Epoch (Transcend Duet #2)(90)

It’s none of my business.

Will he compare me to her now? Was she better in bed?

It’s none of my business.

I hate when shit’s not my business, but I need to know.

“All,” he says.

My mind rebounds back to the present.

He steps toward me. I back up. We do this dance until the back of my legs hit the bed.

“I said we have to be all or nothing. There’s not a middle for us. To be all …” He curls my hair behind my ear.

I shiver.

“Or everything … That means I accept your past and you accept mine. And that past includes the months we’ve been apart.”

How does he read my mind?

“I left. You stayed. And life went on for both of us.”

I know what he’s implying. He thought we were over. So did I. But it still stings.

“I didn’t have sex with Nate.”

Tension settles along his forehead. “You don’t have to tell me that.” His fingers ghost up my arm.

“I need you to know.”

“I already knew.”

“You …” My jaw unhinges and I scoff in disbelief as I sit on the end of the bed, grabbing a blanket to hold over my bared chest. “How could you know? Were you in touch with Nate behind my back? Is this what he meant when he said you told him to keep an eye on me? Is this how he knew you were the one who killed Doug?”

Griffin pushes a heavy breath out of his nose. “Before I left town, I paid him a visit. Yes, I told him to keep an eye on you. I told him to take care of you. And then I told him you were safe.”

“You told him you killed Doug. Because he knew. That’s how I knew.”

Griffin nods.

“What did he say? You told him you killed a man. He could have turned you in. You could have been arrested for murder.”

Griffin shakes his head. “I knew he wouldn’t. We both wanted the same thing—you safe.”

“Nothing? He said nothing? Asked no questions?”

“He said ‘thank you.’ And before I walked out the door, he asked me why I was leaving you.”

God, my heart hurts hearing this. “What did you say?” I whisper.

The pads of his fingers brush the angle of my jaw. “I said you weren’t mine. And the pain on his face told me you weren’t his either.”

You’re not mine to kiss.

My head bows in shame. Such a painful irony. I’ve been loved by two men, neither feeling they were the worthy one, when the truth is I’m the one not worthy of this kind of love from them.

In another life, I let Nate go when I should have fought for us. I went to the abandoned property when he told me not to go. Why? I don’t know. I may never know why. But for over two decades, he’s lived with the guilt.

“I needed to know … everything. How Daisy died. How she felt. Why she went to the property alone. The unknown consumed me like a cancer. Just this …” I grimace. “This unnerving need. A drug. An addiction stronger than anything.”

“What changed?”

My gaze inches up to meet his. “You.”

His face wrinkles with confusion.

“Doug was the driving force. But when I found out he was dead and I couldn’t call you or text you, I felt so fucking empty. I felt dead.” I shake my head slowly. “I no longer cared. The addiction was gone. The fear was gone. You were gone. So I just … stopped.

“I stopped seeing Dr. Albright. The visions in my head were nothing more than whispers, white noise. They no longer fed a need—a curiosity. In some ways they died the day I went to Doug’s apartment.”

I blink, releasing a lone tear. “I let part of me—her—die with him. And for a while I felt so lonely and filled with anger. Anger toward Daisy for hijacking my life. Anger toward you for leaving. Anger toward Nate for everything—sitting in Dr. Greyson’s lobby. Putting out an ad for a nanny. Hiring me. Just … everything.”

I laugh. “I was so angry. But there was Morgan. She was the innocent one. And my love for her is incredible. So after a while, I thought—okay, life, is this where I’m supposed to be? Here with Nate and Morgan?”

My gaze shifts to the side, trying to figure out how to explain how I got from there to here.

“And what was the answer?”

I grunt. “Nate’s answer was I wasn’t his. In his book, I could never be his when another man killed to save my life. But honestly … I think he knew who I was even when I didn’t know.”

“And who are you?”

Leaning forward, I press my lips to Griff’s abs. My hands surrender the blanket to the floor as I stand slowly. Closing my eyes, I let my lips find the same path up his torso they’ve taken so many times before, following my favorite lines of muscle and ink. I don’t need to see it; I’ve felt it a million times.

“Ask me again,” I murmur over his collarbone before lifting onto my toes to kiss his neck.

His fingers dive into my hair as he releases a low groan. “Who are you?”

My lips savor the sharp angle of his jaw as my arms wrap around his neck, pressing my bare chest to his.

“Again …” I grin against his cheek.

He fists my hair with one hand while his other hand slides down my back, grabbing a handful of my ass.