked: “And Matthew?”

Evan looked at the floor. “We still haven’t talked.”

“So it’s been what, four months?” Her tone was matter-of-fact, not judgmental.

Evan nodded, folded his arms. He didn’t want to elaborate, and was surprised when Dr. Silverstein didn’t push it.

She looked at Evan thoughtfully. “Sometimes,” she said, “after a traumatic event—and in its own way I think this court decision was its own trauma—it can be good for a family to reset. To spend time away from your usual surroundings. Have fun, even.”

“You mean like a vacation?” Evan said, trying to hide the what the fuck tone in his voice.

“Maybe. Or just some time away together. As a family.”

“I’d love to, but we really can’t do it—financially, I mean.” He blew out a breath, deciding he might as well get his money’s worth for the session. “They let me go.”

“Who?” Silverstein said, her voice concerned. “You mean your job?”

“Yep. Twenty-five years, and poof.” He made an explosion gesture with his hands.

“What happened?” Dr. Silverstein’s eyes flicked to the grandfather clock, like she was worried she’d need more time now.

“The inevitable.”

“What do you mean by that, Evan?” She was leaning forward in her chair, fingers laced, full eye contact.

“I mean, I don’t blame them. It’s a big accounting firm, and my billable hours have been terrible, particularly since I transferred to the Chicago office. I lost my main client six months ago. And let’s face it: the show.”

“You mean the documentary?”

Evan tried not to lose his patience, but what other show could it possibly be? The reason anyone knew or cared about Danny Pine. The reason the Supreme Court’s refusal to review Danny’s life sentence made national news. The reason Evan had tricked himself into thinking his son would come home after seven long years. The pop-culture phenom “A Violent Nature.”

“Yeah,” Evan said, “you’ve seen it, right?”

“I’ve seen it, yes.”

“Well, you know then.”

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“I came off like a lunatic.”

“No.”

Evan gave her a disappointed look.

“I think you came off like a father devastated about his son being wrongfully imprisoned for murder.”

“And a lunatic.”

She didn’t answer. But she agreed. He could see it in her eyes.

She mercifully stayed away from the questions that had haunted him for the past week. What are you going to do for money? How will you pay the mortgage? Maggie’s tuition?

“Are you okay?”

Evan sat back, exhaled loudly. “It’s funny, when I got the call that the court denied Danny’s appeal, I was listening to a Linkin Park song—one released shortly before the singer died. Over the years, his songs had become less angry, more melancholy.” Evan swallowed over the lump in his throat. He could feel Dr. Silverstein scrutinizing him. “The song said something about no one caring if a single star burned out in a sky of a million stars.”

Silverstein narrowed her eyes. “The singer of this band,” she said, “how did he die?”

“Suicide,” Evan said. The word hung in the air.

“Evan,” Silverstein finally said, her voice serious, “are you—”

“Of course not.”

Dr. Silverstein leaned in closer. “The medications you’re on,” she said, her tone softer, “in some people they can cause intrusive thoughts.”

“Don’t forget the fatigue, sexual problems, and insomnia—all really helpful for someone who’s already depressed.”

Dr. Silverstein bunched up her face. “I appreciate the humor, but I’m being serious. The medications can cause suicidal thoughts. The meds can trick a patient into thinking there’s only one solution.”

Or maybe they cause the patient to finally see the truth.

“You’ve got nothing to worry about, Dr. Silverstein,” Evan said. “I’m fine.”

By her expression, Evan could tell she didn’t believe him.

Like he said, she was a good therapist.





Excerpt from

A Violent Nature

Season 1/Episode 1

“A Body at the Creek”

OVER BLACK - 9-1-1 RECORDING

OPERATOR

9-1-1 operator, what’s your emergency?

CALLER

(breathing heavily)

I’m at Stone Creek, walking my dog. And there’s a body—I, I, I think it’s a girl.