Every Breath(51)

He turned away, unable to face her. He’d always believed that anything was possible when it came to love, that any obstacle could be overcome. Wasn’t that a truth that nearly everyone took for granted? As he struggled with the implacability of what Hope had just said, she hugged her arms to her body.

“It makes me hate myself,” she cried, her voice cracking. “That there’s this part of me that needs to have a baby. I wish I could imagine a life without a child, but I can’t. I know it would be possible to adopt, and now there’s even amazing medical technology, but…” She shook her head and let out a long breath. “It just wouldn’t be the same. I hate that this is true for me, but it is.”

For a long time neither of them spoke, both of them staring at the waves. Finally, Hope said in a ragged voice, “I never want to think to myself that I gave up my dream for you. I never want to have a reason to resent you…the thought terrifies me.” She shook her head. “I know how selfish I sound, how much I’m hurting you. But please don’t ask me to go with you, because I will.”

He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it. “You’re not selfish,” he said.

“But you despise me.”

“Never.”

He drew her into his arms, pulling her close. “I’ll always love you. There’s nothing you can ever do or say that will take that away.”

Hope shook her head, trying and failing to keep the tears from spilling out.

“There’s something else,” she said, her voice thick as she began to cry in earnest. “Something I haven’t told you.”

Inwardly, he braced himself. Somehow he knew what she was going to say.

“Josh asked me to marry him last night,” Hope said. “He told me he’s ready to start a family.”

Tru said nothing. Instead, feeling dizzy, he slumped in her arms, as if his limbs had turned to lead. Though he wanted to console her, he felt a numbness spreading through him.

“I’m sorry, Tru,” she said. “I didn’t know how to tell you last night. But I haven’t given him an answer yet. I want you to know that. And I want you to understand that I had no idea he was going to ask me.”

He swallowed, trying to keep his own emotions in check. “Does it really matter that you didn’t expect him to ask?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “Right now, I don’t feel like I understand anything. All I know is that I never wanted it to end like this. I never wanted to hurt you.”

A physical ache seemed to flow through him, beginning in his chest and radiating outward until even his fingertips throbbed.

“I can’t force you to stay with me,” he whispered. “As much as I want to, I can’t. Nor will I try, even if it means that I’ll never see you again. But I would like to ask something of you.”

“Anything,” she whispered.

He swallowed. “Will you try to remember me?”

She made a strangled noise, and he knew she couldn’t speak. Instead, she pressed her lips closed and nodded. Tru pulled her closer, feeling her collapse into him, as if her legs would no longer support her. When she began to sob, Tru felt himself crumbling. Beyond them, the waves marched on, indifferent to the world slowing to a stop between them.

He wanted her and only her, forever. But that wasn’t possible. Not anymore, for despite the love they felt for each other, Tru already knew what Hope’s answer to Josh was going to be.



Back at the cottage, Hope cleared any items from the refrigerator that might spoil and put them in a garbage bag. When she headed to the shower, Tru brought the bag to the bins outside. His head was spinning and by the time he returned to the kitchen, he heard the shower running in the bathroom. He rummaged through drawers until he located paper and a pen. Ravaged, he tried to order his feelings by putting words on the page. There was so much he wanted to say.

When he was finished, he returned to his father’s house and retrieved two drawings. He put those, along with the letter, into the glove compartment of her car, knowing that by the time she discovered them, their time together would already be in the past.

When Hope finally emerged, she was carrying her suitcase. Dressed in jeans, a white blouse, and the sandals she’d picked up a few days earlier, she was heartbreakingly beautiful. He was sitting at the table again, and after turning out all the lights, Hope went to sit on his lap. She put her arms around him, and for a long time they simply held each other. When she pulled back, her expression was subdued.

“I should probably get going,” she finally said.

“I know,” he whispered.

She got up, and after putting Scottie on a leash, she moved slowly to the door.

It was time. Tru picked up her suitcase, along with the box of mementos she’d collected earlier in the week. He followed her out the front door, pausing beside her as she locked the door and inhaling the wildflower scent of the shampoo she used.

He loaded her things into the trunk while she put Scottie in the back seat. After closing the doors, she approached him slowly. He held her again, neither of them able to speak. When finally she pulled back, he tried a smile, even though everything was breaking inside.

“If you ever plan on taking a safari, make sure you let me know. I can tell you which lodges you should visit. It doesn’t have to be in Zimbabwe. I have contacts all over the region. You can always reach me through the lodge at Hwange.”